Thick Slice, Or Thin?

Malcolm Gladwell's book "Blink" is a fascinating read. The subtitle "The Power of Thinking Without Thinking" gives some clue to its thesis. It's a book that Gladwell describes as being about 'the thoughts and decisions that bubble up from our unconscious.'

What we might term intuition, Gladwell refers to as 'thin-slicing'. "Thin-slicing", he writes, "refers to the ability of our unconscious to find patterns in situations and behaviour based on very narrow slices of experience."

He goes on to cite psychologist John Gottman who can predict whether couples will still be married, 15 years down the line, with 90% accuracy, after 15 minutes' observation.

Gladwell says: "Thin-slicing is part of what makes the unconscious so dazzling. But it's also what we find most problematic about rapid cognition. How is it possible to gather the necessary information for a sophisticated judgement in such a short time? The answer is that when our unconscious engages in thin-slicing, what we are doing is an automated, accelerated unconscious version of what Gottman does.'

Our unconscious is generally right. Of course, many of us are reluctant to trust the accuracy of that thin slice. (Many women get a negative 'thin-slice' message first off from partners who prove to be abusive but, for whatever reason, they override it.)

They then move into 'thick-slice' technology. Their partner repeatedly behaves deplorably towards them, and quite possibly towards their parents, friends and children also. But still they focus on what's good about their partner, and salvageable about the relationship.

How thick does the slice have to be before finally they get it?

If you've been an unwitting 'thick-slicer' - and I certainly was - you now have acquired a valuable tool for your armoury.

How thick do you need the slice to be? More, doesn't mean different, it just means more.

Change is something that you can only effect for yourself, within yourself. As regards relationships, the formidable John Gottman is quite clear. He says:

"People are in one of two states in a relationship? The first is what I call positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability?Or they can be in negative sentiment override, so that even a relatively neutral thing that a partner says gets perceived as negative. In the negative sentiment override state, people draw lasting conclusions about each other. [My italics]

"Once they start going down, towards negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down. They start on a bad course and they can't correct it."

Knowing what you know now, are you a thick-slice or a thin-slice person?

(C) 2005 Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

---

Diamond Solitaire Rings - The Ultimate In Engagement Rings

There are no better rings to seal your engagement than... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Relationhip Advice: 10 Magic Words

Just about every night at our house, we read a... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

Why He May Be Cheating On You

Why He May Be Cheating On YouThere could be all... Read More

Improve Your Relationships Through Vastu

Do you want be in a relationship that brings you... Read More

Relationship Advice: 9 More Must-Know Tips for Couples

The Law of Two QuestionsThere are two questions that couples... Read More

Lobster - The Food Of Romantics

Summer has arrived! Woo-Hoo! Do you know what always comes... Read More

8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship

Couples in love may often find themselves having to live... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

Pros and Cons of Online Relationships

Modern technology hasn't solved any of the problems of creating... Read More

Are all Men Unfaithful?

"Men are all the same. Stop looking for Prince Charming,... Read More

Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing / Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a... Read More

Holy Mantrimony

In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine... Read More

The Sponge Pattern

Relationships. They're complicated, right? At least that's what we've been... Read More

How To Open Up While Staying Safe

When you've had your heart broken in a relationship, it... Read More

Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves,... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

Secrets of the Opposite Sex

Secrets of the Opposite SexMany jokes, problems, and conversations revolve... Read More

Relationship Conflict: The 3 Cs of Resolving Conflict

"And they lived happily ever after.........."Yeah right.Perhaps I'm a little... Read More

The Path of Relationship

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More

Stand By Your Man: No Matter What?

We all heard the report of a prisoner escaping after... Read More

How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?

One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More

Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied

We've all done it at one time or another, or... Read More

The Wrong Kind of Love

A lot of people have the wrong kind of love... Read More

Setting Boundaries: Business Clients and Boyfriends

Setting boundaries is necessary in any human relationship.Whether you're dealing... Read More

How To Seduce A Woman The Right Way

Gentlemen, if you really want to seduce a woman the... Read More

The Big Secret of Age

Think back to when you were a child. Pick a... Read More

Soul Mates - Do They Really Exist?

Throughout centuries, story tellers, and people from different background and... Read More

Is Your Soulmate an Idiot?

Lately, I think people are investing too much energy in... Read More

Are You Chasing Dollars or Your Kids?

Striking a perfect balance between work and home today can... Read More

How We Define Our Relationships?

We can fall into the habit of complaining about our... Read More

Penpal and Christian Penpal

Having a penpal can be fun; bringing diversity into your... Read More