The Best Break Up Advice

Extreme Breakup Recovery
Maximum Healing ? Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don't need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn't matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and use this breakup to your benefit.

You may feel that you can't stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on to the past, you are stopping life. Life is change; people come and go in your life, and that is okay. As you grow, new people will come and some may leave. It is all for your own good. The tendency to cling to the old and avoid change is a common human trait. Unfortunately, it is also a self-defeating and self-destructive habit, and completely unnecessary.

I have seen too much suffering and pain from breakups. Friends, family members, clients and acquaintances have gone through long periods of pain before getting over their exes. It took them a long time before healing their hearts and opening for love again. From the outside, it was obvious that their exes were not the right people for them in the first place, or that their relationship had become stagnant and even sour. Finally the breakup occurred, followed by a long period of pain, suffering and ultimately a slow healing. (A long, painful recovery can create long lasting negative consequences in life, such as loss of a job, poor school performance, depression, weight problems, and many more).

Years later, after the breakup, I found them happier than ever, with a loved one. That new person seemed to be almost a perfect match. Looking back into their lives, they realized that unless they went through that breakup, finding their true love would not have happened. So, why couldn't they accept that this breakup was for their own good in the first place? Why couldn't they get over it faster, rather than taking months or years to do so? Why did they have to go through years or months of suffering? Why did they waste so much precious time of their lives?

After a breakup, everybody has two choices. One, leave the healing to time. Two, take charge of the recovery process. The first method will take a long time, pain and suffering before healing. It is slow and torturous. The second method, taking control, will allow anyone to accelerate the healing process, learn fast and move on, leaving space to find healthier and more fulfilling love than ever before. You may need some guidance on the steps for a fast and productive emotional healing. We have never been taught how to heal emotionally, so when we go through an emotional situation we are on our own. We need a method, a successfully proven method for emotional healing.

The Extreme F.A.S.T. method is an effective, simple and practical alternative to heal faster than you thought possible. Three facts make this method a very exciting proposition: First, it works; second, anyone can follow it and get results; third, it creates permanent change in the negative pattern of relationships. I must warn you: the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is not for people who want to suffer, cling on to the past, or keep repeating the same patterns in their relationships. This method is the ultimate healing tool: a quick, productive, effective and confronting method to heal as fast as you can. The steps are: Face It, Accept It, See The Lessons and Take Yourself To A New Level.

The first step is to Face It. The alternative to facing it, is denying it. Even though denial is a "natural" stage in any healing process it is unnecessary and it only creates prolonged suffering. You can accelerate your healing process by facing it. Even though it will be painful, it will feel so good afterwards. Some of the realities you need to face are: you have been hurt, you are emotional, you feel lonely and empty, and the most important one, it is over. This first step is intense and filled with emotional release. To make it easier, express your feelings and emotions privately, avoid self-destructive behaviors (such as drinking and casual sex) and be your own best friend.

The second step in the Extreme F.A.S.T. healing process is to Accept It. Acceptance means to surrender to what is real, versus what we wish were real. Acceptance also means that we can look into ourselves for honest answers. We can see how we contributed to the situation and how we were partly responsible for it. Among the things you need to accept are, that you have idealized your ex, you are there were "warning signs" and suffering helps you avoid your life.

The third step is to see the lessons. Life is always guiding us to what is best for us. Through joyful and painful experiences, we learn lessons that help us grow. Sometimes the only way we pay attention to our deep needs, is when we experience pain and suffering. These are the lessons you need to see about: self-esteem, your definition of love, and your choice of a partner. As you learn from these areas you are growing and preparing to get the love you truly deserve. An important question to ask yourself as you see your lessons: Is there anything that you fear about long term relationships?

The fourth and last step of the Extreme F.A.S.T. method is to Take Yourself To A New Level. This means to get to a new level in your life where you can start living your life in a more fulfilling way. Many of the apparently negative experiences we have in our lives guide us to explore new alternatives for ourselves. We may learn new ways of taking care of ourselves, new ways of feeling good about ourselves and new ways of relating to others. By taking small risks that feel comfortable for us, we grow and develop a new sense of self. Your new level of growth will include new levels of: Self-esteem and confidence, positive relationships, passion and Fun, and Love in your life.

By going through these steps, the Extreme F.A.S.T method can really help you accelerate your healing and get ready for a new love. But the first love you need to develop is with yourself. As you realize that the outside world is a reflection of your internal world, you may want to pay more attention to your feelings, emotions and needs. The pain that some experiences bring into your life is generally a call for you to pay more attention to yourself. So why not start now.

When you choose a method to use and follow in your breakup or divorce recovery, you are already on the path to healing. You have a choice; use your free will to choose what is best for YOU.

It requires a lot of courage and strength to want to heal fast. It would be easier to follow the mass belief that after a breakup we will go through a lot of pain and suffering for years, or at least months. However, you can make a different choice. You can believe in your own capacity to heal fast, in your own ability to get on with your life as soon as possible. You don't need to waste precious time suffering and dwelling on the past. You can get the love you truly deserve. Your true partner is already on the way; the more you suffer and prolong your healing, the more you will delay his or her arrival.

Make your choice: Time or Extreme Breakup Recovery?

© 2005 Jeanette Castelli. Adapted from "Extreme Breakup Recovery" by Jeanette Castelli, M.S. A do it yourself Workshop-In-A-Book®. Features a step-by-step guidance through the Extreme F.A.S.T. method: proven for quick, permanent and productive recovery from any breakup or divorce. Includes exercises, worksheets and affirmations. Book available at bookstores and online retailers worldwide. ISBN: 0-9742061-3-X. For more information, visit website: http://www.Breakup.Urbantex.com/ Email: postmaster@urbantex.com

Jeanette Castelli is an author, speaker and coach. Her education includes an MBA and a Master of Psychology. She is an expert in recovery and healing processes, including divorce, past events and wall street losses. Contact her JCastelli@urbantex.com

---

What is a Red Flag

The focus of many of the last few articles has... Read More

5 Ways to Tell Your Man You Love Him

Telling your man that you love him is part of... Read More

How To Re-ignite the Fire in Your Relationship!

Couples that are together for a while sometimes suffer from... Read More

Relationship Advice: After the Break Up - Creating an Exit Door in Your Heart

Q. It's been over a year since the guy I... Read More

Get Lucky In Your Love Life

Whether you are single or married, we all need luck... Read More

I Want to Love Him... But Hes So Far Away

Okay, who are we kidding. Long-distance relationships are not supposed... Read More

Building the Bond in Your Relationship

A bond (relationship wise) is when two people have a... Read More

Being Dumped, Just Plain Sucks!

Today I received a question from a guy. Here is... Read More

Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal

"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will... Read More

Commonsense Approach to Domestic Violence

Domestic violence the catch phrase for the past ten years.... Read More

American Women Really Don?t Like You

Any man who has dated Asian ladies who live in... Read More

Build your Social Support Network

A social support network is a group of people who... Read More

Second Time Around the Block

Divorce happens. I'm not going to debate the causes or... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

Affairs: What an Affair Really Is and What an Affair Really Does

We hear about it all the time - in magazines,... Read More

How Can Empathy Shape Your Values?

One of the most underrated concepts that most people overlook... Read More

Are Women From Utopia And Men From Wal-Mart?

It is surprising how many writers, psychologists, or scientists have... Read More

Playful, Innocent Phone Sex

So you're sitting there on the phone, trying to talk... Read More

Relationship Advice for Women - Beyond the Happy Ending - Part 2 The Not-the-Same Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic... Read More

A Dream of the Perfect Partner

Your dream is so beautiful and it is never to... Read More

Attention Guys: Impress Your Girls - Send Flowers!

Remember that big hug she gave you when you got... Read More

7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my... Read More

Loving Without Losing Yourself!

You are in love and it feels wonderful. This love... Read More

Relationship Advice: Powerful Tips for Staying Close and Connected

Staying close in your relationship does not just happen.Staying close... Read More

How To Give Women What They Want and Need?The Forgotten Method of Wooing

Remember When?When you were in elementary school, high school, and... Read More

Why He Left Me After...?

The next morning he /or she is gone. And because... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Creating Your Dream Relationship

Millions of singles across the world are looking to create... Read More

Ten Tips to Play Together, and Stay Together: Lessons from the Teepee Turn-around

There is an old expression, which may sound trite, but... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Resolve Conflict

Conflict in a relationship is both normal and painful. In... Read More

Relationhip Advice: 10 Magic Words

Just about every night at our house, we read a... Read More

Creative Visualizations for Love

To manifest love through creative visualization, you first need to... Read More

Should I Leave This Relationship?

How do you know when it's time to say goodbye... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Communicate

In my workshops with couples, I start with this question:"How... Read More