A revelation came to me at the most unsuspecting time. During one of the most mundane things I do in my structured and routine lifestyle, while reading my redeye on my daily commute home from the city. A seemingly average man sat next to me on the train and asked if this was the train to Lemont. I assured him it was and went back to my business. He was of acceptable appearance in my opinion, and honestly resembled most of my ex's, trouble I know, so I continued with my reading and kept my head phones on. Just as I suspected before our stop he struck up a conversation that lead to an invitation of a drink at one of the locals a block from the train station.
As we walked he told me his story, he was traveling from Sacramento to Boston to visit his friends and family and on the way back fell into some trouble that lead him to an extended stay in Chicago's roughest neighborhoods, and seediest areas. I was intrigued by his adventure and the after work cocktail turned into dinner. Being that I am grounded in reality, I knew that after this evening I would never see this provocative character again. This never at one time through out the evening struck me as distressing. I enjoyed his company and his opinions on life, his experiences where fascinating.
Another unconventional portion of my evening was that I never worried about my appearance or how I conducted myself. I was more myself than I could remember being around any man in my past. It wasn't that I was under the impression that this was purely on the friendship tip, I knew the second he smiled at me on the train that he was interested. It was the fact that I knew this was a Chance meeting of two souls just passing through that freed me from the pressure and pretences of traditional dating. Our time together was brief and enjoyable, and a pleasant memory I will always have of the traveling man who picked me up on my mundane commute home from work on a random Thursday evening in late May.
This chance encounter also made me think about dating in it self. Why is their so much pressure and drama involved? Why do we feel we need be and act a certain way to continue seeing some one? Men and woman alike carry on these stressful and tiring facades during the first stages of courtship. Why is that? Eventually our authentic self has to come out, or we just break up with out that revelation and start over. Are we afraid of our true self? Do we feel inadequate and unworthy of being who we really are? Why would we want to attract a man interested in something we are pretending to be? How disappointing is it to find out that the man we adored was simply a representation of his true self? A slick salesman of a company we really didn't want to make any business deals with.
Withholding information until a certain amount of time has passed is one thing. You defiantly don't want to share your past relationship scars on the first few dates, and you probably want to leave out most of your annoying secret single behavior until your stocks have matured. So many of us take it to the next level by covering up our true selves or in some cases completely masking our individuality for another's approval, what is the point? I have learned through experience that the physical flaws are usually the last thing most men are concerned with when the moment of unveiling occurs. For the most part, in my vast experience, men are too wrapped in the moment to be concentrating on any of your "problem areas". So generally it is our personalities and mannerisms that we are most avidly concerned with. If the true goal of dating is to land a life-time role, or maybe even just a mini-series, why play a role other than ourselves?
What is Chemical Romance? It's a scientific approach to seduction... Read More
Just a note to ask if there are other married... Read More
Dear Candace,I have been through a lot over the last... Read More
Parents and loved ones always seem to put a damper... Read More
Dear Lucia,I know I made a stupid mistake but what... Read More
Whether you caught him in bed with the local bimbo,... Read More
Harville Hendrix, in his book ``Getting the Love You Want''... Read More
This quiz is based on key areas of communication and... Read More
There are no better rings to seal your engagement than... Read More
I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all,... Read More
Who Is Some Who Loves You?1. Someone who sees the... Read More
The art of romance and the art of Zen are... Read More
Relationship Tip 1My family loves movies. In the theater, on... Read More
Subtitle ? A Troll? What the **** is that and... Read More
Looks like everyone wants to sue someone right? Well, I... Read More
In any group of abused women there's almost always at... Read More
Many have problems with communication and using that "love" word.... Read More
You hate it, but it's happened ? the love of... Read More
Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how... Read More
How to cope with your abuser?Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers... Read More
Long distance relationships are dreadful. I know this because I'm... Read More
We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What... Read More
Having a penpal can be fun; bringing diversity into your... Read More
According to new studies 5 out of 10 marriages will... Read More
Should coming from the same background be a major issue... Read More
No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor... Read More
You've been dating the man forever, and he has yet... Read More
Setting up personal boundaries is important in all types of... Read More
Now you may ask why we would write an article... Read More
Are You A 'Hopium Addict?'If the question alone was enough... Read More
Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More
The focus of this article is to explore what it... Read More
1. CommitmentTrue commitment means much more than simply committing to... Read More
Enhance Romance today.When Men and Women enter into a relationship,... Read More
We've all looked back on past relationships and said, "What... Read More
So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married... Read More
What is Hoodie-Hoo Day and what does it have to... Read More
Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at... Read More
Sometime in the 1950's, women's magazines started publishing relationship quizzes... Read More
What would I do without my wife? Not much. What... Read More
Body Language can tell you a lot about what is... Read More
Modern technology hasn't solved any of the problems of creating... Read More
How do I draw a soulmate into my life? You... Read More
"They may forget what you said, but they will never... Read More
"Dear Happy Guy,"I just don't understand men. Last night I... Read More
Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell... Read More
Questions and Answers:I often feel sad in my relationship, what... Read More
A husband and wife were doing a little redecorating and... Read More
Eventually, we'll all either play or be played. I'd like... Read More
"If he comes we welcome, If he goes we do... Read More
Should coming from the same background be a major issue... Read More
Hey all, I feel that need to reach out and... Read More
My Dear Lover,Communication is one of the key ingredients for... Read More
In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, "How... Read More
My granddaughter, Merritt Miles, was the inspiration for this CD,... Read More
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in... Read More
In my workshops with couples, I start with this question:"How... Read More
The article What Turns Them On explained about how men... Read More
Your best friend moves a thousand miles, your aunt retires... Read More
Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would... Read More
Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the proverbial... Read More
Whether you've been in a relationship for a long time,... Read More
During my personal experiences with some of my relationships, I... Read More
Kathleen and Dan have been together for several years now.... Read More
Disaster results when we see women trying to change a... Read More
Are Office Romance's really that bad? The answer is ?..it... Read More
Relationship |