Relationship Advice: Why Brad and Jen Broke Up and What We Can Learn from Them

It's been a few months since the riveting headlines: The Dream Couple, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston broke up. The fall out from this celebrity break up is still plastered all over the magazine headlines.

Parade magazine recently took a poll asking for the number one celebrity shocker of the year. And who'd-a-thunk-it, Brad and Jen's breakup was the number one rated celebrity shocker of the year.

How could this be? This is the dream couple who have everything going for them: Money, fame, fortune, looks, glamour, celebrity.

How could this happen?

Because fame, fortune, looks, glamour, and celebrity do not sustain a relationship.

A good fit and a good connection make for a sustainable relationship.

What Makes for a Good Fit?

So what makes for a good fit? Just three things are needed to make a good fit ? requirements, needs and wants.

For a relationship to work and be sustainable long term, there must be a good fit between the requirements, needs, and wants of the two people.

Requirements

Simply stated, a requirement is "a gotta have." A requirement is a deal breaker. The relationships will not work if this is not present. There is no room for compromise.

For example, if one person wants children and the other one does not, that's a deal breaker. You cannot compromise here because you cannot have half a child.

If you are not sure if something is a requirement for you, ask yourself this question "If I was with Brad Pitt/Jennifer Anniston, and everything else was great, but this one thing was not there, would the relationship work?"

If the answer is no, then it is a requirement. If the answer is a serious yes, then it is a need.

Needs

Needs are similar to, yet different from requirements. Needs can be negotiated. There is room for compromise and negotiation.

For example, if you have a strong desire for time alone, you can negotiate the what, when, where of alone time.

There are two types of needs, functional and emotional. Functional needs are things that need to happen in a relationship, like saving money, keeping the house clean, or having sex three times a week. Emotional needs are something you need to experience to feel loved by the other person, such as security or appreciation.

Wants

A want is the gravy in a relationship, the icing on the cake. Wants are things that make the relationship fun.

Most people become attracted to each other based on wants and desires, and needs and even requirements are ignored. In a successful relationship, there is alignment between the wants and needs of both people.

An alignment of requirements and needs between two people is what makes for a successful and happy long term relationship.

And all the glamour, good looks, fame and fortune of a Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston won't be enough if the good fit is not there.

Jeff Herring coaches singles and couples to live the life they love with the love of their life. Jeff is also a speaker and syndicated relationship columnist in newspapers all over the world. For more tips and coaching for your relationship, and to sign up for the free weekly internet newsletter "Great Relationships Tip of the Week" Jeff invites you to visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

---

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

Relationships: Last a Lifetime

Stepping into a new position brought along a few surprises.... Read More

Assuming Personal Responsibility in Relationships

Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families says... Read More

The Key to Ending Pain With Others

It has taken me 40 years to learn exactly how... Read More

One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart

I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5... Read More

I Have A Secret to Share

Dear Candace,I have been through a lot over the last... Read More

How Can I Get My Partner To Change?

How much energy do you spend trying to get what... Read More

Bring Back the Cilice Belt

Among Dan Brown's many accomplishments is bringing the cilice belt... Read More

He Still Hasnt Popped the Question - Should You Give Him an Ultimatum?

You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet... Read More

Charisma, Love and Health

This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More

Is Your Mate Cheating?

You've been together several months, but something doesn't feel quite... Read More

The Male Rating System

While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More

How to Survive Long Distance Relationships

One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they?... Read More

Buying A Diamond For Your Special Person?

The first thing you want to consider when buying a... Read More

How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say?

How often do you think about what you are going... Read More

Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect... Read More

Flirting For A Long-Term Relationship

Have you ever wondered why we flirt? I mean, we've... Read More

Preteen Relationships

Even preteens have relationships that are important to them. In... Read More

Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish Family

I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all,... Read More

Relationship Tips: 16 Practical Dramatic Ways to Know if He/She is REALLY Changing

Every relationship hits a snag, or worse, a major crisis... Read More

Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love

>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The... Read More

Relationship Conflict: Lock Horns or Lock Arms

One of my favorite comic strips growing up was "The... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

Recharging Your Relationship

Now you may ask why we would write an article... Read More

How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women

CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that... Read More

Why Do Men Cheat?

In my relationship work, this question is probably the one... Read More

Denial Is Not A River In Egypt

Original it ain't, but it still merits repetition: "Denial is... Read More

The Flames of Love

Suppose you have everything; a good job, good health, good... Read More

Fight, Flight, or Loving Action

Fight or flight - our automatic response to danger. When... Read More

Conflicts Dont Have to Mean a Fight to the Death

Although conflict in marriage is inevitable, fighting is optional.The secret... Read More

Looking for a Lasting, Deeply Satisfying Relationship?

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in... Read More