Can Men And Women Be Friends? Or When Harry Met Sally Did He Really Just Want to Jump Her Bones?

Men and women can't really be just friends, can they? Of course not. There's always that pesky sexual tension to contend with. And what about the spouse, spousal equivalent, or boyfriend/girlfriend who's sure to be jealous? Plus, there's the biological/sociological nesting imperative that women contend with and the hunting imperative that seems to drive men.

A number of years ago, a landmark study published by Dr. Don O'Meara, a sociology professor at Raymond Walters College, identified the following four key obstacles to the success of male-female friendships

• The inability to define the relationship

• A fear of confronting feelings of sexual attraction

• The inability of both partners to see each other as equals

• Society's response to a non-romantic relationship

(This is all of the above rolled into one: What's going on here? Who do they think they are? They just won't admit that they're hot for each other!)

Let's face it, when you come right down to it ? there are just too many impediments and too many inherent differences between the sexes for cross-gender friendship to work. Right?

Wrong, wrong, and double-wrong ? at least in today's world.

Fifty years ago, when Harry met Sally, he was a breadwinner who worked outside the home and she was a stay-at-home mom (or stay-at-home spinster). Harry and Sally had very little in common and very few opportunities to explore their commonality. Their paths never crossed except at a church social, perhaps, or in situations that were specifically created to foster romance and, by extension, procreation and the continuation of the species. (Not the stuff sonnets are made of, perhaps, but good for society.)

That was then. This is now.

21st Century men and women follow their passions inside and outside the home and stand shoulder to shoulder as equals in most situations. In 2002, Harry and Sally work side by side at the office. They argue head-to-head at the boardroom table. They run hip to hip on the jogging trail. They may not see eye to eye on every issue, but they freely debate them in Internet chatrooms.

So today, not only do Harry and Sally have a solid foundation of shared interests on which to build a real friendship, they also have time and space to pursue a cross-gender friendship and a society that encourages them to do so. In fact, experts tell us that in today's world, men and women in platonic friendships enjoy dozens and dozens of benefits from their relationships.

Interestingly, men seem to get more out of cross-sex friendship. In a study by a psychologist in private practice on Long Island in New York State, men rated cross-sex friendships higher in overall quality than their same-sex friendships. Men reported they most enjoyed talking and sharing with women - something they didn't do with male friends.

All that sharing that men find so appealing ? organic though it may be to women -- can be a bit of a drain, so les femmes say they turn to les hommes for a different dynamic. With men, women say they enjoy the lightness of not having to carry someone else's emotional 'baggage.' Women may also derive a sense of safety and protection from their male platonic friends ? much as they might from a big brother. Interestingly, women say the chance to learn 'what guys are REALLY thinking" is the number 1 benefit of cross-gender friendship.

So does Harry WANT Sally? You bet. But if he can't have her 'that way,' friendship will do quite nicely, thank you!

About The Author

Michael Ferrell is the owner and operator of PerfectLoveLetters.com - Discover How YOU Can Quickly & Easily Create A Love Letter To Express Your Love & Devotion In Only 3½ Minutes Without Writing!

mike@choicedvd.com

---

Why We Chose The Person We Love

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to... Read More

The 7 Stages of a Romantic Relationship

There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting,... Read More

Secrets To Get To The Heart Of Your Loved One

The other day, I was home with my sweet love... Read More

Real Friends

About a year ago, I was talking to a friend... Read More

A Man Drought In Australasia - Bugger! Age is Against Me

Men wanted desperately, it's official. The increasing surplus of high... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Was Betrayed

You are hurt, you are angry, you are simply devastated.Things... Read More

Men Love Women Who Initiate Sex ? 4 Fun Ways to Do It

This is a sizzling hot topic for a lot of... Read More

He?s So Loving (But He Has These Black Moods)

It's strange how often abused women tell you how loving... Read More

Relationship Your Way To A Successful and Fulfilling Life

What is a relationship? What does a relationship mean? There... Read More

How a Three Letter Word Kills Good Relationships

"You know, I really do love fish!" My friend... Read More

Ending a Relationship Gracefully

Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you... Read More

Relationship Arguments - 7 Ways to Heal Past Hurts

Q: I've read that you are never supposed to bring... Read More

Let Kissing Liven Up Your Meetings (and More Kissing Tips)

Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at... Read More

The Real Way for Men to WOW the Woman They Love

Guys, I know the struggle, you want to give her... Read More

Shattered Visions

Sometimes it takes a girlfriend in order to have a... Read More

How We Define Our Relationships?

We can fall into the habit of complaining about our... Read More

Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child?

So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More

Are You A Hopium Addict?

Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

How To Write a Romantic Love Letter

Does the thought of writing a love letter or poem... Read More

10 Reasons Why Married Couples Grow Apart (Part II)

This is a continuation of part one of this article... Read More

What Planet Is Your Relationship On?

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus,... Read More

How To Develop A Grateful Mind

There is one sure fire medicine that cures all difficulty... Read More

The Best Break Up Advice

Extreme Breakup Recovery Maximum Healing ? Minimum TimeIf you are... Read More

Is Your Husband or Wife Cheating? Five Great Reasons to Hire a Private Investigator!

Discovering an affair in your relationship is indispensable, but that's... Read More

Relationship Advice: A Tip from Monica and Chandler of Friends

If you are looking for it, you can find relationship... Read More

Extended Family Relationships: Staying Friends with Former Lovers and Spouses

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Can We Still Be Friends?

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

Friends and Friendship - Who are Friends, What is Friendship

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is... Read More

Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places? - How to fine tune your relationship radar

I don't think a week goes by that I don't... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

How to Create a Solid Foundation for Loving Relationships

What does real love look like? The way we act... Read More

Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have... Read More