Home For The Holidays

In my husband's family, family members send Christmas cards to other family members (parents to children, brothers and sisters to one another, etc.) even though the family always spends time together at Christmas for a meal and gift exchange.

My husband and I do not know of any other family that does this. We both always understood Christmas cards were for family members one would not be seeing because they live too far away, or that Christmas cards were sent from one family to another.

We do not send Christmas cards to members of my immediate family we will be seeing. Which way is correct from an etiquette point of view? Or are they both equally correct? Are we breaching his family's tradition by not "cooperating" because we will be seeing them at Christmas?

Anita

Anita, which is correct--opening presents on Christmas Eve or opening presents on Christmas Day? From an etiquette point of view, they are equally correct. The same applies to your card question.

Your husband's family tradition is the less common, but we know people who send cards to family members close at hand. Somerset Maugham said, "Tradition is a guide not a jailer." The same might be said of etiquette, and common sense supersedes them both.

Tamara is not sentimental about cards, but she will give cards to those who especially enjoy receiving them. Because your husband's family enjoys this tradition, consider following it with them and following your own tradition with everyone else. That solves the awkwardness of receiving a card without giving one.

Wayne

In Memory

For over 10 years I diligently cared for my wife, until she died from the complications of multiple sclerosis. During that period we had the help of a nurse who became very much a friend to both of us. I paid for her automobile club membership each year so she could get to our home in her various junk cars.

After my wife died, I stayed in contact with the nurse on a platonic basis, talking on the phone monthly and sharing dinner a few times a year. I also continued to pay the motor club membership in gratitude for all she gave my wife. I felt it was a good and generous thing to do. She gave her all to us.

After a long period of grief, I began to search for a new partner and started a new relationship about six months ago. I mentioned my yearly gift to my girlfriend last week when the bill came, and she became very upset with me for doing this. She described this as unethical and an infraction serious enough to end our relationship.

She knows I have no romantic or sexual contact with this woman and trusts me in that regard, but is astounded I do not see the moral error in what I have been doing. I consider myself someone of high morals. I just don't get it. What principle am I violating? I am not getting answers I can comprehend from my girlfriend. She insists I discuss this with others, who will enlighten me.

Clay

Clay, you are a thoughtful, caring man. You and this nurse share a bond, and in honoring her you also honor the memory of your wife. There is nothing wrong in what you are doing, any more than there is something wrong with giving money to a cause in memory of someone who has passed on.

Your girlfriend cannot tell you exactly what she doesn't like about your gift without revealing her true motives. Your girlfriend wants to break you away from the memory of your wife and the reality of any other woman. Often circumstances arise as a warning sign about other people. If you give in to your girlfriend, you might as well hand over your wallet, your pants, and your life.

Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 8, 2003

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

A Visualization Exercise on Managing Expectations for Adults with ADD

As adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), we often find... Read More

The Right Time and Place

(Channelled)Roy?I am sending you this quote from Sōtō Zen, Dōgen's... Read More

Life Coaching for Success and Fulfilment

We live in a world of rapid change and uncertainty.... Read More

Top Ways to Maximize Your Talents at Work

Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at... Read More

Creating An Effective Toolbox For Success

WHAT'S IN YOUR TOOLBOX?Think tools are just for builders and... Read More

Going Beyond Life Coaching

In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is... Read More

Its Only Adult ADD-What A Relief!

For most of her fifty years, Barbara was at war... Read More

A Fresh Look at the Choices We Make

We are frequently held back from making future plans or... Read More

You Have The Right

The other day I was having a interesting conversation with... Read More

Coaching Skills for Peers: Extending Influence

Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique.... Read More

Words That Inspire - PEACE

WORDS THAT INSPIREA monthly quick shot to motivate you, in... Read More

Coaching Book Review: The Coach: Creating Partnerships for a Competitive Edge

Leaders today have many challenges when it comes to guiding... Read More

Use a Journal for Self-Discovery and Self-Expression

As a therapist, I often suggest to clients that they... Read More

Living In The Now

I hope you are sitting down as you read this!... Read More

Be Better at Business ? And Lose Weight, Too!

In business, individuals often secure the services of a success... Read More

4 Ways To Avoid Looking Stupid When Making Small Talk

The fear of saying something silly and feeling embarrassed stops... Read More

Seeing Your Energy At Work

Our bodies are made of pure energy. With Quantum physics... Read More

Make Your Life Easier?

'Have you read the Art of War?' someone asked me... Read More

Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities

Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you.... Read More

3 Easy Steps to Low Stress Communication

Life is all about choices. And so is the way... Read More

Eureka! I?ve Found It!

OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal.... Read More

7 Destructive Habits of Incompetent People

WARNING! If you want to have a fantastic life, never... Read More

Assertive Communication: 20 Helpful Tips

Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further... Read More

What Are Your Priorities?

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want... Read More

Finding Peace: A Taste of Mindfulness

When we are ill and don't know it, we are... Read More

12 Reasons to Develop Exceptional People Skills

Why should you bother to spend your valuable time learning... Read More

Tips for Writing Great Coaching E-Books

Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of... Read More

Our Worst Enemy

Who do you consider as your worst enemy? The criminals... Read More

Executive Coaching Case Studies

If you are wondering whether investment in executive coaching would... Read More

Its Story Time! - Find the Power Within, or The Truth About Dogs

I heard a story recently, and wanted to share it... Read More

9 Guidelines For Spiritual Coaching

Spirituality coaching is more than creating goals and holding someone... Read More

How to be Your Authentic Self

Most of us play many different roles in the course... Read More

Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great

Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and... Read More