Relationhip Advice: 10 Magic Words

Just about every night at our house, we read a book called "Say The Magic Words Please" to our young son. The story has lots of magic words, such as "please," "thank you" and "excuse me."

Why am I telling you this?

Well, the other night the book got me to wondering about what the "magic words" might be for couples. You know, all those words and phrases we tend to forget after a few years of marriage.

As a result of my wondering, and a highly scientific poll (I asked my wife, my friends and my clients, in that order), here are a few suggestions:

"I Love You" - Gotta start there. They are such simple little words, yet if left unspoken, they can cause a lot of damage.

When a person begins to believe that they are no longer loved, bad things start to happen fairly quickly.

"Let's try it your way" - It's human nature to want to be right. For some, it's an addiction. Having the grace to say "Let's try it your way" says that you not only value the other person, you think you made a good choice as well.

"Maybe you're right" - A cousin to "Let's try it your way," these words make room for the possibility that there is another valid point of view besides your own.

"How can I show you I love you today?" - What a grand invitation! Imagine what it would feel like to hear that on a regular basis.

"I'm sorry I hurt you" - So necessary yet at times so hard to say.

Remember the '70s movie "Love Story" and its famous theme: "Love is never having to say you're sorry"? That just doesn't work in the real world.

People tend to overlook the fact that in the movie the woman died young before we could see the long-term results of never saying you're sorry.

"Please forgive me" - Usually needs to follow "I'm sorry." Many husbands have told me they feel they should wear a T-shirt that says "I'M SORRY." My question to them (and often to myself) is, "Do you follow it up with 'Please forgive me?' "

Anyone can say "I'm sorry." That's fairly easy. "Please forgive me" does at least three important things:

Acknowledges the hurt.

Requires more vulnerability.

Comes with a commitment not to hurt again, to change.

Other magic words:

Say your vows again. A real marriage, a continual wedding, if you will, needs much more than a one-time recitation of vows. Marriage enrichment experts Joe and Barbara Mills recommend that couples restate their vows at least once a year.

"Would you like to go on a date with me this Saturday night?" When was the last time you asked your partner for a date? We all like to be courted, so call them up and ask them out! How about right now? If you're at home, go to a neighbor's house and call. Just do it. The results can be pretty cool.

"Hi, I just called to say I'm thinking of you." Enough said.

"How am I doing as a spouse and partner?" This one is only for the strong at heart. Most of us never got any hands-on instruction on how to do this marriage thing. We just make it up as we go along.

Having the guts to ask how you are doing lets your partner know at least three things:

The relationship is very important to you.

You are willing to learn.

You are willing to change if needed.

So there we are, a few magic words for a marriage. How might your relationship be if you practiced these magic words, say, one a week for the next 10 weeks?

Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship Columnist. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more relationship tips and tools, a free internet newsletter and free e-programs to enrich your relationship

---

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say?

How often do you think about what you are going... Read More

Cheating Spouse: Is Spying an Invasion of Privacy?

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers... Read More

Interview with Tigress Luv: How To Get Over A Breakup

Recently I had the opportunity to interview my personal favorite... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Ounce of Prevention

"To love, honour and cherish", easy words to say during... Read More

king Your Relationship Pattern, Part 3

Do you want to put to rest the people and... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

Friendship Advice for a Shrinking Planet

Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial... Read More

How Not to Compromise With Your Partner

Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend... Read More

Love Advice: Are You Frozen in Time?

Falling in love is a process that one cannot stay... Read More

Importance Of Background In A Relationship

Should coming from the same background be a major issue... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Start That Conversation

Annie waited too long to have that talk with her... Read More

How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!

Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More

Everything I Know About Relationship Success I Learned At The Playground

It happened again!I was enjoying an evening with my little... Read More

Why Men Cheat

"Big, little or short or tall, Wish I could have... Read More

Romantic Gift Guide

It is a commonly held belief, mainly amongst men, that... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

The Fine Art of Flirting

Did you know that it is not necessarily your looks... Read More

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

How Love Dies: Spot the Symptoms Now, and Get Your Love Back on Track

Are you starting to feel that your man has changed... Read More

Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More

What Keeps Couples Together

There are several things you can do, especially when your... Read More

Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in Relationships

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More

Successful on the Outside, Lonely on the Inside: Our Hidden Epidemic

I say "Loneliness. Isolation. Invisibility."You ask "Eleanor Rigby?" I say... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know and What You Can Do to Help

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing

Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis... Read More

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What... Read More

Calling Forth a Soulmate

How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You... Read More

Relationhip Advice: How to Have Fun Together

Work. Bills. Kids. Chores.Etc.All these things get in the way... Read More

How realistic are we?

So often when we think of our ideal mate we... Read More

Will They or Will They Not Cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More