Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish Family

I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all, she grew up eating Chinese food!

I grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood of Montreal. My mother is Sephardic Italian and my father is a Holocaust survivor from Poland. I speak Italian with my mother and Yiddish with my father and siblings. My wife, Belinda Cheung, was born and raised in Hong Kong and came to Canada when she was 17.

I married Belinda in 1999. Our marriage has been working wonderfully well. Despite our cultural differences, our worldviews and approaches to life are remarkably identical. We are busy raising our two young children, and our lives are meaningful and fulfilling.

Picture frames reflecting both Chinese and Jewish influences adorn our home. We are keen on learning about each other's culture. We make a point to learn each other's languages through tapes and books. Although we are both fully fluent in English, my wife chooses to speak Cantonese to our children, and I speak Yiddish. Between us, we converse in English. Our children identify with their Yiddish and Chinese names, in addition to their English names. Our elder son, Asher (age 3), seems to handle the different languages well. We make an effort to be consistent in our use of languages with our children. We expose them to both Chinese and Jewish games, as well as Chinese, Yiddish, Hebrew and English books, songs and videos.

With an Italian mother and a Chinese wife, I am likely one of the most well-fed guys on earth! On Sabbath, my wife often makes "Chinese cholent," which I thoroughly enjoy. She shops for Chinese mushrooms, lotus seeds, ginseng and various kinds of Chinese fruits and vegetables in Chinatown. I take pleasure in preparing Italian dishes, and we both like Ashkenazi Jewish cuisine. One time, my mother-in-law assisted with cooking, and we all had an authentic Chinese meal on Friday night. It was a delightful evening and a pleasant cultural shock to my parents. Using chopsticks is still a challenge for me, but it only makes life more interesting!

I am fascinated with Chinese history, language and culture. Belinda's roots are almost as important to me as my own. I am constantly looking for ways to infuse more Chinese culture into our lives. Even my favourite ties display ancient Chinese scripts and I often wear them on Sabbath. The Chinese and the Jews have a lot in common in their ethical teachings.

We keep a kosher diet and celebrate all Jewish holidays, including the holy Sabbath. We are grateful that my parents, my Chinese in-laws, as well as our secular relatives and friends, are respectful of our Jewish observances. My brother-in-law, who is Protestant, had joined us on several occasions and experienced Sabbath and Sukkot (Festival of Booths), and even had a taste of matzah on Passover. We give lai-si (red packets containing money, decorated with characters and drawings symbolizing luck and wealth) to our children on Chinese New Year.We may catch a dragon boat race during the Dragon Boat Festival, or play with Chinese lanterns around the August Moon Festival. When we are sick, we seek medical treatment and advice from both Chinese and Western doctors. Last year I had the opportunity to meet many of my wife's relatives and childhood friends in Hong Kong, as well as to visit her schools and converse with her former teachers. Belinda also enjoyed meeting my aunts and cousins in Rome. These experiences are very special and memorable to us.

While we cherish both backgrounds, when we have to choose between them Jewish holidays and observances take precedence over Chinese holidays and customs. Belinda finds Judaism meaningful and she has learned to love it more than Chinese traditions. Judaism is central to us, and it helps imbue our lives with meaning and direction..

How did we get to this arrangement? From the moment we began dating, we enthusiastically explored each other's cultures through visiting many ethnic establishments and participating in various cultural activities. Our goal was to broaden our horizons and to take the best of both worlds. However, as my parents were vehemently opposed to my dating Belinda because my religion prohibits intermarriage, we delved deeper into Judaism while also examining other religions. We read voraciously on different spiritualities. We attended Chinese churches, Buddhist and Taoist temples; took part in Jews for Jesus, Reform, Conservative and Orthodox Jewish synagogues and events; visited a Sikh Gurdwara, a Muslim mosque; and toured Israel for a month. It was a long but worthwhile journey. Through it all, we inspired each other in our spiritual growth, and helped shape each other's outlook on life. Belinda eventually converted to Judaism after more than four years of exploring and learning. She genuinely loves Judaism. An important reason that my wife and I have adjusted to each other so well is that we had developed a common vision for ourselves before we got married.

We are now connected to a Torah-observant community where people are accepting of us and our Asian-looking Jewish children. We were forewarned by the rabbinical court which presided over my wife's conversion that there would always be some Jews who, out of ignorance of Judaism, look down at converts and their children as being "not really" Jewish. Thank God, we have not experienced this kind of debasement.

We hope that as our children grow up, they will question, investigate and renew their commitment to our Jewish heritage, and also respect and honor their Chinese roots. That they will carry their Jewishness into their own relationships and raise their children with healthy and life-affirming values and practices.

This article originally appeared on www.InterfaithFamily.com, a member of the Jewz.com Media Network.

Author of Chicken Soup with Chopsticks: A Jew's Struggle for Truth in an Interfaith Relationship. Discover more at http://www.PaperSpider.Net

Jack Botwinik grew up in a culturally rich environment, speaking five languages. He attained a Master of Arts degree in Political Science from McGill University in Montreal. He worked for Toronto's Welfare Department for several years, before landing a job with the Correctional Service of Canada. Jack's experience in dealing with destitute and under-privileged people, and his re-examination of his religious heritage, significantly altered his outlook on life. In addition to speaking in public, and appearing on radio and TV, Jack helps couples in interfaith dating relationships by listening and talking to them one-on-one. Jack enjoys spending time with his wife and young children.

---

How to Ease the Pain of a Breakup

Whether you do the dumping or you are the one... Read More

Gay Breakups: When the Rainbow Ends

Introduction"It just hit me out of the blue when Mike... Read More

Getting Out... Together

So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More

The Thoughts that Occupy the Minds of Most Men

Please note that this is not an attempt to give... Read More

Relationship Advice - 10 Ways to Put Sizzle Back in Your Relationship

It seems that no matter how much we love someone,... Read More

Finding Love With Feng Shui

If true love has been eluding you, you could increase... Read More

Communication Tips for Heart Healthy Relationships

It doesn't matter how old we are, matters of the... Read More

Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships

I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More

Is There Romance In The Zodiac?

Many people know that the zodiac is a circle in... Read More

Relationship Advice: Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

"But we're just friends" are four of the most dangerous... Read More

Relationship Advice: 2 Beliefs for a Successful Relationship

Mark Twain once saidGod's great cosmic joke on the human... Read More

The Tablet of Venus

In the 17th century, divination devices called The Tablets of... Read More

Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing / Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a... Read More

But Its Just the Guys -- The Importance of Sacrifice in Relationships

If it's a long-term relationship you want, you absolutely must... Read More

Why Do Men and Women Misunderstand Each Other So Much

Joke from a Woman to another Woman "Some husbands are... Read More

Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships

Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More

Relationship Advice - How to Improve Intimacy

A relationship requires intimacy. I don't think anyone would argue... Read More

Thick Slice, Or Thin?

Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the Couple

Recovering from an affair is hard work and will take... Read More

Coping With A New Culture: Problems And Solutions

Coping with a new culture has never been the easiest... Read More

Be Glad That There?s Quarrel in Your Relationship

Is your love relationship smooth? Have the both of you... Read More

Womens Cosmic Personality Quiz: Are You a Star Woman or an Earth Mother?

Star Women are visionary leaders, and focused on the future.... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes, Part I

Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

Things Every Couple Should Know

In my family law practice, one of the most common... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More

Finding a Life Partner

Dear Candace,I'm 35 years old and ready to open my... Read More

Long Distance Relationships - How to Make it Work

Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm... Read More

For Better Or Worse

For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out... Read More

Getting an Exciting Life After a Break Up

Breaking up.The End. The journey is over. You feel rejected.... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

The Five Second Flirt Technique

The first thing you want to do is to get... Read More