What Is A Boundary In A Relationship?

You might ask yourself, I have heard this word boundary, but I do not know what it means. Boundaries are often mentioned in terms of relationships. Boundaries are a simple concept, but they can vary from person to person. Boundaries essentially keep the good stuff on the inside and the bad stuff on the outside. In the book Making Dating Work Boundaries in Dating, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend discuss boundaries at length. It is a fabulous book to pick up if you are interested in how boundaries should apply in a relationship.

Now, I just mentioned that everyone has boundaries whether they realize them or not, and they are meant to keep the good stuff on the inside, and the bad stuff on the outside. Now boundaries can keep the good people close to you, and the people that will hurt you away. Think of boundaries as an invisible property line around yourself, and that those boundaries should keep the good things in, and protect you from things you do not want in.

Examples of violations of your person boundaries include: the loss of freedom of oneself, being with the wrong person, control issues, the inability to say no, doing too much within the relationship at the expense of yourself. Boundaries are your beliefs and ideals that make you especially unique. Infringing upon your boundaries only serves to make you an unhappy person.

How do you know what your personal boundaries are? You need to know yourself. Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true." You do need to know what is important to you. What qualities do you like in yourself, and want from others. For example if you value honestly, being with someone that is not honest will not make you happy in the long term. You will need to be strong enough in your personal character to eliminate people who do not exhibit honestly in their words and in their actions.

Now looking at just you being honest with yourself requires some homework on your part to acknowledge what is important to you, for you to be willing to uphold your ideas, and then you must communicate your ideals to others. You need to communicate your expectations about a relationship clearly. When that other person may violate your expectations you need to be willing to discuss these ideas head on, and if need be you need to be willing to set that relationship free.

Boundaries are really meant to protect you. They are meant to keep you happy, and safe in relationships, whether these are friendships or relationships that may go further. You do have some ownership in knowing what things are important to you, they may be honestly, personal character, not using drugs and or alcohol. Once you know where your standards are you can communicate these to others and position yourself around people that will not violate your personal boundaries.

Stephanie Manley is the editor for http://www.copykat.com, she also writes a variety of articles on relationships at http://romancelessons.blogspot.com.

---

How To Seduce A Woman The Right Way

Gentlemen, if you really want to seduce a woman the... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

How To Tell If Someone You Meet In An Online Profile Or Advert Is Married/Partnered Or A Troll - 1

Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More

Relationship Advice: 4 Ways to Handle an Unsolvable Relationship Problem

1) Leave the relationshipThis is the most common alternative chosen,... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

Dont Ignore the Signs: How Emotional Infidelity Can Ruin Your Relationship

Emotional infidelity can start with a simple hi or a... Read More

Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child?

So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More

The Egoistic Friend

What are friends for and how can a friendship be... Read More

Relationship Advice: Who Are You and What Have You Done with My Spouse?

"When we marry, we don't marry one person, we marry... Read More

Stop Being the String Along: A Relationship Guide to Being THE ONE

Ultimately, you want a partner you can be your true... Read More

Extra-marital Affairs...Yes or No!!!

Extra-marital Affairs?Yes or No!!! (Think and Tell)"Human Relations", a complex... Read More

Moving On to Much Better Things After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is difficult, but being alone can... Read More

How Compatible Are You and Your Partner?

What are the things you argue about? Where are the... Read More

Passion Drought: Turning the Fizzle Back Into Sizzle In Your Relationship; Part 1

IntroductionMany gay men in both short and long-term relationships report... Read More

Dinner Scooped Off the Floor - Why Men Wont Commit

"We strengthen a muscle by using it, and that is... Read More

Clues to Help You Bust the Undercover Married Man, Before You Fall in Love

If your Knight in shining armor still hasn't come galloping,... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

How To Give Women What They Want and Need?The Forgotten Method of Wooing

Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More

46 Clues Your Partner is Having an Affair

Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue... Read More

The Logic Of Females - Or Lack There Of

Many males complain that they don't understand females. Many females... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up

The question I am asked most often is: I think... Read More

Is The Internet A Miracle Cure For Loneliness?

A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

The Sting of Infidelity Isnt that Bad! Right? Is it?

1. Sleepless nights are part of a victims' experience... Read More

Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love

>1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The... Read More

Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships

The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a... Read More

Diamond Solitaire Rings - The Ultimate In Engagement Rings

There are no better rings to seal your engagement than... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

Maybe Not Bones, But Hearts...And Worse: The Destructive Power of Simple Speech

Out of the blue, slap bang in the middle of... Read More

Its Your Fault I Had An Affair!

When you read it like that, out of context, you'd... Read More

Make Time for Your Relationship

"We don't have to wait till Valentine's Day to think... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 3 - The Jealousy Syndrome

Jealousy, unfortunately it seems to pop up sometime in even... Read More

Why He May Be Cheating On You

Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all... Read More