The Womans Guide to Younger Men

I often awake to find Beverly, my older wife, wrapped around me like a Virginia creeper. In the nineteen years since we met, she has shown me what true love is, and I couldn't live without it. For the first time, I have someone who wants me as much as I want her.

Falling in love with an older woman is the best thing I ever did, and I'm not alone. The percentage of women marrying younger men doubled over the past two decades, and women marrying for the second time are seven times more likely to marry a younger man.

Listen to women with younger husbands or lovers and you'll hear:

• "We're a perfect fit,"

• "He accepts me as I am,"

• "He keeps me young,"

• "I liked it on top."

If you haven't discovered the joys of a younger man, it's probably cultural. Close your eyes and imagine a romantic couple snuggling together. One person is older and distinguished; the other is young and sexy. What do you see in your mind's eye? If it's an older man with his second (or third) wife, you're not alone. Hollywood is run by men, so it's hard to escape their fantasies.

Perhaps it's time to rewrite the script. Women who consider younger partners triple their chances of finding the love they deserve. More importantly, older women and younger men enjoy equal, open, and exciting relationships. As one forty-seven year old divorcee with a twenty-eight year old lover says, "Younger men are just more fun."

The first step in finding the right partner is to know more about yourself. What are you passionate about? Think about people, places, objects, issues, careers, organizations, and hobbies. Write down several, starting with the most important.

Close your eyes and imagine your ideal soulmate. What things must you share? What's "negotiable?" (Careful, this doesn't mean ignoring your feelings, denying deeply held beliefs, or trying to change someone else). What's "non-negotiable?"

Imagine yourself on your deathbed. What are three things you wish you had done? This may seem like a curious way to find a mate, but sometimes we're too busy living our lives to question whether it's the right life. Think about what you really want, not what you think you should want. This might include raising a family, succeeding at your career, building a business, fighting for an issue, or finding a spiritual community. We all have many roles in life, but pick your top three priorities.

Now look in the mirror and remember yourself ten years ago. Didn't you have many of the same hopes and dreams then that you have now? Imagine the ideal partner for your younger self. Before thinking "he's too young for me," ask, "too young for what?" It might be time to "think again" about younger men.

If you can't imagine yourself with a younger man, let your interests, aspirations, and values guide you. The best way to find someone worthwhile is to become the person you always wanted to be. By being good to yourself and others, you help people become better and you attract better people.

Visualize doing something with your soulmate (no, outside the bedroom). Where are you? Browsing at the local bookstore? Jogging? Building homes for poor families? If you're looking for the right person, you can meet your ideal partner anytime, anywhere, doing almost anything.

The most important thing is to be yourself rather than pretending to be someone you think others will want. Remember the "rules" for women that advised: "Don't talk to a man first" and "Don't call him and rarely return his calls"? You can make your own rules by understanding that age is an asset. If you believe in yourself, you'll look for someone to complement you rather than complete you.

Start by being less concerned about whether a man is older, wiser, richer, taller, or all the things you might have wanted when you were sixteen. the most important thing about a man is his character. Younger guys may need guidance, but we all teach others how to treat us, and older women are better teachers.

No matter what your age, you don't need to change the world to find love, sometimes all that has to change is you. If you are open to a different kind of relationship, a younger man will appear in your life. It happens all the time.

About The Author

Copyright 2004 - Chris K. Olander

Chris Olander, author of The Ageless Love trilogy at http://www.youngerlover.com, is Executive Director Emeritus of two private foundations in New York City. He lives with his wife Beverly in Cornwall on Hudson, NY.

Olander5@aol.com

---

Soulmates, Are They Pre-ordained?

One day a telegram arrived at a man's door. When... Read More

Three Qualities of a Good Relationship

All relationships have some adjustment periods, but being hurt shouldn't... Read More

Does Age Matter?

In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon... Read More

The Sting of Infidelity Isnt that Bad! Right? Is it?

1. Sleepless nights are part of a victims' experience... Read More

Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy?

Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover... Read More

Relationships That Really Last: Is This the Secret?

In my e-book, How to Build Relationships That Stick, I... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 Big Relationship Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Relationship Mistake No. 1 - Partner BashingBashing the one you... Read More

The Relativity of Your Life

We live in the world of the relative. What and... Read More

The Path of Relationship

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love... and Just Love Being in Love

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably... Read More

Unprofessional Conduct

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14,... Read More

Living in Fear!

As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part... Read More

Relationships that Work: How to Get Along with People Who Drive You Crazy

Question: What % of your bad moods at work are... Read More

Charisma, Love and Health

This is an amazing story. It's about my friend Robert.... Read More

Approval - You Dont Need It

Yesterday, after receiving a massage to help ease my computer-aided... Read More

Warning Signs He / She May Not Be The One

We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What... Read More

Calling All Single Parents! Why not Try Online Dating?

Forming a relationship when you're a single mother or father... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the Couple

Recovering from an affair is hard work and will take... Read More

The Use and Abuse of Deception

The word "deceive" is derived from Latin, de- away +... Read More

Discerning The Loving Heart

How often have you had the experience of connecting with... Read More

Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways

WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More

Don?t Snuff Out Expressions of Liking

It is hard to express all the emotions to somebody... Read More

What Is Love And The Love Equation

What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More

How to Increase Romance with Humor

Ask any single adult what qualities he or she wants... Read More

Calming the Storm In Your Relationship

IntroductionConflict in relationships is inevitable. Put two men together with... Read More

Infidelity: Spying is NOT Revenge

Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse... Read More

What to Do when Your Family Feels He is Not Good Enough for You

Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper... Read More

For Better Or Worse

For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More

Taking the True Relationship Test

If you have ever read teen magazines you will be... Read More

Spice Up Your Relationship Tonight

Every relationship needs relief from the same old bedroom routine... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

Romancing The Senses

Romance can be experienced in numerous ways, but it is... Read More

Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Meet Emotional Needs

Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want''... Read More