Courage and the Agony of Coaching Employees

Coaching employees on sensitive and personal topics like performance or contribution to the organization can be as difficult and agonizing as telling a young son or daughter about sex for the first time. You end up playing the same mental games in your head over and over again: "What should they be told? How much do they already know? (Or how much do they want me to think they know?) How much detail should I go into?" If you are unable to answer any of these penetrating questions, you tend to put the task off for another six months. Eventually, you discover the harsh reality that there is very little they are unaware of, but a lot they don't know.

Nearly everyone feels uncomfortable when coaching employees, yet few are willing to admit that they feel ambivalent or inadequate. Many leaders who say, with some pride, that they have no hesitation, often approach the job like a bulldozer (over aggressively). In fact, coaching employees is risky (you may lose control of the situation), and you are vulnerable (you have to substantiate your case, and your leadership style may be questioned by the employee). Consequently you exaggerate your worst fears, you get uptight, you spend the night before the discussion is to take place worrying, and you try to figure out ways to avoid or postpone it. But deep down, you know that this isn't a helpful strategy.

Many leaders will rationalize that the issue or concern isn't worth the time or effort of a coaching session. But this comes back to haunt them later when the employee's work is put under the microscope of others (their boss, customers, regulatory agencies, etc.) when the employees position is considered for advancement, at performance appraisal time, or during the crucial high-exposure stages of an important project. At these time, the earlier hesitation ends up directly costing both the leader and the employee.

There are many explanations and rationalizations about why leaders resist coaching employees more frequently about progress and problems. The reality is that no one wants to hurt people or jeopardize their performance in areas that are meeting or exceeding expectations. Leaders go about insulating themselves from facing the reality that a meaningful discussion will actually help improve things.

The fact is that most employees favor directness, candor (trust), and honesty, as well as efficiency, excellence, and quality. But these goals cannot be met unless leaders are more willing to set aside their ambivalence and hesitation.

As a leader, you just need to accept that, to some extent, resisting potentially difficult situations is normal and natural. Then you need to make sure that these perceptual obstacles do not get in the way. Simply anticipate your own hesitations and ambivalence. Tell yourself over and over again that it is okay, and simply move forward and trust the 8-Step Coaching process to work if you carefully attend to each step.

To learn more about how CMOE can help your organization become more effective at coaching employees, contact a Regional Manager at (801) 569-3444. You can also visit their website.

---

Every Obstacle Always Presents an Opportunity

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on... Read More

So Why Are They Really Here?

It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know... Read More

Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year

It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans.... Read More

Controlling Behavior, Loving Behavior

When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were... Read More

Saying NO to Good Opportunities!

Tracey started her video production company 2 ½ years ago,... Read More

Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence

Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique.... Read More

7 Effective Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem

1. Get a life purpose statement.A well thought out life... Read More

Living On Purpose

The purpose of life is to live a life of... Read More

Smelling the Roses: Better Living Through Savoring

"Stop and smell the roses," people often say. Then they... Read More

A Perrverse Confidante

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15,... Read More

Words That Inspire - PEACE

WORDS THAT INSPIREA monthly quick shot to motivate you, in... Read More

Tempering Temper

I'm almost always a calm and collected person. Or at... Read More

Building a Strong Coaching Practice

As a person who has been around the coaching profession... Read More

Executive Coaching

The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the... Read More

Do You Ever Give Up Coaching Employees?

In principle, we don't want to give up coaching employees.... Read More

Automatic Brain Works Overtime For You

Use all of your brain to be your most effective."Running... Read More

Throw a No-Heat Party for the Planet

Is it really possible to have loads of fun, and... Read More

We Are Exactly Where We Choose to Be

The idea for this month's newsletter came from an unlikely... Read More

Dont Settle

Settling is about not embracing what is best for you,... Read More

How to Hire a Coach

Improve Your Life! How to Hire A Coach.A reader writes,... Read More

How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part A for Attitude!

My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years... Read More

New Definition of Retirement

A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's... Read More

The Joy of Learning!

"Part of what motivates me to write this book is... Read More

How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety

Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part... Read More

A Visualization Exercise on Managing Expectations for Adults with ADD

As adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often find... Read More

Among the Purpose & Personality

I have one magical thought, lets see it more closely.... Read More

Control, Helplessness, and Love

During my 35 years of counseling individuals, couples, families and... Read More

Burn-Out ...Whats Next?

If you feel the heat of burn-out, it is possible... Read More

What Is A Personal Trainer

Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in... Read More

A Live It

Real change happens only when it becomes part of our... Read More

Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet

The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on... Read More

Attitude

What makes attitude so important? Why not just learn some... Read More

Are You Too Critical?

First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything... Read More