Dont Take It Personally

Many of you already know that I've been divorced for 5 years now (Martinis for Everyone!), but I learned more than a few valuable lessons in those 5 years that I'm going to share with you.

When my ex-husband first left, I was almost literally drowning in thoughts of "What's wrong with me?" I lay awake nights thinking of how I could have been different, and what I could have changed about myself to make the outcome different.

Until one day, a bolt of lightning struck me. I was at home, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute, caring for 3 children while my husband was at work socializing with other adults, male and female. Treating himself to dinner out with "clients" after work, most often to meals of sushi and dishes like teriyaki chicken, while the children and I feasted on Kraft Dinner. I thought at that time, that being completely wrapped up in who I was as a mother, probably made me a little neglectful of who I was as a woman. I mean, who has time for make-up when you're running to and from ballet classes and piano lessons, along with being literally showered with whatever the baby decided that he didn't want to eat for dinner? Make up? What the hell's that?

My bolt of lightning was this; I was (and am) the mother of 3 children. I did my job with regard to caring for those children, making sure that they had food on the table, and clean clothes to wear. If that job required that I look like a dish-rag part of the time, he would just have to deal with it. His way of "dealing with it" included 'play time' with people outside of the relationship that he had with myself and our children, and that was his decision. There's nothing that I could do about his decision. I could though, start making some decisions of my own.

I first decided that divorce was mandatory here. I went through the various stages. After which time, I realized that this divorce thing could be whatever I chose to make it. It could be my chance to grovel endlessly in self-pity, and beg him to come back. But I didn't want him back. Once he left, it felt as though a huge brick had been lifted from my chest. I could breathe again. My household was much more relaxed. Why on earth would I want him back?

I realized then, that this was actually my chance to make my life what I wanted it to be. I accepted that I couldn't control his actions. I could though, control exactly how I reacted to what he did. I realized that what he did wasn't about me. Yes, it very definitely affected me, and our children, but I had to learn how not to take it personally. What he did, he did for his own selfish reasons, and there's nothing that I could have done to change the outcome. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me.

And that's the lesson for today. Learn not to take the behavior of others, personally. You cannot control the actions of others. You can control how you react to the actions of others.

Martinis for Everyone!

Debbie Burgin

Debbie Burgin is a divorced mother of 3, and owner of two businesses, http://www.warnerdigitalmedia.com, and http://www.debbieburgin.com, who believes that life actually gets better after divorce. "You have to make the decision that a better life is what you want. This is your chance to start over." Read more about getting through the divorce process at http://www.debbieburgin.blogspot.com

---

Would You Rather Be Wealthy?

Would you rather be wealthy or poverty-stricken? Not a difficult... Read More

Discover the Magical Power of Pulling Heartstrings ...Its Mindblowing!

I wish you never have to go through that kind... Read More

The Winning Combo!

What do we all strive for in life? Success! Success... Read More

Your Mind is a Battlefield

Every person should enjoy life in abundance and prosperity, but... Read More

4 Helpful Ways To Beat Shyness

Over half of all adults identify themselves as shy. Shyness... Read More

The Magnetic, Attracting Power of the Mind

The power of the mind draws certain events, circumstances and... Read More

Dreams

When I was a kid sitting in school I can... Read More

If Youre in a Hole, Stop Digging

If you find yourself in a difficult situation, don't continue... Read More

7 Simple Tips For Cultivating Tons Of Confidence

Confidence without competence is a dangerous combination. Make it easy... Read More

Communication Expert Reveals 5 Keys To Self Expression Without Limits

Peter Murphy recently interviewed communication expert John Barker. John is... Read More

Freedom of Choice -- Learning to Make the Right Choices

Recognizing your gift of choice is liberating. This means acknowledging... Read More

Giving Thanks - A Universal Gift

In the USA we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday... Read More

Living Abundantly: May the Force Be With You!

Perhaps, you have heard the phrase "May the force be... Read More

Finding Your Passion

Where does our motivation come from? What makes us want... Read More

What You Habitually Think Becomes Attracted to You

Are you frustrated with a certain area of your life?... Read More

The Power of Perspective

You limit yourself. Yes, it is true. Each day you... Read More

What to Do When Your Spouse or Your Friends are Negative?

This year (2004), I've completed over 64 seminars. And one... Read More

The Centre of Creative Powers!

Evolution is nothing but seeking with clarity, demanding clarity at... Read More

Live Your Own Life

Are you living your life, the way you want to... Read More

Law of Attraction Article: How to STOP Being a Person Nothing Works For

Do you ever wonder why great things happen to some... Read More

Business Intuition: Using the HeartMind

Many scientific studies have demonstrated the reality of intuition for... Read More

Are You The Driver Or The Passenger?

In your journey through life are you the "driver" or... Read More

How do I Know if Im Getting any of This Law of Attraction Stuff?

This is a popular question people ask me. How do... Read More

Who is Directing You?

Recently I had the opportunity to meet a long term... Read More

Who Do You Think You Are?

Are you totally in love with your life?Whatever your current... Read More

How Do You Treat Others?

When others are angry with you, loving to you, critical... Read More

If You Want Others to Like You, Like Yourself First!

Many of us mistakenly believe that it's wrong or conceited,... Read More

Gratitude: 11 Universal Laws for ThanksLiving

The Law of ThanksgivingIt's easy to be grateful around the... Read More

My Assignment ... If You Didnt Create It, Then Its Not Yours!

Life consists of lessons. Living is continual learning. Therefore, if... Read More

Give The Wrong Words An Inch And They May Take A Mile!

What do you do when circumstances seem out of control?... Read More

To Be Or Not To Be, Visible That Is...

Stepping outside your old limitations and 'out of the box'... Read More

A Mini LOA T-ToolTM

The Law of Attraction T-ToolTM is the single most useful... Read More

Abundance or Scarcity: What Belief Do You Choose to Engage?

For the last several years, I have included on my... Read More