Dont Take It Personally

Many of you already know that I've been divorced for 5 years now (Martinis for Everyone!), but I learned more than a few valuable lessons in those 5 years that I'm going to share with you.

When my ex-husband first left, I was almost literally drowning in thoughts of "What's wrong with me?" I lay awake nights thinking of how I could have been different, and what I could have changed about myself to make the outcome different.

Until one day, a bolt of lightning struck me. I was at home, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, caring for 3 children while my husband was at work socializing with other adults, male and female. Treating himself to dinner out with "clients" after work, most often to meals of sushi and dishes like teriyaki chicken, while the children and I feasted on Kraft Dinner. I thought at that time, that being completely wrapped up in who I was as a mother, probably made me a little neglectful of who I was as a woman. I mean, who has time for make-up when you're running to and from ballet classes and piano lessons, along with being literally showered with whatever the baby decided that he didn't want to eat for dinner? Make up? What the hell's that?

My bolt of lightning was this; I was (and am) the mother of 3 children. I did my job with regard to caring for those children, making sure that they had food on the table, and clean clothes to wear. If that job required that I look like a dish-rag part of the time, he would just have to deal with it. His way of "dealing with it" included 'play time' with people outside of the relationship that he had with myself and our children, and that was his decision. There's nothing that I could do about his decision. I could though, start making some decisions of my own.

I first decided that divorce was mandatory here. I went through the various stages. After which time, I realized that this divorce thing could be whatever I chose to make it. It could be my chance to grovel endlessly in self-pity, and beg him to come back. But I didn't want him back. Once he left, it felt as though a huge brick had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe again. My household was much more relaxed. Why on earth would I want him back?

I realized then, that this was actually my chance to make my life what I wanted it to be. I accepted that I couldn't control his actions. I could though, control exactly how I reacted to what he did. I realized that what he did wasn't about me. Yes, it very definitely affected me, and our children, but I had to learn how not to take it personally. What he did, he did for his own selfish reasons, and there's nothing that I could have done to change the outcome. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me.

And that's the lesson for today. Learn not to take the behavior of others, personally. You cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you react to the actions of others.

Martinis for Everyone!

Debbie Burgin

Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3, and owner of two businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, who believes that life actually gets better after divorce. "You have to make the decision that a better life is what you want. This is your chance to start over." Read more about getting through the divorce process at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com

---

The Magic of Mike

The woman stood over the stove stirring a pot of... Read More

Isnt It Time to Give Yourself Permission?

Remember back in school days when you needed a permission... Read More

The Inner Critic Unveiled

Watch your thoughts; they become words.Watch your words; they become... Read More

How To Invite Positive Change In Your Life

Gnothi seauton,, said Socrates. "Know thyself."These words remain as true... Read More

Brainology... Lets Start Learning Something Everyday, Every Moment

Every normal human being learn in his life's each and... Read More

Better Tame The Bull, Or, Youll Eat The Crow!

A man can stand a lot? as long as he... Read More

Dont Let Other Peoples Walls Fence You In

"How's it going?" I asked the clerk in the new... Read More

The Wealth-Receiving Mindset

Here is an exercise for you that will develop what... Read More

Clarity of Vision

Imagine trying to drive at night in your car with... Read More

How The Power of Attraction Can Help You Get What You Want?

"Success is not to be pursued; it is to be... Read More

Thought and The Law of Attraction

We have all heard the expression, "if at first you... Read More

How To Create The Life You Really Want

Australians are losing their laidback, carefree reputation, as we continue... Read More

Heres What I Got Out Of ?What The Bleep Do We Know?

Your mind is so powerful that what you focus on... Read More

Abundance Prosperity Based on Wallace Wattles and Napoleon Hill

It is arguable that the definition of wealth is the... Read More

Do You Have the Skills to be a Secret Service Agent?

Do you have the necessary attributes to be a successful... Read More

Small Steps And Golden Stones

It was a long walk but someone had to do... Read More

Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Whose life are you living? Are you living your dream... Read More

Discover the Magical Power of Pulling Heartstrings ...Its Mindblowing!

I wish you never have to go through that kind... Read More

How to Make Self-Improvement Work Every Time!

There is an inherent problem with the approach most people... Read More

One of the Many Ways That The Science of Getting Rich by Wallace Wattles Gets It Right

I probably would not be able to count the number... Read More

Principles for Total Prosperity In Business And Beyond

Are you looking for that "something" to give you the... Read More

Feeding

The purpose of human existence is to send out impulses... Read More

Bad Luck ... Or Blessing In Disguise?

There was a woman who was in such a hurry... Read More

Choose Your Friends, Choose Your Fate

When I was about 10 years, I got a t-shirt... Read More

Who are You Listening To?

Have you ever noticed that there is no shortage of... Read More

Closing the Feedback Loop

In earlier articles, I've often spoken about the supreme importance... Read More

To Be Or Not To Be, Visible That Is...

Stepping outside your old limitations and 'out of the box'... Read More

What Message Are You Sending Out?

A woman phoned me the other day to ask me... Read More

On Uniqueness

Is being special or unique a property of an object... Read More

Law of Attraction Article: Do You Know About The Power Of Flow?

Flow is the quality of ease that can be integrated... Read More

The Power of Focusing on What Vs. How

We see it and do it enough times to know... Read More

Ego or Higher Self: Whos Behind Your Decisions?

When you make a decision, you hope it is ultimately... Read More

Your Vibrational Meter

Have you ever felt 'stuck' in life? I mean totally... Read More