But Its Just the Guys -- The Importance of Sacrifice in Relationships

If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must be willing to make a few sacrifices to invest in your happy future with the woman of your dreams. You simply cannot continue to live the happy-go-lucky life of the single guy and expect to make your partnership with a woman succeed. It just doesn't work that way.

Solid relationships take hard work, not just in the beginning, but throughout your entire life together. Building a solid, long-term relationship also means making a few sacrifices along the way. Ask yourself what is most important to you. If your relationship with your lady is the most important thing...then you may have to give up certain other aspects of your life to maintain that relationship and keep it on solid ground.

If you've been "going out with the guys" for a few beers after work on Friday evenings and have no real intention of giving up your night out...I'll be quite frank with you. It's going to take a very, very special woman who will put up with that for long. She may tell you in the beginning she doesn't mind, and if you are home at a reasonable hour, you might just be able to pull it off and keep her happy as well. But don't count on it.

It may all be very innocent in your mind and you can protest profusely, "But I'm just out with the guys. It's not like I'm being unfaithful to her or anything." But you are, at least in her mind...in subtle ways the male brain usually cannot understand.

We all know that one beer sometimes leads to another and to another and to another. If you can limit yourself and return home to your lady early in the evening, perhaps you will never have any problems with her over your "night out with the guys" ritual.

But sooner or later, the time may come when before you know it, it's midnight and your lady has been home alone all night long. How long would you stay at home alone every Friday night waiting on her if she was the one out with her friends? Not for long, I'll bet.

So ask yourself, is it really fair of you to expect her to sit at home alone while you're out on the town without her? Think about that and be honest with yourself. What would you be thinking and feeling if the tables were turned? More importantly, what would you do about it?

What do guys do when they're out together? Talk about sports? Maybe. But they look at girls too, right? You may not even talk to another woman while you're out with your male friends. You may not even come within ten feet of another woman, but you're still looking, right? Of course you are. What man doesn't look? And all women know this.

There is no harm in "just looking". But if you're checking the girls out, you can bet there are girls who are checking you out as well. It's the name of the game. Sooner or later, after so much alcohol has been consumed, you'll let your guard down. Someone may strike up a conversation. It may not even be you. It may be one of those girls who's been checking you out or a girl who sees you in the club at the same time every week.

Women know how to play a man. Men don't always let their brain do the thinking, especially after a few drinks and a clever woman knows this. Suddenly, your girl at home isn't even in your thoughts anymore. You're thinking only of the hot little number standing next to you in a bar and smells, oh, so good and is smiling up at you so sweetly. Next thing you know, she's pulling you out on the dance floor or snuggling up to you. Can you see where all this may be leading?

OK, OK...so you still go home to your lady who's waiting so patiently. But now your mind is on the girl you left behind in the club and you're thinking of what might have been. Even though you haven't been physically unfaithful to your partner, you may already have committed adultery in your mind.

But nothing happened, you protest. Maybe not this time and maybe even not next time. But the seed has been planted. And your woman knows this. She knows intuitively and senses the subtle changes which have occurred in your relationship. She may smell the lingering scent of perfume and she knows that scent wouldn't be there unless you were having physical contact with someone else.

Even without the telltale scent of another woman, no matter how cleverly you may think you're hiding your thoughts, you can't keep your lady from sensing something has changed. She may not tell you, but now her mind is working overtime and she's thinking things over. She may not behave as if anything is different between the two of you, but deep inside her she knows something has changed.

Before you know it, she's accusing you of infidelity because she senses it and sees all the signs of it. It doesn't matter if it really happened or not. The point is, you've subconsciously given her some subtle sign that, for one brief moment, your thoughts were on another woman and now she has reason to doubt you...especially if she detected the scent of strange perfume on your shirt. That alone is all the reason she needs to be suspicious.

An occasional night out with the guys will usually not make a huge difference in your relationship, particularly if your lady is open-minded and understanding that you need your time with the guys.

But if you tell her, in so many words, that you are going to continue going out with the guys on a regular basis whether she likes it or not, she's simply going to think she's not very important to you and other things in your life will take precedence over your relationship with her. That is not a good seed to plant in her mind if you want to have a long-term relationship with her.

Most women don't want to control your life or take over your life completely. After all, she needs her time away from you as well. She does, however, want to be the center of your life and more important to you than anything else.

If you regularly show her she's your first priority, it goes a long way toward building a strong, healthy, trusting relationship with her. By never giving her reason to feel insecure in the relationship and proving to her you love her more than anything or anyone else, she will never have any reason not to trust you and the love you share will become even stronger.

Copyright 2005 Deborah Willis All Rights Reserved

Deborah Willis is the author of ATTRACT WOMEN -- The Average Man's Guide To Attracting, Dating, Loving, and Maintaining Relationships with Women.

For more down-to-earth advice for men visit ATTRACT WOMEN

This article may be freely reprinted as long as the article resource is left intact and there is a live link to the author's web site.

---

Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud

So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

Am I Doing the Right Thing?

Dear Candace,My fiancé and I just broke up, and I... Read More

Love Problems

Often times when a couple gets married, things get pushed... Read More

Has The Magic Gone From Your Relationship?

Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now.... Read More

Revenge ? Serve It Cold!

Whether you caught him in bed with the local bimbo,... Read More

How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships

"You know, I really do love fish!" My friend... Read More

Lab Created Diamonds Are Now Exceedingly Good

When we think of precious gems, we usually spare little... Read More

True Friendships - How to Get True Friends and Friendships

True Friendship - RecognitionHow can we find true friendships in... Read More

What Does Relational Success Look Like? (Characteristics Of A Growing Relationship)

RELATIONAL SUCCESS...Loving in the good times -- and the not-so-good... Read More

What?s Special About Abused Women?

Before writing this article, I stopped and thought hard. By... Read More

How To Seduce A Woman The Right Way

Gentlemen, if you really want to seduce a woman the... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Get Out and Stay Out of Relationships Ruts

"The only difference between a rut and a grave are... Read More

A Look at Interracial Relationships

There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Few Observations on Marriage and Relationships

Here are a few observations on marriage and relationships.Information ExplosionJust... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More

Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships

Is it possible that a scent can make you more... Read More

Why Do Men Cheat?

In my relationship work, this question is probably the one... Read More

Simple Love Spells

Here are some very simple rituals, some old, and some... Read More

Emotional Investments

It is a given truth that there are people out... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

How To Write a Romantic Love Letter

Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem... Read More

Taking the True Relationship Test

If you have ever read teen magazines you will be... Read More

The Counsel of Caution

Caution is a word with a fine old-fashioned ring. The... Read More

Your Next Argument: 10 Thngs to Consider Before You Get There

1. It's addictive. Fighting, and the anger that comes with... Read More

Relationship Advice: Grieving Before Going On

Q. I got married for the first time when I... Read More

Want To Strengthen Your Relationship

Open your mouth. What do I mean? Talk ? say... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Strayed

To the spouse who had the affair, it's time for... Read More

Being A Friend Through A Divorce

We used to joke amongst the couples we are close... Read More

African Dating - Pride and Ambition

It is no secret that African culture is known for... Read More

The Freedom to Fall

So you want a soulmate do you? Okay not necessarily... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More