Stress Management: How to Use the Power of Focus

Here's a fun little experiment:

Take a few seconds and look around you, noticing and focusing on everything you see that is blue. Just look around and notice everything that is blue.

Now close your eyes, and tell me everything you noticed that is green.

Threw you a bit of a curve ball there, didn't I?

If you are like most folks, you were expecting me to ask you to name everything that was blue. Instead I asked for something different from which you had focused on.

Here's an interesting fact from the world of race car driving:

As I understand it, when new drivers are learning how to race, one of the first things they're taught is what to focus on when they go into a spin.

The natural tendency is for them to focus on the wall they're trying to avoid hitting - and they usually end up hitting the wall. They are taught instead not to focus on the wall, but on where they want to go. In this way, they have a better chance of avoiding the wall and successfully getting out of the spin.

The exercise and story both point to the incredible power of focus in our lives. Wherever we place our focus, the rest of our mind and emotions will follow.

So how do we learn how to do this focus stuff?

One of the quickest ways to begin to strengthen your focus muscles is to practice the 5-percent/95-percent rule. That means to focus no more than 5 percent on what you don't want and 95 percent on what you do want.

Focus 5 percent on what you fear and 95 percent on getting educated and skilled to face it.

Did you know that we all have fears? Even people who appear to fear nothing. The trick is not to have no fear but to work at becoming strong and skilled enough to face and conquer your fears.

Focus 5 percent on the problem and 95 percent on the healthiest solution.

Often it's easy to get caught in the endless definition and redefinition of a problem. "What's the problem?" is the wrong question. A better question is: "How many different solutions can we create?"

Focus 5 percent on the mistake and 95 percent on learning from it.

There's a wonderful story about a new employee of a large corporation who makes a $10,000 mistake in his first week on the job. Upon being called into the CEO's office at the end of the day, he tells his boss that he realizes he will be fired and that he is sorry for the mistake. To which the CEO replies, "Fire you? No way. I just spent $10,000 training you." I bet he became a valuable employee.

Focus 5 percent on who to blame and 95 percent on making sure to heal.

Getting stuck in blame sets you up to be lame. Focusing on healing allows you to move on with your life.

Focus 5 percent on the conflict and 95 percent on the win-win-win resolution.

Conflict, especially in families, does not always have to be a win-lose situation. In any conflict, each side has needs. The question is what kind of solution can be found that meets as many of each person's needs as possible.

Focus 5 percent on what you must do and 95 percent on enjoying the process of it.

"I have to," "I've got to," "I wish I didn't have to" are all phrases that focus on having to do things we don't want to do. Better words that shift your focus would be: "How can I get all this done and enjoy the process?"

Finally, and most important:

Focus 5 percent on reading this 95 percent on applying it.

When you drive, your car follows your nose.

When you live, your life follows your focus. Where's your focus

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

---

Brain Diet : Right Diet prevents Memory Loss

These days, when people have become so conscious about what... Read More

7 Solutions for Practical Stress Management

Stress is amazingly persistent, even seductive. We get used to... Read More

Dialing M For Mindfulness

Looking for mindfulness? Who ya gonna call?Try dialing M.It's easy... Read More

How To Avoid Stress By Staying in The Present Moment

The future is nothing but a fantasy or a daydream,... Read More

Combat Stress by Creating Your Own Oasis

Stress and anxiety can prematurely age our mind and body.... Read More

Stress Control: Tough Leadership vs. Easy Does It

Tough leaders are usually seen as ogres. Their exacting demands... Read More

Stress Managment: How to Beat the Get By Syndrome

I'm sure you have heard of IBS, irritable bowel syndrome,... Read More

When Dreams Get Shattered: Picking Up the Pieces

"Smash!" It was a sunny autumn Saturday. My cousins and... Read More

Five Tips to De-stress Your Life

I recently received this e-mail message about stress management (author... Read More

Three Stress Relief Techniques

There is good stress, and there is bad stress. Good... Read More

The Case Of The Missing Vacation

This is the time for daydreaming about your annual vacation.... Read More

Treat Your Anxiety Disorder Effectively

If you find symptoms of anxiety disorder in any of... Read More

Make a Handbag - Discover Inner Peace and Stress Reduction

Have you ever considered sewing a handbag as an act... Read More

How to Cope When Things Go Wrong

There are times in every person's life when things do... Read More

Conflict Resolution ... What The Heck Are You Thinking?

Do you get frustrated with your spouse, your kids, your... Read More

Training Your Mind For Better Business and Leisure

Training Your Mind For Better Business and LeisureModern life moves... Read More

Quick Steps On Handling Stress

Looking for some quick stress relief?Edward W. Smith, motivational speaker,... Read More

The Power of Five

Do you ever fret? In today's materialistic age, sometimes fretting... Read More

Reduce Stress and Enjoy More Sleep

If you suffer from insomnia of any kind, the chances... Read More

The Jerk is Never Me

Comedian George Carlin once remarked, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone... Read More

Stress Management: Ditch Thinking or Destination Thinking

Imagine driving down the road. You are driving with a... Read More

Stress Management Made Simple And Easy...Just Follow Cliff Kuhn M.D.s Foolproof Formula

Stress management is a hot topic; stress-related illness and suffering... Read More

6 Ways to Release Stress

We are currently living in a capitalist society where money... Read More

Stress in the Workplace

Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More

Five Steps to Stress Relief

So, you've recognised that you are suffering from stress and... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: Watch Your Language

"Watch your language."We all heard this admonition as kids and... Read More

Create Reserves for a Stress Free Life

One of the ways I have avoided a lot of... Read More

Haris Stress Inventory

Conceptualizing stress: Stress often has a negative connotation. Failure, illnesses,... Read More

Ten Easy Relaxation Techniques

Stress is more than just unpleasant. It's dangerous. Try these... Read More

Recognize the Early Signs of Burnout

Most of us are trying to balance work, home, and... Read More

Understanding Your Stress Levels

In order to understand stress better, it is a good... Read More

Easy Elimination Of Worry & Stress!

It is very true that, unfortunately, many people look to... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: Breakdown or Breakthrough?

Q: "My career, though very very stressful, is one that... Read More