STOP Trying Harder

You've been searching for self improvement or personal development. Trying to increase your self esteem, achieve personal growth, have more happiness in your life ? or perhaps reach an important goal.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems and barriers ? it may come from something you were taught as a child! Do you remember being told: "Just try harder!"

Actually, that advice could well be the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head.

Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Aren't we *supposed* to keep on harder until we reach our goal.

Actually ?- NO!

Trying harder often just leads straight to failure.

I'd like to share a true personal story.

** A "Try Harder" True Story

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon and very quiet ? except for an increasingly irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch.

The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder ? try harder ? try harder!

Obviously, the fly's goal-seeking behavior is not working! No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

Its efforts hold no hope for success.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation.

The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it would be free. The possibility of a life-saving breakthrough was there. It would be so easy.

But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying the same thing harder and harder.

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty window sill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly, I too had tried harder and harder and harder ? until I finally had to give up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is usually a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try" to succeed.)

But if you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere!

You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer may lie in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty window sill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

"Try harder" is just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced witha different goal-directed tactic!

Think about it for a moment.

If you want something "new," you're going to have to "do" something new and different. Just doing the same thing will bring the same result. And if that result is failure, forget it!

Let go ? relax ? then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way to get what you want.

© 2004 All Rights Reserved

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web's first Brain Gym ezone. http://www.quantum-self.com

---

Finding Your Purpose

What is success? As author and speaker Earl Nightingale said,... Read More

Belief And Action Succeed

For centuries Protestant Christians have argued that you can reach... Read More

Learn Faster, Change is Coming

Challenges posed by recent economic and market shifts, though predicted... Read More

Want To Succeed In Business, Social, Personal Life? Take Good Care Of Your Personal Image

Your personal image: It's the most important YOU asset you... Read More

You Must Play By The Rules

You must play by the rules. Everything has rules. You... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Review and Refine

Periodically re-check and refine (or redefine) your goals It's no... Read More

Life Issues Pt. 1 - Success

Hello everybody and a good day (or night !) to... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Delegate Your Life

Delegate your life If you're having problems finding the time... Read More

Psychology of Success

You must understand You are already a Success, and before... Read More

The Psychology Of Success; Part 2

In the first part of this article you learned some... Read More

Being a Winner - Ten Tips for Success

Have you ever thought about how you want to live,... Read More

8 Ultimate Secrets Skyrocket Your Success!

Whenever I ask people this question, "what do you really... Read More

Thoughts on Successful People

I was hired to do some training for a sales... Read More

Psychological Tips For Effective Examination Techniques

One of the inevitabilities of University life is the examination.... Read More

Plan to Succeed

Have you ever made plans in your career but never... Read More

Success Lessons From Marathons - Start Slow And Get Slower But Make Sure You Finish

A good laugh can help in a difficult or tough... Read More

Success Formula Revealed - How You Can Apply The Ultimate Success Formula?

When you analyze the traits of successful people, you will... Read More

Your Words Have Power

You teach others how to treat you by how you... Read More

Don?t Throw the Baby Out with the Bath Water

Whenever we have a bad experience or we own up... Read More

Success Lessons From TV - What Key Life Skill Did Sugar Ray Teach?

Sugar Ray Leonard and Sylvester Stallone have recently hosted a... Read More

Learn To Fail - Its Good For You!

As a child you probably learned failing is bad...Failing meant... Read More

100 Top 2004 Secrets to Success

After all the things I have shared with you this... Read More

More Effective Communication - Weight Loss For Your Mouth

Language constitutes our belief system. What we believe is true... Read More

Do You Fear Your Own Success?

Noted author and self-worth teacher Eric Butterworth* says, "Poverty is... Read More

Self Improvement and Living in the Present Moment

Having clear goals and desires for our future, and planning... Read More

The Arenas of Success

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in... Read More

Grow Rich With Your Thought

Our brain is a marvelous creation. It receive and transmit... Read More

10 Compelling Reasons to Stop Singing the Blues

Are you:- feeling unfulfilled and dissatisfied with your life?- ready... Read More

Why Pain?: An Understanding of Pain as a Necessary Part of Personal Growth

Champions expect pain, endure pain, and never complain. ---UnknownAfter so... Read More

Success Through Discipline - The Rewards Of Discipline

Many of the problems we have with discipline are caused... Read More

True Success

I did it my way -Frank SinatraWhat is a successful... Read More

Three Key Behaviors That Determine Our Success

Success is a journey and along the way we need... Read More

The Failure Misconception

Most dictionary entries would define failure as the simple lack... Read More