Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create your ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by eliminating baggage from your past. This baggage refers to any resentments, hurts, or fears you have toward anyone who either was a role model or who participated directly in a relationship with you.

Lots of people carry such baggage for a long time, some even for a lifetime. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the less likely you are to recreate bad situations in current and future relationships.

Dropping this baggage is what I call "getting complete."

How do you get complete? Completion is not a sense or an emotion or even a state of being, but a process. This means there are steps and practical actions that will get you to completion. What stands between you and having a great relationship is acting on these steps.

At the most basic level, completion is an exercise in communication. Imagine you could finally say everything you needed to say to everyone you needed to say it to, no holds barred. Wouldn't that give you a great sense of relief and freedom? In essence, getting complete is getting to communicate everything to everyone, without spending your life looking for everyone from your past or having to deal with less-than-receptive people.

Once you are complete with a situation, the next time you face a similar situation you will be free to choose your actions rather than being run by fear, pain, anger, etc. You may flash back to the old situation, but you will not react based on it. You will no longer have anything but a minute negative emotional response when looking back on hurtful situations. For the majority of the time, you will feel genuine forgiveness toward others and yourself.

The first thing you need to do to get complete is to feel all of your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may be. How do you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept your feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for someone? What are you afraid of in regards to relationships? Who are you still angry with?

In order to allow yourself to feel, you have to know that feelings, unless they are of the clinical depression or the criminal rage kind, will not kill or hurt you. Most people have either not had the permission or never slowed down enough to feel their feelings. You must give yourself both the time and the permission if any completion is to take place. As long as you don't let yourself feel, you will recreate exactly what you had in the past. If you want something different -- a fulfilling relationship -- you can't afford to recreate the past.

Right now, check in with your feelings and make a list of all the people and situations you need to complete. We will come back to this list.

The second thing you need to do to get complete is to take action. Look for a list of ten action steps in next week's newsletter.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

About The Author

Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit http://www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

help@whatittakes.com

---

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

True Friendships - How to Get True Friends and Friendships

True Friendship - RecognitionHow can we find true friendships in... Read More

8 Reasons Why Your Man Isn?t More Romantic On Valentine?s Day

What is supposed to be the most romantic day of... Read More

Second Fiddle

I have been seeing a married man for the past... Read More

Cheating Husband/Wife: 6 Keys to Know if You are Ready to Handle What You Might Find When You Spy

When you spy on your suspected cheating spouse, please make... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

Loves All About Chemistry

People who have been swept off their feet know the... Read More

Soul Mate - a Pain in the Neck

"and they lived happily ever after...That is how our favorite... Read More

Holiday Fun for Singles

Are you dreading the holidays because you are single? For... Read More

How to Have an Affair - Beware!

People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They... Read More

Attention Guys: Impress Your Girls - Send Flowers!

Remember that big hug she gave you when you got... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Get the Spark Back

Losing the spark - simply, if you will, falling out... Read More

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

Top Ten List of What to Do and What Not to Do in Relationships

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone... Read More

How Not to Compromise With Your Partner

Do you ever disagree with your spouse? Or your boyfriend... Read More

7 Things You Must Know About Women

Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us... Read More

Think INSIDE the Square to Keep Those Love Fires Burning

I was sitting in my sanctuary in my back yard... Read More

Who Should Relocate In A Long Distance Relationship?

My Dear Lover,Soon or later, you and your beloved will... Read More

The Man - Truth of The Visual Being

The article What Turns Them On explained about how men... Read More

A Look at Interracial Relationships

There's something about America, our history, our values or maybe... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Was Betrayed

You are hurt, you are angry, you are simply devastated.Things... Read More

My Fairy Tale Is Gone

Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called... Read More

Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud

So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More

Honesty Accepted - Deception Denied

We've all done it at one time or another, or... Read More

How Often do you Think About What you are Going to Say?

How often do you think about what you are going... Read More

Ending Relationships Gracefully

In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, "How... Read More

Are Single Black Women Too Independent?

Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves,... Read More

E-Love at Easter - Part Two

The next week was a whirl. The first quarter of... Read More

How to Get a Woman to Treat You the Way You Deserve

You know the scenario. You start dating a woman. After... Read More

What Is Love And The Love Equation

What is Love? This question has bothered me for a... Read More

Defining Relationship Commitment for Todays Couples

WHAT IS COMMITMENT?The question of when a relationship is committed... Read More

The Male Rating System

While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More

8 Keys to Lasting Love

My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD,... Read More