Conflict In Faith

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 19, 2004

My husband is Jewish, and I am Catholic. That wasn't a problem when we were dating, because he isn't religious. He married a Catholic before, and their daughter was raised Catholic.

A reformed rabbi married us. I sacrificed being married in church by a priest, but we shared our traditions. My husband broke the glass, and we lit our candles. My family wasn't too happy I married outside my faith, but they accept him.

When our daughter was born, I didn't want my children growing up with no direction, so I decided to raise her Catholic. My husband wasn't too happy, but he agreed. His family was invited to the christening, but they refused to have any part of it. I bit my tongue and let it go, but I resented them for not being there.

Four years later we have a son, and it's his turn to be baptized. This time they come to the party, not the church, and they don't bring a gift. So that's another slap in the face. Two months ago our daughter had her first communion. I asked if they wanted to be part of their granddaughter's day, and they said no. So to me that's another slap in the face.

Through the years we celebrated my husband's holidays with his family, and my family went to their bar mitzvahs. My husband agrees with his family that it's okay for them not to be involved, but I know for a fact his family has gone to christenings, communions, and confirmations for their neighbors.

Well, after 10 years, I no longer want to be involved in their holidays and family functions. In three year's time, when it's my son's turn, I know they'll do the same thing. My husband is in the middle, which I know is hard for him, but I can't bite my tongue anymore. I want to know how to stop hating my husband's family.

Alyssa

Alyssa, what if you kept inviting vegetarians to an all-you-can-eat steak tartare dinner? (That's seasoned raw beef.) Would you really expect them to attend? You knew when you married there was a divide. Your in-laws are of a different faith, and different faiths oppose and contradict one another.

If you don't have a problem going to their religious events, then go. But don't expect or invite them to yours. They find them indigestible. When you were married by a rabbi, you suggested things might work out otherwise. All your in-laws are doing by not coming or giving a gift is affirming "this is not what we want."

When Wayne was in the navy, the rule in the wardroom was no one was allowed to discuss sex, politics, or religion. Perhaps you and your in-laws can put religion in the category of topics which are off-limits. How much healing might be possible between you in just leaving religion out of your relationship?

Tamara

Something To Hide

My name is Joy, and I'm 20 years old. In March I met a guy online. He is from Canada. He seems to be a sweet guy and I like him a lot, but some things don't add up. I'm curious he didn't give me his number because he said he did it before and it caused him a lot of pain.

He doesn't have a web camera because he lives at home with his mom, and he said she doesn't want a webcam in her house. Yesterday I e-mailed him and told him it's over because I'm afraid of getting hurt and him turning out to be a serial killer or something.

Joy

Joy, he's probably not a serial killer, but a web camera might catch a glimpse of something he doesn't want you to see, like a wife and children. You did the right thing by ending it. When something feels amiss, trust your feelings.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Extramarital Affairs: What Everyone Needs to Know and What You Can Do to Help

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number... Read More

Great Relationships: Checkbook Battles and How to Solve Them

"You can't hold on to a dime. Do you own... Read More

And They Didnt Even Know I was Looking: Lessons on Love from My Parents

I came from good people. I didn't always know that.You... Read More

A Friend in Need

Here's the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to... Read More

Stop Making Relationship Mistakes! Avoid Another Unhappy Relationship!

It is possible for women to steer clear of an... Read More

Mindfulness and Flirting: Seizing The Moment

Have you ever been called a flirt?Good for you!You see,... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

It's one of the ways you can spot a woman... Read More

Should You Forgive Infidelity?

If you're asking yourself that question, then somewhere within you... Read More

Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes Part II

How many time have you felt an instant attraction to... Read More

Affairs: Advice for the One Who Was Betrayed

You are hurt, you are angry, you are simply devastated.Things... Read More

Victorias Secret Disclosed!

SHHHHHH, don't tell anybody, but, I know the secret.It all... Read More

Office Nomance

Are Office Romance's really that bad? The answer is ?..it... Read More

The Friend Who Taught Me

Knowing her day can be dreadfully tiresome when she mounts... Read More

Great Relatinship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up

Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become... Read More

Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends?

Introduction Have you ever heard or have you ever seen,... Read More

Friendship Advice for a Shrinking Planet

Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial... Read More

Relationship Advice: 5 Tips to Make a Strong Marriage Even Better

1. Time together is time during which the complete focus... Read More

Very Old Secret To Melt The Heart Of Your Beloved

My Dear Lover,Communication is one of the key ingredients for... Read More

Only You Can Decide If Your Interracial Love Will Stand the Test of Time

Interracial dating has really evolved over the past two decades... Read More

Why We Chose The Person We Love

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to... Read More

Choosing a Diamond Engangement Ring That She Can?t Say No To!

So you've decided to propose ? congratulations! This is a... Read More

Keep the Fires Burning

The toys are put away, homework's done and the kids... Read More

Your Next Relationship - Heaven or Hell?

We've all had relationships that we've looked back on and... Read More

Setting Up Boundaries in Relationships

Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More

My Concept

From my own personal experiences with relationships I believe in... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

You Dont Have to Break Down, When You Break Up!

Very few people would argue with the fact that creating... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: How to Get ?All A?s? in Couples Communication

Mark Twain once said that he believed it was "God's... Read More

Players: How to Deal with Them

Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like... Read More

Relationships Technology

The notion that there can be a technology of relationships... Read More

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

People who experience bad health often have major league forgiveness... Read More