Are You Codependent or Independent?

Why is it that depending on others to fulfill our self worth is a concept that we all can relate to? Sacrificing what our thoughts, emotions, decisions, and likes or dislikes are, for the betterment of someone else's.

It is as if depending on the other person who you hold so high is more fulfilling then standing alone, independent of the other. It's root resides in a past when a person didn't realize they really had wings that could fly. Therefore, for fear of abandonment, they suppressed their own self worth, avoided confrontation, and then continued to please who they were dependent upon.

In contrast, the counterdependent person who has someone codependent towards them, is pretending that they don't need anyone else and have concluded that people only need them.

Both codependency and counterdependency are an internal defense systems that shield and protect from past wounds of abandonment. They both are dysfunctional and lead the codependent person down a tattered road of unfulfillment and eventually depression.

Perhaps, it could be said that all of us are, to some degree, dependent upon others because, after all, we are social creatures who inevitably need each other in some capacity.

However, when it saps your very core of enjoying the gift of life God gave you, then the sun never rises and the darkness only gets darker.

We came into this world alone and we will also leave that way!

Inner strength comes from a true respect and love for yourself, no matter what the situation or condition is. Although, deep within many of our wounded souls, that love is not strong and therefore self respect is not properly attained.

This is where your deep-seated self-worth is obtained and how you perceive yourself. In addition, it is the weakened aura you emit to others see you that is not totally erect, but somewhat wilted.

Many of our true societal problems, whether they are insecurity, control issues, codependency, addictions, manipulative personality disorder, seclusion, or simple anger, stemmed from a lack of self love, self worth, and self respect. Hence, people replace one problem for the another!

If you are lonely inside and do not feel as though you can love the real you, then any and all subsequent relationships will feel that same inner turmoil until your inside is truly loved!

These social problems listed above can intertwine, commingle and cross each other's boundaries in a very insidious manner.

There is not one issue more serious than the other, they are more or less on an equal plane and being dependent on another, is certainly no exception.

By not allowing one's self-worth to be determined by another's perceptions, by not feeling that being loved by another is conditional on living up to the expectations of others, or merely pleasing them, is absolutely critical to healthy functioning!

Taking full accountability for the way you feel instead of others making that discerning determination allows you to be self dependent, kicks out the crutch, and makes you stand alone.

As scary as that may seem to some, it is by far the best way to perceive your self-worth. Trusting that you can own your own emotions, whether they are anger, happiness, setting boundaries, or leaving, is how we can come to the serene life we always dreamed of as a child.

These decisions and self-adjustments for the better can be made! It takes a personal acceptance and a subsequent love for yourself: then the fragile person previously tethering by a string, is now firmly tied unto itself, immersed in self confidence and independent, not codependent.

--by Brian Maloney-ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Improving Relationships

**Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.

---

Lifelong Partners, Lifelong Growth

Many people, maybe even you, think there is only one... Read More

Great Relationships: How to Create a Nag-Free Zone

Q: My wife and I have a good marriage that... Read More

Tips for Building Love Relationships - 1

Nearly everyone claims to want a great relationship with their... Read More

Calling Forth a Soulmate

How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You... Read More

Importance Of Background In A Relationship

Should coming from the same background be a major issue... Read More

My Broken Heart

I guess my soulmate wasn't all he was cracked up... Read More

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?

Your Beloved Soldier Is Coming Home ? Now What?Laura anxiously... Read More

Feel Like a (Romantic) Kid Again

If the start of the school year makes you a... Read More

Do You Enable?

We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keen ability... Read More

Dont Avoid Conflict and Confrontation with Your Spouse

"I just let him handle things his way." "We're not... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Set Your Relationship Up for Success

A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships,... Read More

Rescue and Rebuild Your Relationship: 7 Tips to Make it Work

Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.Establish time... Read More

Should I Leave This Relationship?

How do you know when it's time to say goodbye... Read More

8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship

Couples in love may often find themselves having to live... Read More

Love and Life Lessons

Recent events in my life have taught me that the... Read More

How Valentine?s Day Gifts Can Expose a Cheating Husband

If you have the nagging feeling that your husband may... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More

How to Survive Long Distance Relationships

One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship... Read More

Long Distance Love

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare.... Read More

Legal Agreement to Cohabitate Between Unmarried Persons

THIS AGREEMENT is made and entered into this Third day... Read More

For Better Or Worse

For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More

Dating Women From Russia: Important Tips The Marriage Agencies Never Tell You

I want to share with you information that the Russian... Read More

How to Improve Relationships with Feng Shui Remedies

In order to improve relationships, many people have increasingly turned... Read More

Why Its Important to Stay in Contact with Your Friends when Youre in a Relationship

So often when we begin to enter into a new... Read More

Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship!

It is possible for women to steer clear of an... Read More

Couples - Learn to Work Together to Solve Problems

Q. There has to be some way around the continuing... Read More

Relationship Tune Up - 7 Key Points to Avoid a Break Up or Break Down

"Every three months or 3,000 miles."That's how the sticker in... Read More

7 Unfailing Laws of Happy Relationships

Most think that relationships exist to make them happy. When... Read More

Relationship Failing? Consider Your Ways

WhenWe all need to consider our ways. So many times... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

How to Have an Affair - Beware!

People decide to have an affair for many reasons. They... Read More

He Said, She Said

The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More