The Long Way

I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight year marriage was ending in divorce. At that time you gave me some great advice about beginning again. After reading the recent letter from Linda and how she "settled" for the wrong man, I felt I had to write an update letter.

I can look back now and realize in too many ways, I "settled" in my first marriage. I reaped the results eight years later with a broken heart. After that marriage ended, I chose to live my life to the fullest, to take every opportunity to enjoy life and my friendships, and within reason, to never settle in anything.

I wanted children, a family with which to grow old together, and the white picket fence. But I couldn't focus on what I didn't have. I could only focus on what I did have, which was a lot of time and some great friends. Sure there were women who came and went during that time (mostly went), but I never settled.

Amazingly, I did meet a fantastic woman who is in every way my other half, as I am for her. We've been married now a little over a year and are happier now than when we were courting. We can't imagine life without the other now.

My point is not that I met my other half, but instead I want to mention the positive outlook on life and love we both originally had. Being the right person for the other would not have helped either of us if my wife and I had a "wrong" attitude when we met. We would have simply walked right past the other.

Having the right attitude towards life, we ended up being like a huge magnet attracting steel. Anyway, thanks for the great advice and continue the great work! I never miss a week.

Scott

Scott, sometimes we get things right only after we have made a mistake. Sometimes we get things right when someone shows us the way. And sometimes we need a wake-up call to get things right.

In the book "Life Lessons" David Kessler wrote about Caroline, a woman with "the most genuine smile you will ever see." Not only was she happy, but to him she seemed to be one of those people who live a charmed life. When he told Caroline he thought she was lucky in love, she told him her story.

When she was in her early 40s, Caroline found a lump in her breast the doctors called suspicious. She waited three agonizing days to learn if cancer was spreading throughout her body. It wasn't. The lump was benign.

But Caroline resolved not to let those three days mean nothing. She had been single and desperately lonely. When she went to a party or event, she would quickly scan the room for Mr. Right. If he wasn't there, she'd go somewhere else searching for him, and always she went home more desperate than before.

Caroline decided to change her approach to life. Even if Mr. Right wasn't around her, other people were. She would talk with them and enjoy them, no matter what. At the end of each day she no longer felt lonely for she truly talked and smiled and laughed with others. The more she did this the more wonderful people she met and the closer she grew to her friends. She stopped being a desperately searching person.

She didn't meet Mr. Right the first year. Or the second. She met him four years later, and two years after that, they married. Being "lucky in love" has a lot to do with being ourselves and being fully engaged in life.

David Kessler wrote, "In our hearts we know we are destined to live fully, to love fully, and to have great adventures in life." Our task is figuring out how to do it.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 4, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Who Do You Talk To?

Many of you reading this will be running businesses, or... Read More

Keeping Your Anger Under Control

In my work with individuals and couples, I see many... Read More

Coaching Prime Time

An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out... Read More

Think Twice Before Youre Nice

A few months back I had a disturbing dream. In... Read More

Build Your People Skills

How would you like to get along even better with... Read More

Good, Good, Good, Good Intentions

I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions... Read More

How Does Sports Coaching Differ from Corporate Coaching?

Athletes Versus EmployeesMost athletes are young, open to improvement, eager... Read More

Managing Performance Every Day

The scenario?The company has decided it needs to eliminate costs.... Read More

How To Increase Your Coaching Record By At Least 25%

"How can I become a better and more effective coach?"... Read More

Becoming An Information Filter And A Knowledge Sponge

As the title states, "Become an Information Filter and a... Read More

The Non-Conscious Mind at Work. Harness it for Your Success

Thoughts are real things. As soon as you realize how... Read More

Should I Get A Coach?

Why should or would someone hire a life coach? Well,... Read More

How to be Your Authentic Self

Most of us play many different roles in the course... Read More

Fear Is Nothing To Be Afraid Of!

What do you do when fear shows up? Do you... Read More

Floating In Mindfulness: Dealing With Disappointment

Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.The time-honored approach to disappointment... Read More

How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part A for Attitude!

My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years... Read More

Cause and Effect! Choose a Path

Three steps to your Personal Transformation:Awareness and PerceptionLaw of Cause... Read More

The Self Development Tool Box

Do you have a self-development toolbox? Do you have a... Read More

Dont Be Jealous - Be Inspired

When we see people do things we cannot do, or... Read More

Mentors and Coaches: How to Be a Great Mentee or Learner

When you invest your time in being a mentee you... Read More

Media Underload! The Stress Reducing Psych-Diet

The war, taxes, the economy, increased health problems, crime on... Read More

Finding a Mentor in the 21st Century

Traditionally, mentors volunteer the wisdom of their experiences to help... Read More

Its Not What You Think

My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving... Read More

Developing Will Power and Self Discipline

Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won... Read More

How to Slow Your Spinning Mind

Have you ever laid in bed trying to fall asleep,... Read More

The Student Who Knew Too Much

This article is for those of you who coach or... Read More

Masterminding Success - How to Start a Masterminding Meeting?

Masterminding is about a group of like-minded, achievement-oriented individuals who... Read More

How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety

Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part... Read More

New Definition of Retirement

A new definition of retirement is evolving. It's one that's... Read More

Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind?

Updating my will has been on my mind for quite... Read More

Executive Coaching

The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the... Read More

How to Jump-start Your Emotional Health

You've probably heard the expression: "It's not what you're eating.... Read More

Six Steps for Creating Work-Life Balance

Today an increasing number of us are experiencing burnout, low... Read More