STOP Trying Harder

You've been searching for self improvement or personal development. Trying to increase your self esteem, achieve personal growth, have more happiness in your life ? or perhaps reach an important goal.

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems and barriers ? it may come from something you were taught as a child! Do you remember being told: "Just try harder!"

Actually, that advice could well be the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head.

Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Aren't we *supposed* to keep on harder until we reach our goal.

Actually ?- NO!

Trying harder often just leads straight to failure.

I'd like to share a true personal story.

** A "Try Harder" True Story

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon and very quiet ? except for an increasingly irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch.

The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder ? try harder ? try harder!

Obviously, the fly's goal-seeking behavior is not working! No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

Its efforts hold no hope for success.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation.

The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it would be free. The possibility of a life-saving breakthrough was there. It would be so easy.

But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something different? How did it get locked into one doomed course of action? Into just trying the same thing harder and harder.

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty window sill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly, I too had tried harder and harder and harder ? until I finally had to give up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is usually a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try" to succeed.)

But if you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere!

You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence and self-esteem. And who needs that!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer may lie in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty window sill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

"Try harder" is just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced witha different goal-directed tactic!

Think about it for a moment.

If you want something "new," you're going to have to "do" something new and different. Just doing the same thing will bring the same result. And if that result is failure, forget it!

Let go ? relax ? then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way to get what you want.

© 2004 All Rights Reserved

The author, Dr Jill Ammon-Wexler, is a doctor of psychology, pioneer brain/mind researcher, and former advisor to the Pentagon, a Presidential Commission, and numerous top executives and executive teams.

The author of several books and hundreds of articles, she is also the co-founder of quantum-self.com, and the Creative Director of the Self Discovery Community. She can be reached at: drjill@quantum-self.com

Come visit the exciting Self Discovery Community. Discover the most interesting, unusual, stimulating and creative methods of self discovery on the web today! Free sizzling weekly ezine, and the web's first Brain Gym ezone. http://www.quantum-self.com

---

5 Ways To SuperSize Your Life

McDonald's does it, why shouldn't you? Life is filled with... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Friendly Competition

Friendly competition Get together with a group of like-minded friends... Read More

Why Are Manhole Covers Round?

Recently I stumbled across a list of Microsoft Interview questions... Read More

Changing Your Mind Can Be a Wrestling Match

If you've been walking this earth for any length of... Read More

Become a Good Observer

We must never allow a day to pass without finding... Read More

3 Keys to Fulfill Your Wildest Dreams

If you'd like to fulfill your long-held dreams, try a... Read More

How I Changed The World

There is no substitute for direct personal application. Information or... Read More

Ten, Humourous, Power Attitudes

The ability to achieve our enormous untapped potential is directly... Read More

The Fastest Way to Success

Your mind is the only tool that can create success... Read More

Success Achievement Secrets

You can achieve whatever you want by incorporating the following... Read More

IF and WHEN

IF and WHEN were friends. Every week they met and... Read More

Success Is Based On A Realistic Plan

Everyone wants to be successful. However, many people often rely... Read More

The Gravitational Pull of ANTs, WORMS & FEARS

What is an ANT? An ANT is an acronym for... Read More

How to be Professional?

Is it difficult to be professional?I think from my experience... Read More

From Rags To Riches

Nicholas Darvas, escaping his war-torn homeland, Hungary, sought refuge in... Read More

Bad Luck, Bad Choices, and Bad Habits

We were at some friend's house the other day and... Read More

The 101 Habits of Highly Successful People

Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning... Read More

The Secret Key (Part 1): An Overwhelming Purpose

Imagine that you are in a dimly-lit room. You don't... Read More

Success Lessons From Josey Wales

The Outlaw Josey Wales is an interesting Western that I... Read More

Emerging As Winners!

People like to emerge as winners by hook or crook... Read More

Double Your Brain Power

Do you think you have an "average" or perhaps an... Read More

True Success is Generous

"Write checks on a regular basis to those who you... Read More

Success Intelligence : Attitudes to Success

For each of us, how successful we feel will depend... Read More

Techniques to Help e-Learning

e-Learning is doubling yearly. Classes, e-courses, e-books on how-to and... Read More

Thinking for Success

Thoughts are very powerful. An intention held long and hard... Read More

Whos Up For A Challenge?

Depending on the person, challenges can either make or break... Read More

The REAL Secret to Success

I used to see a chiropractor who handed out a... Read More

For Meeting Planners: Organizing Your Office for Less Stress and More Profit

If you discovered your speaking career depended on how organized... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Progressive Goal Party

Hold a "progressive" goal party If you have a group... Read More

How Do You Spell Success

A person who is illiterate can look at a word... Read More

Promethean Hispanic Fire

In the Greek tale of creation, a Titan (Greek god)... Read More

Insinct Is Your Life-blood - Says Author

Fourteen thousand civilised people died when the tsunami hit Andaman... Read More

Thinkers are Achievers

It has been truly said, and history confirms, that the... Read More