Stress Management

Have you ever said the words, "This job/my life is so stressful!" Or something else along those lines?

Most people believe that stress is something that happens in their lives. They believe it is the result of outside circumstances beyond their control. We are stressed if our work is too difficult. We get stressed when people in our lives aren't doing what we want them to do. We are stressed when it's been too long since a vacation. We get stress over deaths, weddings, major purchases and a host of other things. We talk as if stress is something outside ourselves---a condition of things in our external environment. It's not.

Health professionals will tell us that stress is a contributing factor in many physical ailments---heart attacks, asthma, high blood pressure, stroke and many others. There are several diagnoses in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, the diagnostic tool of therapists and psychiatrists that describe many stress-related disorders. Stress is a killer. Have you ever wondered why some people seem to handle stress better than others do?

One individual may have all the life circumstances purported to cause stress in one's life but seem to be just breezing through his or her day, seemingly without a care, while another person gets a flat tire on the way to work and has a total melt down. How can this be explained?

I intend to look at stress from a different perspective---a choice theory perspective.

According to Choice Theory, all behavior is purposeful. This means that no matter what we do it is a purposeful attempt to get something we want. We are never simply responding to outside stimuli.

You may ask, "What about when I flinch when I hear a loud noise?" The flinching is not a response to the noise, but rather your proactive way of staying safe. This may seem like I'm splitting hairs, but it is an important distinction to understand in this discussion of stress.

Let me give you another example. You may think you get mad at your child for not cleaning his or her room after you asked several times. It sure feels as if the anger is in direct response to your child's behavior. However, your anger is actually your best attempt to get your child to do what you want. By displaying angry behavior, it is your belief that your child will go ahead and clean up his or her room. Any behavior or emotion we employ is a proactive, sometimes conscious sometimes not, attempt to get something we want, not a response to external stimuli.

The same is true for stress. We are choosing stress as a proactive attempt to get something we want. This choice is almost never conscious, but I want it to become conscious for you. Once it is conscious, then you have the power to choose to do it differently if you so desire.

Since all behavior is purposeful, it helps to understand what possible benefits or purposes one could achieve by stressing. Who would ever choose that behavior for any benefit?

I say stressing can be motivating. Many of us perform at our peak level when we have that adrenalin rush moving through our veins. Anyone who has ever waited until the last minute to study for a test or complete a project knows what I'm talking about here.

Stressing can also be a way of telling others they better back off. I know when I felt stress, it was my unconscious goal to let my boss know she had better not ask me to do one more thing or I just might lose it! I would send out signals of overwhelm---lots of sighing, threatening looks, irritability, loss of humor. I have to admit that since I didn't do it very often, it was quite effective. Whenever I was stressed, my boss generally left me alone to do my work.

Stressing can also get us the help we need. When the message is out there, others may rally around us to support us. People may actually offer to do some things for us so we can reduce the overwhelm.

Another possible benefit is that stressing can provide us with recognition. People may say, "Wow, look at _____________. I don't know how he/she gets all that done. It's amazing!" There are some who appreciate this positive recognition.

One final thought on stressing benefits. . . When we stress long enough, we may develop physical symptoms. In Choice Theory, Dr. Glasser tells us that are behavior is total, meaning it is comprised of four inseparable component---the action, our thoughts, our feelings and the physiology of our body or whatever our body is doing at that moment. When we don't take care of managing our stress levels, our physiology takes over and creates physical symptoms for us. Now remember, I said all behavior is purposeful and physiology is a part of the total behavior. Do you understand the purpose of the physical symptoms that accompany prolonged stress? Of course, it is our body's way of telling us we have to stop or slow down. It produces the physical symptoms that are hard to ignore. When we attend to them, we get the rest we need and therefore reduce the stress. Can you see how all behavior is purposeful?

If you are experiencing the effects of stress in your life, I am not suggesting that you are to blame. What I am saying is that up until this point, you have been doing absolutely the best you know how, consciously or unconsciously to get something you want by stressing. If you can pinpoint what the benefit(s) of stress is/are to you, then you can look at ways to get what you need without having to stress.

To learn about stress management, visit www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz and check our events calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.

Kim Olver has an undergraduate degree in psychology, a graduate degree in counseling, is a National Certified Counselor and is a licensed professional counselor. Since 1987, Kim has extensively studied the work of Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management. She was certified in Reality Therapy in 1992 and continued her studies to become a certified instructor for the William Glasser Institute. She is an expert at empowering people to navigate the sometimes difficult course of life---teaching them how to get the most out of the circumstances life provides them. She offers free chats, assessments, a blog and an eZine, as well as workshops, teleclasses, e-courses, counseling and coaching.

Visit her website at http://www.CoachingforExcellence.biz or contact her at (708) 957-6047.

---

No More Sleepless Nights (Insomnia)

Insomnia is usually the result of the modern way of... Read More

Worry: Do We Have A Choice?

As Montaigne said, "he who fears he will suffer, already... Read More

Stress Reduction and Sacred Moments

"The great lesson from the true mystics, from the Zen... Read More

Avoiding Stress During the Busy Holiday Shopping Season with eCardica.com

Lake Hopatcong, NJ (PRWEB) November 30, 2004 -- Here are... Read More

Just Breathe - Is This Your Missing Link ?

Breathing is the vital force of life. It is considered... Read More

Coping with Change: Develop Your Personal Strategy

Why do we resist change? As the saying goes, the... Read More

Workplace Stress: What to Do During Down Times?

The main problem in a down economy is that workplaces... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: What We Can Learn from 9 Trapped Miners

Think back a few years to the nine coal miners... Read More

8 Practical Methods to Remain Empowered During Stressful Times

1. Acknowledge that requesting support, guidance and partnership is not... Read More

Anger Management Practice: The Gift of Forgiveness

This anger management Practice draws on the dual wisdom of... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: 3 Steps to Loving What You Do

My first real job (schedule, time clock, paycheck, boss) was... Read More

Stress Management and Creating Balance

The World Health Organization calls stress "the health epidemic of... Read More

The Case Of The Missing Vacation

This is the time for daydreaming about your annual vacation.... Read More

Worry: Is It Worthwhile Work or a Waste of Time?

As tools for change are discussed, one tool - that... Read More

Are YOU Controlling Stress So Stress Does Not Control YOU?

Have you recently moved or started a new job? Do... Read More

Manage Stress and Fear: Visit The Secret Garden!

Recently I completed some new workshop engagements in addition to... Read More

Stress Management and Mastery: How to Handle Change

Q. I have just recently come to recognize that I... Read More

10 Ways to Monitor Corporate Stress Levels

10 Ways to Monitor Corporate Stress LevelsGood military leaders work... Read More

Brain Diet : Right Diet prevents Memory Loss

These days, when people have become so conscious about what... Read More

The 3 Rs of Taking a Vacation Without Leaving Home

This summer, get away, without going away. Take a mini... Read More

Control Stress or It Will Control Your Business

When we think about stress in the workplace, we usually... Read More

Workaholism: 4 Universal Laws for Recovery

The Rule of BalanceThere is more to life than work.... Read More

Stress Dangerously Raises Cholesterol Levels

Several studies, including one of medical students around exam time,... Read More

Life Happens

Shit happens. I know this to be a fact, because... Read More

100 Ways to Reduce Stress

Don't let stress wear you down. Next time you are... Read More

Stress Relief - An Industry For Self Inflicted Stress

Stress ReliefStress is a big business in Western society. We... Read More

Taming September: Avoiding Fall Frenzy

When September rolls around, does it generally hit you like... Read More

5 Top Tips To Boost Your Spirits

1. Take a relaxing bath. Add music, candles and a... Read More

Be Yourself And Zap Stress!

Ask a hundred different people how to deal with stress... Read More

10 Ways to Benchmark Workplace Stress

With almost 50% of workers complaining that their jobs are... Read More

The Jerk is Never Me

Comedian George Carlin once remarked, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone... Read More

How To Put An End To Loneliness

Loneliness and separation are the real illness of our times.... Read More

Dynamic Guide - How to Recharge Your Mind With A Refreshing Recreational Activity!

Let's face it! The majority of our time is either... Read More