Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

Most of what we've been taught about how to be happy, how to be successful, how to get what we want was well intended ? but wrong.

We've been told that we have to work hard to succeed and when we're a success we'll be happy. Maybe that's true ? if we're clear about what we need to be happy. Too many of us have been misled by well-meaning parents, teachers, spouses and employers to believe that success means big houses, fancy cars, luxury vacations and bulging bank accounts.

Few would disagree that those are our society's measure of success and nice to have, but too often they don't bring happiness. Instead, they often lead to addictions, illnesses, wounded children and divorce, which can lead to unhappiness, loneliness and financial woes.

The good news is that you can change your thinking and change your life. I know, because I did.

I was a workaholic for most of my adult life until breast cancer forced me to slow down and take a look at the messages that had driven me to be so driven. I remembered an experience I'd had years before, when I went to a hypnotherapist and, in trance, was more relaxed than I'd ever been in my life.

"What would you have to do to feel like this all the time," he asked. And I knew immediately. I'd have to let go of being so attached to the way things turned out. What was I attached to? Everything!

I was attached to people saying and doing certain things (even in the past, so I kept rehashing old dialogs so I'd get to say what I hadn't said then), I was attached to my saying and doing certain things. I was attached to motorists being courteous, check-out clerks being efficient, my clients buying lots of product, my boss being able to lead, my neighbors being quiet? well, you get the picture.

On the way home I asked myself, what if I let go of my attachments to outcomes? What if I turned what I wanted into a goal, instead?

I discovered it was easy to tell the difference. I could work hard to reach a goal and if I didn't make it I was okay. I'd learn from the experience and try again. When I was attached, not getting what I wanted, or even thinking I might not get it would trigger a wash of an unpleasant emotion ? anger, fear, anxiety, stress, doubt, frustration, victimization, etc. Whenever I recognized I was attached, I'd ask myself: just this once, can I let go of my attachment to this? Can I turn it into a goal, instead? Almost always, the answer was yes.

The advantage to having goals instead of attachments is that you can reasonably work toward having what you want without being so stressed and stressing that you lose your health or your family. You can let go of your attachments to living life the way society tells you you "should," and discover what truly makes you happy.

You don't have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice letting go of your attachments to outcomes, change your thinking and you will change your life.

Karin Ireland, author of the award-winning Learning to Trust Myself: Lessons From Cancer and Other Life Dilemmas and 10 Practices That Will Bring You Peace, Confidence and Success: The Workbook is a popular speaker, workshop leader, and personal coach. Visit her at http://www.IrelandCommunications.com

---

How to Plan a Vacations of the Mind

Part 1Recently, in a women's therapy group that I run,... Read More

Living with Chronic Illness & Disorders: Are You a Survivor?

Once upon a time, I was a vibrant, youthful teenager...My... Read More

Mastering Your Moods: How To Take Charge Of Your Feelings

John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More

Thinking Like A Winner

Since the beginning of human history we have been living... Read More

Success or Failure: How to Cope With Failure

There is no such thing as failure ? only feedback... Read More

Start Your Day on Your Terms

Most of us start the day like we're trying to... Read More

Change Your Attitude, Change Your Life - Books to Help You Find the PMA Inside You

Many of the books on this page were inspired by... Read More

Thought Patterns To Create Success

Let's say you're ready to change some aspect of your... Read More

Define Yourself With Confidence

As a trainer of coaches I often teach my students... Read More

Power of Positive Beliefs

I am an educator as well as a coach and... Read More

You Have All The Resources You Need

You already have all the resources you need to accomplish... Read More

Anger And Your Driving

Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More

The Enchanted Self - Thats Each of Us!

In my years as a psychologist, I have come to... Read More

Community After Tragedy

One Friday in November, I began a journey from New... Read More

Combat Your Bad Days

No matter how positive a person we are overall, there... Read More

The TRUTH About What REALLY Causes Negative Thoughts

Do you feel that your negative thoughts are holding you... Read More

Power Talk: The Two Most Powerful Words In Language

I don't know about you, but for me, the technological... Read More

It Is All About Attitude!

Why do we really need the experiences that we have... Read More

Moving? Pack an Emotional First Aid Kit

From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More

Failure is Celebration Time

Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More

Have a Present Moment!

It was the 10th day of rain, and I walked... Read More

Strength Within

For the twelve hundred hostages, most especially Timur Kasumova.It's a... Read More

Self-Recovery from Addiction: Taking Responsibility for Your Life

I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More

Success Through The Way You Think About Yourself

If you think you are a loser, you train or... Read More

Quick Steps To Improve Your Performance Though Positive Self-Talk

Want to improve your personal performance? Positive self-talk can help.Edward... Read More

10 Passion Principles to Creating the Rest of Your Life

1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design.... Read More

Open the Pandoras Box & Unleash your Hidden Power.

It really doesn't matter what your objectives are in this... Read More

Positive Mental Attitude

Look at this glass on the table in front of... Read More

Need A Miracle? Build One, Everyday!

Henry Ford, after he had achieved great success, was the... Read More

Feelings and Attitudes

Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does... Read More

A Solution For Trouble? Try This Breath Of Fresh Air!

I just heard the story of a man who hired... Read More

Success, the Only Option

One often hears people say they can't sketch because they... Read More

10 Tips to Cope with Negative Emotions at Work

It's a fact of life - if you want to... Read More