Youve Been Dumped - Heres How to Get Over It

Weve all been there. Weve fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. Weve heard a variety of exit lines: I think its time we started seeing other people, I love you, but Im not in love with you, or Its not you. Its me.

Its hard to accept when the other person just stops returning phone messages, but its even worse when they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals by making persistent eye contact. It doesnt help when they send an email every so often to see how youre doing, either.

Instead, it makes it really easy for you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain. If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win him over! You will make her see! You will!

You lie awake at night replaying the happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such terror of loving and be loved?

And so it goes. You become caught up in believing that someone who doesnt love you really does, blinding yourself to opportunities for meeting a person who will truly make you happy.

You cannot move on until you stop obsessing, but thats easier said than done, right? Heres what worked for me:

Tell the person to bug off. Just as you must cease contact with the object of your affection, he or she must cease contact with you. Tell this person youre not ready to be friends and you dont know if you ever will. Any patronizing emails they send inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.

Write down all the things that bothered you. After being dumped, its natural to idealize the dumper. We remember the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip, or how mascara used to crumble in her eye sockets. We forget about the stack of Victorias Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or her fondness for using four-letter words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so write down a list of the object of your affections worst traits and pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youre at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.

Throw out all reminders. It doesnt even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine you shared thats still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.

Turn off the radio. Youre minding your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some song comes on the radio that reminds you of the object of your obsession. Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted, depressed, hopeful, and delusional.

Picture the person in a repellent fashion. It didnt matter that the object of my affection didnt even own a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to turn myself off to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things that turn you off. Imagine the object of your obsession doing them.

Make the commitment. The reason we obsess about people who hurt us is because its comfortable. Heck, sometimes its even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. Its indifference. When youre indifferent to the person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine happiness.

About The Author

(c) Terry Hernon MacDonald

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the host of Romance Talk with Terry on Internet radio, which can be accessed any time by going to the archives at http://www.HealthyLife.net. Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com.

terry@marrysmart.com

---

False Forecasts Lead to Matchmaking Hell

False ForecastsThe typical methods for finding a partner are based... Read More

Learning to Trust Again

Eleven o'clock on a weeknight I found myself phoning a... Read More

How A Phony Persona Always Hurts You

'Be yourself', isn't that what you've always heard? It certainly... Read More

A Recipe For Romance

So, tonight's the night. You want to have a Romantic... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Lovers Quarrel

One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and... Read More

Support for Non-ADD Spouses and Partners

Living with adult ADD can be quite a challenge. Not... Read More

Is It Love or Money?

What do women or men want out of a relationship?... Read More

Are You Fit To Love?

is the most important question you'll ever ask yourself. Let's... Read More

How to Find Out If Your Wife or Girlfriend Is Cheating On You

What drives a woman to cheat may look a lot... Read More

Why Its Good To Be Alone

Have you noticed that there's an ebb and flow to... Read More

Improve Your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself First

It's important for you to take care of yourself before... Read More

Sometimes You Got to Spy ? Dealing with Online Infidelity

Online infidelity is more prevalent than you think. This includes... Read More

Learn the Six Secrets of Chemical Romance

What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Are the Neighbors Next Door Secretly Swinging?

The swinging lifestyle does not discriminate against race, body type,... Read More

Finding Your Feng Shui Power Spots for Love and Romance

The first step in using feng shui to attract a... Read More

Let Kissing Liven Up Your Meetings (and More Kissing Tips)

Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at... Read More

Think INSIDE the Square to Keep Those Love Fires Burning

I was sitting in my sanctuary in my back yard... Read More

How to Use Humor to Improve Your Relationships

Humor has long been considered one of the most effective... Read More

One of The Main Reasons Why Relationships Fall Apart

I had the priviledge to try out a BMW M5... Read More

Spice Up Your Relationship Tonight

Every relationship needs relief from the same old bedroom routine... Read More

Mental Abuse - The 7 Most Important Things To Know

1. Sticks and stones won't break my bones" ? and... Read More

Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships

I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I... Read More

African Dating - Pride and Ambition

It is no secret that African culture is known for... Read More

Ending a Relationship Gracefully

Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you... Read More

Set Your Relationship Up for Success

A quarter of thirtysomething couples are unhappy in their relationships,... Read More

Sacred Relationships: Divine Source

Questions and Answers from Divine Source Through Barbara Rose1. What... Read More

Great Relationships: 4 More Dumb MIstakes and 4 Smarter Moves to Make

1) Treat the family you have come from as more... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

He Said, She Said

The Relationship TriangleMost people get involved in a relationship for... Read More

Getting Out... Together

So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 1 The Nothing Syndrome

We've all heard the stories. The princess finds her prince... Read More