Lovers Quarrel

One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and giggling with all your might. Then a few minutes later, you begin yelling and berating each other and a lover's quarrel is already in progress. A little bantering was all it took to stoke up a rising emotional tension.

Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple is, an argument occasionaly looms to create a tide in the relationship. Although sometimes it shakes a relationship down to its very core, if handled well, it is healthy and can help create lasting relationships. Here is a list of what couples like you usually argue about and what you should do whenever you are faced with another petty bickering.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It is not negative in itself. How people react to jealous feelings make it negative.

Usually, jealousy stems from the lack of trust or lack of assurance from one's partner. It can also come from a low self-image or an inferioriy complex. If you're the jealous one, learn to act by reason and not by emotion. Your jealousy is just a product of your own mental-emotional patterns that only exist in your head. Just because your lover admired something about another person, does not mean that you are loved any less, or that the person is more attractive than you are. Voice out how you feel to your partner so that you can discuss things and he can help you alleviate your jealousy. If your partner is the green-eyed monster, assure him of your devotion and reassure him of his innate worth as your love mate. Perhaps your partner needs more attention and affection than you are giving him.

Individual Differences

When you first met, it may be the similarities you found with each other that instantly created the bond and rapport. However, as you knew each other better, it's your differences that potentially fashioned the strength of your relationship. Hence, it is important that you value the differences that make you unique as a couple. Perhaps, there might be times when you may want to change your partner into your view of his potential. But even if you'd succeed in your crusade, chances are you'd lose respect for him for allowing you to have done it and for not having the personal strength to be himself. So it is better that you both learn to compromise and meet halfway everytime a conflict surges. Be ready to recognize each other's weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. Instead of seeing yourselves as separate individuals, practise seeing each other as an aspect of yourselves. In this way you shatter the illusion of separation and bridge the gap that's keeping you asunder.

Unmet Expectations

When a dispute recurs but too many times like a bad case of athlete's foot but you have no clue as to what's really causing the problem, odds are it was because your partner did not meet your expectations or he didn't meet yours. When expectations are not met, a spat usually ushers in. Depending on the expectations you may want to concede in your relationship, it is highly commendable that you bring your expectations upfront from the very start of the relationship. Determine which expectations are most important to you and which are most important to your partner. Spend some time tossing around what you both desire and need from the relationship and what you must have and won't tolerate from each other. Remember, love works best when it involves both give and take.

You're-Wrong-I'm-Right Attitude

Instincts often tell us not to give up and admit defeat in times of disagreements especially if we are certain that we are right. But come to think of it, does it really matter who's right and who's not? In a relationship, it is never good to assert too much if it means you could hurt your partner. Let go of having to "be right!" If you must speak up, do it lovingly. Never tell your partner that he is wrong straight in the face. If you do this, you may just stir a storm in a teacup and set about a violent outburst. Instead of having to be RIGHT, decide between your mate that it is more important to be HAPPY. Discuss in a loving way areas of mutual concern then agree on certain terms so that you prevent yourselves from meshing with future disagreements.

Money Matters

When you're going through the honeymoon phase of your relationship, money may not be much of an issue. Nonetheless, as the relationship progresses, power struggles and control issues around money may just start surfacing. This creates tension that if not resolved, can put a serious damper on the relationship. Where critical differences exist in your financial expectations, try to negotiate. Work out a way of managing your finances that gives you both some control. In any case, if one is earning more than the other, he/she shouldn't hold all the control because even if the other is contributing less in the financial aspect, that does not mean he/she is contributing any less in other areas of the relationship. Over all of this, if there are still issues, sit and talk things over. Discussion and cooperation may not confer instant solutions to difficult financial issues, but knowing you and your partner agree about how to approach the situation will help maintain the zing in your relationship.

Arguments by nature are difficult and can even be hurtful and frustrating. And yet, they are a normal natural aspect of any relationship. Like the salt to meat dishes, they add flavor to the lives of couples and help build better relationships. On the other hand, if disputes are handled poorly, they can also potentially wreck a strong relationship. So, in order to avoid this, every disagreement should be carefully handled in a way that would boost relationship satisfaction and pave the way for new growth together. Truly, it's fun to fight and make up (and out) after knowing you have worked together through it all.

Copyright(c) 2005 Rachelle Arlin Credo. All rights reserved.

Rachelle Arlin Credo is an entrepreneur and relationship coach. She also works as an image consultant and part-time writer. Formerly a contributing scribe to The Freeman and Sunstar Daily - Philippines, she writes short stories, poems, essays, and tons of articles for Writers.net, Netterweb.com, Ideamarketers.com, Searchwarp.com, and Goarticles.com. For more info, mailto: raeshylle@yahoo.com.

---

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

When Attracting Sexy Women, Remember... Time And Circumstance Change Everything

Many guys are just too intimidated and full of anxiety... Read More

Denial Is Not A River In Egypt

Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is... Read More

Love or Lust

Do you know what the definition of love is? This... Read More

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Affairs: What an Affair Really Is and What an Affair Really Does

We hear about it all the time - in magazines,... Read More

The Battle of the Sexes!

During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

Relationship Problems Have Warning Signs

Families are made up of individuals; men, women, and children.... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes Part II

How many time have you felt an instant attraction to... Read More

Getting Out... Together

So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More

He Said, She Said

The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More

Relationship Advice: Powerful Tips for Staying Close and Connected

Staying close in your relationship does not just happen.Staying close... Read More

The Male Rating System

While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More

Find Love The Zen Way

"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More

Long Distance Love

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare.... Read More

Building the Bond in Your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

Women and Men: Never The Twain Shall Meet

"Dear Happy Guy,"I just don't understand men. Last night I... Read More

The Sound of His Laughter

When you're searching for your Mr. Right, I want you... Read More

Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions

Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1

When you were little, you looked up to your parents.... Read More

When Your Relationships Turn Abusive - What You Can Do

Sometimes the people who are the closest to us, our... Read More

The Secret Power of Romance and How It Can Work for You

There are some men who will never understand the importance... Read More

Are You My Soul Mate?

I'm always dumbfounded when someone walks up to me and... Read More

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

Slaying The Green Eyed Monster

He hasn't called in hours. You call and get the... Read More

Getting More From Dating, Romantic Relationships, and Marriage

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a... Read More

Relationship Advice: How to Make a Genuine Apology

A genuine apology contains at least four elements: apology, acknowledgment,... Read More

Relationship Arguments - 7 Ways to Heal Past Hurts

Q: I've read that you are never supposed to bring... Read More