Co-Dependency and Food: Trying to Fill the Void

Nice girls don't speak up. Nice girls take care of and support others. These are just a few of the messages girls often receive as they are socialized. Often in adulthood, these ingrained messages turn into full-blown co-dependency. Years can go by. Unmet needs build up energy; they demand attention. But without learning skills in setting boundaries, letting others feel their own pain and making oneself a priority, food often becomes the hassle-free, soothing balm to take the edge off and release that pent up energy momentarily, that is until the guilt sets in.

We are in one of the following roles when we are co-dependent ? victim, rescuer or persecutor. Following are a few examples of how these roles play out in our relationship with food:

Victim: You eat too much food. You gain weight and then can't eat what you want. No matter what you do, what diet you try, you can't lose weight. No matter how you eat, you seem to continue to gain weight, feeling worse and worse.

Rescuer: The dessert makes you feel better, especially the chocolate. It makes you feel loved. You feel comforted and nurtured when you eat certain foods. You reward yourself with food over the smallest perceived successes. Or someone may rescue you when you claim you can't lose weight. "You've tried hard. It's not working for you. Go ahead and eat it. You're not losing weight anyway. You can try that new diet tomorrow."

Persecutor: You're great at beating up on yourself. No matter what you do, you can't lose weight. Your tortured thoughts go something like this: "I'm never going to lose this weight; it's too hard to lose weight. I hate myself because I can't control my eating. I hate myself because I'm not following this diet perfectly. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I hate myself."

How do you get out of your co-dependent relationship with food? First, pay attention to your thoughts ? I mean really notice. What are you saying to yourself about food, your body, your weight, yourself? Likely you'll find that you wouldn't say those things to your worst enemy. Secondly, write those thoughts down. Ask yourself if any of your thoughts are really true about you or do they come from unconscious, past patterns. Next, ask yourself if you wish to continue to believe these thoughts. If not, forgive yourself for believing them and replace those thoughts with the ones you want.

It goes like this.

My thoughts:

I always eat too potato chips, and I can't lose weight. I'm so spineless.

Are my thoughts true?

I don't always eat too many potato chips. I've been eating dessert, which is probably why I can't lose weight. It's not the potato chips. I don't know why I said I'm spineless. I'm not.

Why do I eat so many potato chips?

When I ate them today, it was after that conversation with my friend. I felt angry. The crunch of the potato chips helped me feel less angry. Now that I think about it, I eat potato chips a lot when I'm angry.

Do I want to continue believing my thoughts?

No. I forgive myself for eating potato chips to swallow my anger. I forgive myself for calling myself spineless.

New thoughts:

When I'm angry next time, I'm going to express my anger appropriately and talk with the other person. I'm not going to eat potato chips. I can lose weight. I am successful in losing weight.

Learn to listen to yourself and not rely on outside cues for what you may or may not think and feel. It's not selfish to meet your real needs directly. When you meet your true needs, food is no longer a bandage. Then you can freely choose whether or not to eat that particular food without the intensity of unmet emotional needs. It's about valuing yourself and making decisions and choices that honor your value. New thinking will support your weight loss efforts.

About The Author

Zo Houseman is the author of Live Lightly! that describes how she lost 100 pounds and kept it off by learning to think differently. Read free excerpts. More information and resources are available at http://www.setyourheartfree.com.

zo@setyourheartfree.com

---

Is Emotional Eating Causing You to Blow Your Healthy Weight Loss Plan?

You've done everything right this time. You're eating lots of... Read More

Vinegar and Weight Loss

The Sour Truth -------------------------- Question: I had a baby 6... Read More

Changing Your Eating Habits

We are bombarded with advertisements pushing delicious looking, fat filled,... Read More

Mediterranean Diet - What is It?

Well, to begin with, there isn't really any one Mediterranean... Read More

How To Lose Weight Quickly and Safely

"I eat like a bird, why do I gain weight?"... Read More

Top 5 Weight Loss Strategies From A Top Level Personal Trainer

You are ready to shed those energy draining, body crippling,... Read More

Dieting: A Few Dieting Pitfalls To Avoid

When we gain more weight than is good for us,... Read More

Dieting 101 - For Those Who Want to Start But Dont Know Where to Begin

Okay, so you've read some of these articles, done your... Read More

QuickTips for Healthy Weight Loss

More than any other time in history, people are all... Read More

Savoring Moments Through Mindful Eating

We all eat. But how mindful are we of every... Read More

Loose 10 Pounds by Drinking Water?

Drink plenty of water. Our body needs a lot of... Read More

Daily Weight Loss Motivation

When you are faced with the daily challenge of trying... Read More

Law of Attraction Resolves Diet Controversy

Who'd have thought healthy eating could be so controversial? Lunching... Read More

Basic Approaches To Weight Management

Being over weight is usually being 20 percent or more... Read More

Maximize Your Fat Burning Potential

Do you compete in sports for weight loss or fat... Read More

Gastric Bypass Surgery - Is It Right For You?

When we hear all the success stories of the gastric... Read More

Fifteen Secrets of Safe and Permanent Weight Loss Revealed

Fifteen Secrets of Safe and Easy Permanent Weight Loss Revealed!*... Read More

Obesity, Whats The Big Deal

Nowadays, so much of the public is obese (fat) that... Read More

Weight Loss Secrets -- It?s About Perspectives!

Any dietary plan on the market has some portion of... Read More

Dash Diet -- Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension (DASH)

Hypertension is another name for high blood pressure. Blood pressure... Read More

3 Fast Weight Loss Tips That Work

Looking to lose some pounds quickly? Fast and safe weight... Read More

The Practical Way to Lose Fat

Today's society is about speed. We no longer have to... Read More

Weight Loss vs. Fat Loss

In order to lose weight, your body must burn more... Read More

The Cost of Gastric Bypass Surgery

The cost of gastric bypass surgery and other bariatric surgical... Read More

Heading Off Winter Weight Gain Before it Gets Started

Must We Gain Weight Every WinterIt's that time of year... Read More

What the Diet Industry Wont Tell You--6 Secrets Revealed

I am not a diet and fitness guru or an... Read More

Psychological Factors in Weight Management

To continue the educational series on your health and fitness... Read More

Myth: Gastric Bypass Patients Can Never Be Nutritionally Healthy

A common claim from gastric bypass detractors is that after... Read More

4 Keys to Weight Loss

First off, let me start by saying this list is... Read More

Obesity Prevention Must Begin at Home

Not losing weight but gaining it is why we are... Read More

Hypnosis For Weight Loss ? The perfect solution to losing weight

Temporary weight loss is easy!You simply starve yourself on the... Read More

Weight Loss Psychology- Sticking to an Exercise Program!

IT'S NOT ABOUT THE NUMBERS!The health clubs are always racking... Read More

Why Did I Do That? How to Deal with a Lapse in Your Weight Loss Efforts

A bad day or even a bad week is not... Read More