Are You Really Ready For a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I'm married but I'm not happy. I just got divorced and I don't want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, it's necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure it's going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.

My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start?

First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You can't be "in" relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.

Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just don't have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Don't you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because it's just too much work to change it?

Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a "marriage" or "committed relationship" that IT will take care of itself.

One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?

It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Let's say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you're physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don't trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable.

WRONG!!!!!

Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following:

1. Desire to be in relationship

2. Self ? esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person.

3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt.

4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs.

5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person.

6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person.

I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Buy my book http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAny time

Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com

Request a consultation http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com

e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

"I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!"

818-548-0849

---

Are You Relationship Ready?

So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly... Read More

Long Distance Love

Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare.... Read More

Reaching the Ultimate Level in Human Relationships

I want to tell you a little story. Not about... Read More

Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers

For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a... Read More

Walls Of Communication!

Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all... Read More

The Spiritual Connection of True Romance

In the springtime, with the flowers budding and the birds... Read More

Catch a Cheating Lover?

Relationships. Virtually all of us are in one, or at... Read More

Are Men and Women Really from Different Planets?

Are men really from Mars, and women from Venus?'what women... Read More

How Do We Know When A Relationship Has A Future?

In many instances, we all are "gun shy" after a... Read More

Society?s Misconception of Soul Mates - Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Society's current conception of the term "soul mate" is completely... Read More

Romantic Tips - Keeping Romance Alive

You've been in a relationship for quite some time and... Read More

Relationship Advice: Wash that (Bad) Man Out of Your Hair

Stuck on a guy who cheats on you? Lies? Claims... Read More

Squashing the Gay Relationship Killer Known As Jealousy

IntroductionYou might feel it when that hot stud across the... Read More

Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship

There comes a point in every relationship when the person... Read More

Making New Friends

How do we make friends? More importantly if dropped into... Read More

Anniversary Blues

Jamie and Kurt are a sweet, successful couple in their... Read More

Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing / Minimum Time

If you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a... Read More

Holy Mantrimony

In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine... Read More

Friendship - A Relation of Choice!

IntroductionHave you ever heard or have you ever seen, father-son;... Read More

She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Who Is Some Who Loves You?1. Someone who sees the... Read More

The Grammar of Good Communication

No, this is not a rehash of primary-school grammar; nor... Read More

How to Create a Solid Foundation for Loving Relationships

What does real love look like? The way we act... Read More

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break... Read More

Will They or Will They Not Cheat?

Have you ever told your partner or spouse how you... Read More

The Sting

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 28,... Read More

My Fairy Tale Is Gone

Dear Candace,My girlfriend and I recently split up. I called... Read More

Improve Your Love Luck with Feng Shui!

Are you tired of looking for love without success? If... Read More

The Best Break Up Advice

Extreme Breakup Recovery Maximum Healing ? Minimum TimeIf you are... Read More

Hey There, Whats Your Money Personality?

Guys who come up to women in bars and ask:... Read More

Got a Girlfriend? Heres How Not to Screw It Up

Having a girlfriend can be a dangerous thing. We become... Read More

Relationship Problems Begin With Poor Communication

Many relationship problems often begin with poor communication. Many couples... Read More

For Better Or Worse

For Better or WorseI was in the middle of a... Read More

ARC of Understanding

In relationship we all make mistakes and sometimes we are... Read More