Why People Dont Listen... and Some Fun Things You Can Do About It

It's frustrating when your co-workers, audience members, teenager or even your dog (!) won't listen. While you can't control how they receive what you say, you can control how you send it. Here are a few tips on why people don't listen and what you can do to change it.

1. Short Attention Spans

When asked to guess the average adult attention span, most people say around thirty minutes. According to statistics, however, the average adult attention span is actually only seven seconds. That's right! Every seven seconds you go away somewhere. You think about something else. In fact, you could actually be taking a mental break right now! It is a normal part of how the brain integrates external stimuli like when your computer starts defragging for a moment while you type. It helps to pause from time to time when you speak. This allows people to integrate your information or ask a clarifying question. Also, include examples to anchor your concepts. For example (see--I'm doing it now!), a concept without an example is like tree without roots, a house without a foundation, or Sonny without Cher. It just doesn't have as much staying power.

2. Too Many Distractions

I was in a meeting the other day and five people coughed, four people side talked, three cell phones rang, two people went to the restroom, and a partridge did email on his PDA. Distractions are a big part of modern life. Your best bet is to acknowledge the distractions in a playful way such as a manager who recently led a meeting I attended. When a cell phone rang, he grabbed for it and said, "Oh, that's for me?.my mother likes to check in on me from time to time". That prompted everyone to turn off their phones.

3. Lack of Training

Few of us were formally taught how to listen. While you probably took Reading 8, Writing 11, did you ever take Listening 10? It's little wonder listening is challenging. Quite accidentally, I learned how to listen by practicing meditation. After a five-day retreat, I felt very light-hearted and so went to visit my aging father who was hard of hearing. My habit was to sit vacantly for hours while he complained about his arthritis, the error on his bank statement, and how hard it is to find good slippers. After this retreat, I surprised myself by totally paying attention to him with patience and compassion. After about ten minutes of complaining he suddenly changed tracks and started telling me fascinating and funny stories about his childhood. Then he cranked up his hearing aid and asked about me! Learn how to be present with people, give them your full, undivided attention and be ready for some pleasant surprises.

4. Language Barriers

It is no secret that the world of business is fast becoming a multicultural world. Although English is the default language of commerce, many people in your audience may speak English as a second language. Last month I was addressing a large insurance company where most attendees turned out to be new immigrants from China. I used the expression "getting jiggy with it", and I saw people rifling through their dictionaries. This prompted me to say "I'm sorry, that went way over your head", and a number of people looked up at the ceiling! If your listeners are ESL or have a more basic educational background, you need to simplify your language. Use much more literal descriptions rather than cultural expressions. Use facial and body language to express humor, and fewer words.

5. Unchecked Assumptions

Back in the 70s, Gilda Radner a comedienne who regularly performed on Saturday Night Live was well known for her popular character Emily Litella, a social activist with a hearing problem. Her causes included such important issues as violins on television, soviet jewelry and endangered feces. Believe it or not, those Emily Litella types can be found in your audiences. For example, I once told a story about my mother who was a secretary for the British Civil Service in WWII. She spent most of her time daydreaming that her boss would burst into the room and ask her to spy against the Germans. She could leave the nasty paperwork behind, don a disguise and become the next Mata Hari. Needless to say, one day her boss did burst into the room but instead he fired her for daydreaming all the time. A woman approached me after this story and told me that she used to be a Hari Krishna, too. One way to clear up false assumptions is to state your point in many different ways.

6. No Reason to Listen

Finally, the main reason people don't listen is because you haven't answered their favorite question: "What's in it for me?" Before you start a long-winded monologue, tell your listener why you need their attention and make sure they understand how it will be benefit them. For example, "I'd like to tell you about this free software that will block all the spam before it gets to your Inbox ?interested?" That will give you much better results than "When I was a youngster and I sat down in front of my first computer, I asked myself how can I make this machine work for me?" In general, put yourself in your listener's shoes before you talk and their ears tend to perk up.

And just remember the greatest of all wisdom--no one ever listened himself out of a new friendship.

Carla Rieger
Copyright 2005 Yes Education Systems

Carla Rieger is an expert on the artistry of change. You can reach her at http://www.carlarieger.com or at 1-866-294-2988. Carla uses proven secrets from the world of artistry to help your organization becoming a leader of innovation. She has been a professional speaker, trainer, facilitator and performance storyteller since the mid-80s. She is the director of Yes Education Systems, a creative communications and creative consulting firm since 1991. She has written three critically acclaimed manuals, Managing Change with a sense of humor, Speaking on the Funny Side of the Brain and The Heart of Presenting, in addition to many articles in trade journals and magazines. She has taught thousands to unlock the funny side of their brains, and to mine negativity both within and without for the key innovative solutions. Her work has been featured on radio, TV and many publications. She founded several theatre groups including Mad Cow Productions, Vancouver Playback Theatre and Mythic Cafe. She also wrote, produced and performed a one-woman show, Dancing Between Worlds.

---

7 Key Dimensions of High Performance Teams

7 Key Dimensions of High Performance Teams We can always... Read More

Landscaping Business; Employee Relations

There are few industries or service type businesses, which are... Read More

WIIFM - Making the Whats In It for Me? Question Work for You

In the constantly changing world of Call Centers, asking agents... Read More

Putting the I in Team

This sports cliche is a memorable phrase that reminds people... Read More

How the P.R.I.D.E. Team Changed my Call Center

Several years ago I took an assignment as a Manager... Read More

Functioning in a Dysfunctional Workplace

Sometimes the greatest challenges lay not within the actions of... Read More

The 5 Bes of Motivation

It's not true in every organization, but it is true... Read More

The Top 7 Things Entrepreneurs Need to Know About Employees

As I work with clients to strengthen their teams and... Read More

What Every Manager, Parent, and Teacher Should Know About How to Unify Employees, Families, & Youth

Project Head Start has been successful not only for the... Read More

Why It Pays to Out More Humor in the Workplace

1. Humor reduces stress levels and stress is the number... Read More

Story Telling With a Purpose

For a brief time, I tried to sell life insurance.... Read More

A Team That Gleamed

Too many techies get a bad rap for lacking teamwork... Read More

Downsizing Your Team

Team Building Question:Our office has recently learned that about 20... Read More

Motivating Teams

Introduction:Working with teams, whether as leader of a single team... Read More

Manage Expectations to Reduce Everyday Frustrations

Just today my partner Russ and I sat down to... Read More

4 Tips for Keeping a Team Motivated

Companies often have incentives for reps, but sometimes that isn't... Read More

Teaming - How to Build a Team

Team building takes work but the results are worth it.... Read More

Constructive Group Dynamics: How to Go from the S.N.I.P.P.Y. Syndrome to a C.L.E.A.R. V.I.E.W.

If asked to look at your work calendar for the... Read More

The Top Ten Methods to Create a Successful Work Team

Teams are often useful in situations where the task cannot... Read More

Collaboration Software - Building an Office Without Walls

The rise of the internet has given businesses a new... Read More

Leading the Witness: How Asking Questions as a Trainer Can Limit Learning and Reduce Trust

"Asking questions can be a means of establishing authority, fulfilling... Read More

Designing and Deploying Human Centric Processes

A lot of effort has been carried out in the... Read More

Team Building Part 2: Honesty is the Key!

The second in a series of 2 articles giving a... Read More

Teams

For companies to be competitive, decisions have to be made... Read More

High Performing Teams: 10 Things You Want To Know About Building A High Performing Team

"Conflict becomes politics, commitment becomes 'Only if it's in my... Read More

Top Ten Creative Excursions for Building Effective Teams

The ability to build effective teams is a must for... Read More

Outdoor Team Development ? Harmless Fun or Serious Learning?

The Sales Director had organised a great conference; the venue... Read More

Team Communication Critical To Success

I'm often asked, "Why is my team always fighting fires... Read More

Employee and Coworkers Gifts

Giving gifts to your co-workers or your employees can be... Read More

In 2005 Collaboration is Key

Perhaps you're a small business owner wondering how you and... Read More

Mastermind Team: Do You Have One?

The key to life is to be around the people... Read More

5 Reason Why Team Has A 4 Figure Income

You are new to Internet Marketing, you join one Affiliate... Read More

People Are The Heart Of Your Organization

Do you let your people express their thoughts about the... Read More