Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out of love - is a natural and widespread phenomenon in long-term relationships.

As a matter of fact, most of these relationships experience an ebb and flow that is quite normal and to be expected.

The problem, as I see it, is that most of us buy into the idea that we are supposed to fall in love and live ``happily ever after.''

In reality, there are times when you may not even like the person you are married to. I believe it was Billy Joel who said, ``You might love somebody but you won't want 'em everyday.'' It's no coincidence that the song is titled ``Ain't No Crime.''

The normal ebb and flow of relationships seems to involve at least three distinct stages: ``in love,'' ``out of love'' and ``wanting out.''

In Love

This is certainly the most fun and enjoyable of the three stages. It's when you just can't get enough of each other. This can be in the early part of a relationship, as well at in many different times throughout a relationship, when couples experience fun, passion and excitement.

Here some tips about the ``in-love'' stage:

Pay attention during these times to what you are doing that helps you to enjoy each other.

Relax and enjoy the ride.

Out of Love

This is the stage when you are just sort of going through the motions of day-to-day living. Nothing is really wrong, at least nothing you can put your finger on.

While you may still be having fun together, there just doesn't seem to be much excitement or passion in the relationship. Many couples have described this stage to me as ``it seems like we're just roommates or something.''

Some tips:

Don't panic, this can be very normal.

Enjoy being friends.

Remember and then do the things you did when you felt closest.

Wanting Out

This seems to be the most frightening stage of all. In this stage, we think such things as, ``I wonder what it would be like to be single again'' and ``Who is this person I married?''

We are usually not well prepared for these thoughts and feelings.

A couple once told me the story of when the husband came to the wife and said the sometimes ominous words, ``We need to talk.'' He went on to say, with much apprehension, ``I'm not sure I feel like being married anymore.'' Potentially frightening words.

The wife, in her wisdom, was able to say, ``Oh, is that all?''

What she was able to do with her response was to normalize the situation. This allowed the couple to handle the situation as a normal part of married life.

Tips:

Try not to make any major decisions during this stage.

Remember that this can be a normal phase, and only a phase, of marriage.

Remember that you don't have to act on every feeling that comes up.

It's OK, and can even be helpful, to talk about the feelings involved.

The ebb and flow of marriage is sometimes difficult to manage. It's important to remember that these stages are all normal and will pass, as is the nature of stages.

While it's certainly not always easy, hanging in there can often be very much worth it.

For even more tips and strategies for a great relationship visit relationship coach Jeff Herring's SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

---

Successful on the Outside, Lonely on the Inside: Our Hidden Epidemic

I say "Loneliness. Isolation. Invisibility."You ask "Eleanor Rigby?" I say... Read More

How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track

Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More

Womens Cosmic Personality Quiz: Are You a Star Woman or an Earth Mother?

Star Women are visionary leaders, and focused on the future.... Read More

Attraction vs. Love

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or... Read More

For Soul Mates: Will you grow or stagnate? Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to... Read More

Energize Your Relationship By Celebrating Hoodie-Hoo Day February 20th

What is Hoodie-Hoo Day and what does it have to... Read More

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What... Read More

Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More

Love - Entrepreneur Style

For many of us, love has become a distant ideal.... Read More

Common Relationship Problems

The essential problem in any bad relationship is a breakdown... Read More

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship

It's not working. Your relationship with your partner is not... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

The question I am asked most often is: I think... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Coping with Your Difficulties in Yourself

Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a... Read More

How to Increase Romance with Humor

Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants... Read More

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Eight Ways to be a Better Friend

Being a good friend is a skill we can learn... Read More

Real Solutions For Combatting Extreme Shyness

Most people experience some degree of shyness from time to... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

Name That Tune

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 26,... Read More

Dumped? Get Set for a New Life

Welcome to Dumpsville. Population - you!You've been dumped for a... Read More

Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work

Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm... Read More

Dont Avoid Conflict and Confrontation with Your Spouse

"I just let him handle things his way." "We're not... Read More

Penpal and Christian Penpal

Having a penpal can be fun; bringing diversity into your... Read More

The Secret of Relationship Success

With a divorce rate in this country that approaches 50%,... Read More

Relationship Conflict: 5 Deadly Mistakes and What to Do Instead

While conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret... Read More

How To (Wo)man Your Boundaries

The first time I ever heard "boundaries" mentioned, it was... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

Passions Search for Destiny

She was haunted by a man whom she had never... Read More

Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly... Read More

Are the Neighbors Next Door Secretly Swinging?

The swinging lifestyle does not discriminate against race, body type,... Read More

A Dream of the Perfect Partner

Your dream is so beautiful and it is never to... Read More