There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!

Q: I'm curious. What is the dumbest business question you've ever been asked? -- Norris W.

A: Shame on you, Norris. There is no such thing as a dumb business question. OK, that's not exactly true. There are dumb business questions and I do get quite a few of them. Not through this column, of course. People intelligent enough to actually use a computer and surf the World Wide Web would never submit dumb questions now, would they. OK, that's a lie, too. I've gotten a few head-scratchers in response to this column. You know who you are, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

I have a confession to make. Writing an advice column, whether it be advice for love or money or business, is often hard to do with a straight face. Occasionally a question comes over the digital transom that just makes me go, "Huh?"

It's kind of like trying to stifle a giggle when Grandma breaks wind at Sunday dinner. Some things are just better left ignored.

Of course it's hard to blame a dumb business question on the dog.

I've been writing advice columns for a long time. Most of the requests for advice I receive are sincere and intelligent, and as a (usually) sincere and (somewhat) intelligent columnist, I feel obligated to dispense the best advice I can for the betterment of the person who asked the question.

However, once in a while a real stinker hits the old email box and it takes everything I've got to resist shooting back an answer that is worthy of the question asked.

In other words, when I get a dumb question, my gut reaction is to respond with an answer of equal intelligence, or the lack thereof. Something subtle, like, "Forget business, my friend. The best thing you can do for mankind is to go find a pair of sharp scissors and run? really fast?"

Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest. Greater words of wisdom have rarely been offered before or since.

Then I remember that as an advice columnist I have a duty to my reader, my editor, my publisher, and above all, to my family, who enjoys eating on a regular basis. There aren't too many openings for smart aleck writers anymore (darn that Dave Berry), so I bite my tongue and respond to the question as intelligently as I can. That usually involves requesting more information from the reader so I can offer an informed answer. It's not as satisfying as firing off a sarcastic retort, but it is much better on the old bank account.

Since you asked the question, Norris, I feel obligated to give you an answer. What is the dumbest business question I've ever been asked? I'll let you decide.

The following are real questions from real people that are running around loose among us. If you recognize your question please don't be offended. This is all in good fun and remember, ridicule is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Here's a question I get at least once a week: "I have never been in business before, but I think I'd be really good at it. Can you tell me what would be the best business for me to start?"

Hmm, how about one that involves the Psychic Hotline, since that's who I will have to consult to answer your question. I don't know anything about you, your background, your abilities, your talents, your experience, or anything else. How can I possibly tell you what would be the best business for you? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?

Here's one of my favorites: "I need to make a lot of money really fast. What business should I start?"

You need to make a lot of money fast, huh. No problem. I have one word for you, my friend: counterfeiting? Somebody hand me an umbrella. It's raining stupid in here.

Here's an oldie but a goodie: "I have a killer business idea, but I don't have any money. Do you ever invest in businesses or just give advice?" Unfortunately, I only invest in non-lethal business ideas, so I'll have to pass on your killer idea. Thanks for thinking of me, though. This window is now closed?

And my all-time favorite: "I have a great product that nobody wants to buy. How can I make customers buy my product."

How can you make a customer buy your product? Piece of cake, buddy boy. Try using the same method I use to make my kids mind. Threaten to put your customer in time out if he doesn't buy something from you right this second! Don't make me get up and sell you something, young man?

I could go on, but I think the point is made. Keep those cards and letters coming, boys and girls. It's readers like you that make this job so darn interesting.

Here's to your success.

Tim Knox

Small Business Q&A is written by veteran entrepreneur and syndicated columnist, Tim Knox. Tim serves as the president and CEO of three successful technology companies and is the founder of DropshipWholesale.net, an online organization dedicated to the success of online and eBay entrepreneurs.

Related Links:
http://www.prosperityandprofits.com
http://www.smallbusinessqa.com
http://www.dropshipwholesale.net

---

Do You Love Food? - Then Maybe Opening a Restaurant is Not Such a Crazy Idea

The restaurant industry in the United States employs an estimated... Read More

A Great Logo Is A Marketing Must-Have. But Is It Affordable For Small Business Owners?

And is having a logo really that important?My answer to... Read More

Eight Key Steps to Selling Your Business and Cashing In

This year, some 700,000 American businesses will be sold. Most... Read More

The Skills Gap: It Pays to Use Experts

By outsourcing to skilled professionals you'll be able to grow... Read More

Business Relationships Defined

What makes a business relationship?What really makes a business relationship?... Read More

Dont Wait - Sell The Future Now!

Just as you are about to say "good-bye" to your... Read More

Keeping Business Alive

Who is responsible for maintaining the business relationship?Nurturing a business... Read More

Boat Detailers; Add-on Products and Services

As a Boat Detailing Specialist, you may want to offer... Read More

Combating Over Regulation of Small Business

Many small businesses do quite well due to the blood,... Read More

Bogus Investor and Consumer Complaints and Consumer Misrepresentation

Like most regulatory bodies in the United States, the Federal... Read More

Boston Market; Mobile Auto Detailing

Boston itself covers 50 square miles of concrete and traffic,... Read More

How to Increase the Cash Flow in Your Private Practice in 30 Days

If you have a busy private practice, chances are you... Read More

Setting Up a Pressure Washer Rig to Clean Concrete

Maximum efficiency in the cleaning industry is a key to... Read More

11 Things Small Business Owners Can Learn From The Supreme Court

1. Have A Strong Constitution ? Justices deliver decisions by... Read More

Small Business Opportunities Magazine Business

A Small Business Opportunities Magazine is one of the new... Read More

Simple Business Tactics Are Your Key To Success

In a world full of complications sometimes we overlook the... Read More

Dynamics of Daylight Savings Time on Service Businesses in the United States

The Dynamics of Daylight Savings Time changes the way we... Read More

A Look at Small Business Incorporating in Florida

The choice to incorporate a small business in Florida has... Read More

Small Business Success Secret: Focus on Your Genius Work?

Do you know what your genius work is? It's the... Read More

Getting City Contracts; Local Government Contracting

All cities have a purchasing office and/or a procurement officer.... Read More

Small Business Marketing - How Important Are Your First Words?

"What do you do?" It just might be one of... Read More

How to Profile a Client

At first glance, this topic may seem a little repetitive,... Read More

Creative Marketing Tips: Simple Things You Can Use In Your Business To Attract More Clients

The single most important activity you can do in your... Read More

Why Small Businesses Need Both A Logo And An Identity System

Experts urge small business owners to "brand" their business ?... Read More

How to Get Started As A Government Contractor

Becoming a contractor or sub-contractor for the U.S. government can... Read More

Leverage The Power of Publicity For Your Small Business

Your business is only as good as the number of... Read More

How To Select a Franchise

Here are some useful tips on how to select a... Read More

Your Babys Ugly..and Youve Got Bad Breath

I've got good news and bad news. The good news... Read More

Top 10 Mistakes to Avoid When Joining a Professional Association

I'll be the first to admit that I went a... Read More

Data Loss - Can Your Company Survive? (Most Do Not)

Data. Most people think it is a term relegated to... Read More

Three Ways to Add Leverage to Your Small Business

Remember those drawings from science class of how a lever... Read More

Franchisor; Ongoing Support and Ideas

Ongoing support for a franchise system is omnipotent. A major... Read More

Multiple Clients Create Your Independent Business

Would you rather have one good client paying you five... Read More