Attraction: Is It Worth It?

The Common Scenario:

Your partner is hardly ever home to give you attention and when he is home, he's preoccupied with his own routine. The two of you then start picking on the little things about each other. This makes you feel unappreciated and lonely; down on yourself.

One day, you're running household errands after work and notice a male co-worker. He comes up to you and asks you to join him for coffee. You accept and the two of you talk and laugh. You then exchange email addresses and next thing you know, you're looking forward to talking with him again and maybe even liking your job a little more.

Weeks go by, and the excitement ebbs just a little as you begin to feel guilty and confused. You begin to have obsessive thoughts as your co-worker wants the two of you to have sometime alone. Your wandering if he could bring you the happiness that's lacking in your home life, if the grass is truly greener on the other side.

What do you do?

You're Only Human:

It's human nature for you to know that you're desired or loved and wanted. Of course, some are just plain addicted to the feeling of excitement one gets while going through an attraction with another person other than their partner. Insecure feelings and lack of self confidence can make a person think and sometimes do regrettable things when receiving attention from another. In fact, 274 out of 703 people are lacking intimacy altogether from their partner. Most people yearn for passion in their lives almost more than they want or need money. The media puts great emphasis on it through internet, movies, television, radio, magazines and books. I can't count how many times I've read a juicy romance novel and wanted to pummel my husband with it as he was sacked out on the sofa.

Paying The Piper Of Desire:

Desire with love is over rated and misunderstood everywhere and many relationships are torn apart by perceptions of what a person thinks they need to fill a void in their life. They'll practically sell their souls for romance, passion, desire and excitement. Something that their partner can't or won't give. But then, most never communicate with their partners about what they need so how can they know that they can't get it? The few that have discussed their needs and wants with their partners still don't receive it which momentarily justifies their actions. Very rarely does either party gain anything but guilt and even self-loathsome. Not to mention, what others feel and think about them when they choose to act upon their attraction or infatuation.

Phase In...Phase Out:

Infatuation is a strong, foolish, yet transitory, attachment to someone or something. Attraction is similar but less worded. In a survey I conducted, the average person that experienced attraction or infatuation was in the thirty-something category. Many people, especially women, go through an extreme transition at this stage in life. Primping in the mirror and finding the crows feet forming or the laugh lines. Looking back to see what has been accomplished and what hasn't. Wondering what's out there. We all go through it and it does take a toll on our self-esteem.

Use It Or Lose It:

Personally, infatuation over someone other than your partner can actually put spark into a stale relationship. According to my own survey, 19% said that their relationship and feelings with their partner were positively stronger after their infatuation with another. On the other hand, 31% said it never changed their relationship at all because they never told their partner and never acted on their feelings.

Most people do make the undeniable mistake of acting on their infatuation while otherwise committed to another. Out of 294 males, 124 have cheated on their partner and 122 out of 326 females did the same. Approximately, 30% of my personal survey takers advise others in similar situations to "be careful" because "it's not worth it" or "recognize the attraction for what it is and don't read more into it." On a positive note, 37% of those that took the survey did not act upon their attraction.

Is This Love?

The definition of love is, a feeling that animates a person who is devoted to, and sincerely fond of another person or thing that they desire actively. No wonder so many confuse infatuation and attraction with love! The similarities are quite evident. But the key words are "devoted" and "desire actively". Love for another is long-lasting, a more grounded feeling than infatuation or attraction. None of the situations mentioned in my own survey resulted in love or marriage with the other person. Although, 44% resulted in a serious, sexual relationship but neither case ended up as just a one-night-stand. For the most part, 27% say that it's just a memory that they'd rather forget. And only 27% hope to see that person again.

Rewind And Redefine:

So why are most of us so hell-bent on the excitement of infatuation or always wondering if the next person is "the one" even though we are already in a commitment? It's all about ourselves. What we're not getting and refuse to ask for and give in return. How we feel about or see ourselves through another's eyes. Our boredom with a current situation. Not to mention, some of us are just thrill-seekers and taboo-addicts.

Recently, I came upon a quote from SavvyMale.com on attraction.

"We go to the garden to look at the flowers, not the weeds. People are attracted to different looking flowers. But even some pretty flowers stink once we try to smell them."

In my opinion, the moral of this quote is, physical attraction is important at first. Only when we attempt to explore more qualities will we know if a chemistry exists and most of the time it doesn't. However, if we are already committed to another, we can still look at the pretty flowers; just leave them alone. Instead, share your feelings of their beauty with your partner and cultivate your own beautiful garden as a couple. There's a greater chance of your grass being the greenest of all.

© Audrey King 2005 'Links For Moms' bringing valuable resources to busy moms. http://www.linksformoms.com

---

Improve Your Love Luck with Feng Shui!

Are you tired of looking for love without success? If... Read More

Why Its Good To Be Alone

Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to... Read More

Are all Men Unfaithful?

"Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming,... Read More

How to Increase Romance with Humor

Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants... Read More

Anniversary Blues

Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their... Read More

Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs

Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children.... Read More

How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!

Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

The question I am asked most often is: I think... Read More

The Best Break Up Advice

Extreme Breakup Recovery Maximum Healing ? Minimum TimeIf you are... Read More

The Tablet of Venus

In the 17th century, divination devices called The Tablets of... Read More

Relationship Spring Cleaning by Susan Sheppard

History doesn't belong in a relationship that is presentMy friend,... Read More

What Is Love And The Love Equation

What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More

Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships

One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their... Read More

Your Next Relationship - Heaven or Hell?

We've all had relationships that we've looked back on and... Read More

Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others

As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the... Read More

Your Next Argument: 10 Thngs to Consider Before You Get There

1. It's addictive. Fighting, and the anger that comes with... Read More

Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating

The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner".... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

Sometimes You Got to Spy ? Dealing with Online Infidelity

Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes... Read More

Are You Looking for Ms. Right or Mr. Not so Wrong?

Do you want to find the "love of your life?"It's... Read More

How to Choose Your Life Partner?

You have reached the age where you can start thinking... Read More

Christmas Gifts Can Be a Cheating Husbands Undoing

Have you been plagued by the nagging feeling that your... Read More

What?s Special About Abused Women?

Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By... Read More

He?s So Loving (But He Has These Black Moods)

It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving... Read More

Never Ever Show Youre Jealous

O.k., you're standing there all alone at a party and... Read More

Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

Women Are Not Aliens

One of the very worst mistakes a man can make... Read More

How to Use Humor to Improve Your Relationships

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More

Feel Like a (Romantic) Kid Again

If the start of the school year makes you a... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

Set Your Relationship Up for Success

A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships,... Read More