What is a Red Flag

The focus of many of the last few articles has been on what is does a dangerous person look like, who you should avoid, but did you know that we all have personal red flags available if we just listen to them. Red Flags are signals that we all have, although they may differ just slightly. For some of us they are internal mental grumblings, for others of us it a sinking feeling you get inside, and for some when our bodies are really giving a message it is giving us a physical signs.

We all know that red flags are clues that our body sends up when one of our boundaries is being violated. Remember boundaries, are physical, spiritual, and emotional limits that we all have. These boundaries are there as warning signs that someone is encroaching too far into our personal territory. Thankfully our bodies send us signals to help us out with these. Here is a list and it's not meant to be comprehensive, but this should give you a good idea of what your boundaries may be.

A sinking feeling when you see, or hear from that other person.

Feeling anxious when you disconnect with the other person.

A nervous feeling around someone all of the time.

Walking away with grumblings or a private mental conversation with you.

Your pulse quickens when you have interactions with the other person.

You dread seeing them, taking phone calls from them, or other contact.

You walk away feeling like there is something wrong and you can not put your finger on it.

The other person intentionally says things to put you down, in private or in a group of other people.

The other person makes jokes at your expense, in private or in a group of other people.

The other person says things that are overly harsh, and tells you, they are just trying to help you out You always have doubt about a relationship, but can't quite put your finger on what's wrong.

The other person only has one sided conversations, you are really there just to listen.

The other person can not exhibit emotional responses when they should.

You feel like this person drains you after connection with them.

Does this person try to make you feel guilty?

Are you made to feel less well about yourself?

These are just a few of red flags that my crop up in dealing with someone. Now, keep in mind these are things are warning signs that should be investigated further. So often we shut down these signals because we think we need to be polite, caring, or otherwise give of yourself because it's the right thing to do.

From a cultural perspective that may be the correct thing to do, but is it? These can be applied in non-romantic relationships as well. So pay attention when your body is trying to tell you something. Think and take advantage of the wonderful built in warning system that we all have.

Stephanie Manley is the editor of http://www.copykat.com. She also writes articles about relationships at http://romancelessons.blogspot.com

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