"Putting ourselves down,
is an insult to our worth."
--Helen Ksypka
Have you ever noticed how women dodge compliments as if they're bullets?
You look terrific.
Oh, please; I'm a mess.
That's a beautiful blouse.
This old thing?
You did a super job.
Not really.
What a great dinner.
It was nothing.
It was nothing. That one really gets me. Why do you think we women are taken for granted and treated as if we can and should do it all? When we prepare a meal, a party, or holiday, believe me it's a big, fat something. If someone compliments us, we need to acknowledge that we knocked ourselves out, and say: thanks for noticing.
If you think I'm blowing this out of proportion, let me tell you how resisting compliments hurt one woman's business.
I spotted a top-notch brochure and knew I'd found the graphic artist I was looking for. When I contacted her and raved about the superb layout, color choices and her eye for detail, she not only found fault with every compliment, she cited additional flaws, hellbent on convincing me that the whole brochure could have been better.
Guess what? I ran for the hills. If she didn't think she was so hot, why the heck would I hire her? And you know something? When I studied her work, again, I started to believe that maybe she wasn't so talented after all. (But on the other hand, if she had just kept her mouth shut and accepted my compliments, I would have scrutinized no further, happy to be a new client.)
Perhaps recipients of compliments think that by undermining praise, it makes them appear humble. It doesn't. Instead it sends a message that screams:
And what about the people doling out the compliments? They feel they're going out of their way to show recognition, so even if the recipient rebuffs out of insecurity, it leaves the compliment-giver feeling unappreciated, frustrated, or duped that his or her observation wasn't very astute.
Now think about this for a minute. There's a steady supply of people who seize any opportunity to point out our weaknesses and shortcomings. They stomp on our ideas, dismiss our efforts, and diminish our dreams. So when compliments are handed to us on silver platters, why, oh why would we pass up positive reinforcement?
Because it's an insidious habit, but it's a habit that can be consciously reversed with practice.
If we don't think we look so great today, but someone thinks we do, why knock it? If someone thinks we did an outstanding job, let's bask in the glory. We need to ditch the attitude: "I'm not perfect enough" and give credit to ourselves and to the people who acknowledge us and our efforts. We all deserve compliments. And we deserve to take them.
Copyright 2004 by Helen Ksypka
About The Author
Helen Ksypka is a communication, organizational, and time management consultant. She is the founder of Communication Clout (SM/TM), a division of Born Organized (R), and offers many free tips at her website: http://www.bornorganized.com
Helen is also the author of "Quotes to the Rescue: Wisdom to Help You Live Life Effectively". For details, visit http://quotestotherescue.com
Henry Ford, after he had achieved great success, was the... Read More
One of our most active senses is sight. What we... Read More
Many people would say that it is absolute madness to... Read More
One of things that Charismatic people share is an unshakeable... Read More
In view of the increasing negative events happening around the... Read More
You wake up in the morning sleepy and fatigued; the... Read More
I loved Norman Vincent Peale's, Power of Positive Thinking as... Read More
At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and... Read More
There was someone I used to work with who, well... Read More
The universe is vast, it's dimensions inconceivable, it's potentialities unimaginable,... Read More
Our initial reaction when hitting a setback or a "roadblock,... Read More
From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More
Millions struggle through life barely earning enough to survive. Many... Read More
"Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side... Read More
Yea, I know........I hear you saying "that's easy for you... Read More
This week I happened to catch a few minutes of... Read More
The late Norman Vincent Peale was a controversial preacher who... Read More
Uncle Liam was very kind to me again. He gave... Read More
The only thing between you and your desire to be... Read More
The one thing that is absolutely vital to overcoming shyness... Read More
Not Amen, just so we're clear on that.AND.The little connector... Read More
Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe... Read More
When you change your thoughts, you change your life. The... Read More
How are you? That's a loaded question, and I'll tell... Read More
As if choreographed and rehearsed the night before, one lays... Read More
Resentment isn't a spectacular emotion, but it is long-lasting and... Read More
Why do patients who are given placebo pills report that... Read More
Just 2 nights ago my partner and I were watching... Read More
I have had many confidence issues in my life, all... Read More
Well I've finally done it...I turned my heat on. After... Read More
Who are you?We all know that we are composed of... Read More
Imagine the what you could achieve if:You were 100 %... Read More
Recently, a dear friend who has been both a coach... Read More
There is an old joke about a man who is... Read More
It would be pretty hard to become successful without first... Read More
Know your limits. Accept what you can't change and let... Read More
Look for the positives!Seek them out - those little scary... Read More
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone... Read More
You've heard the buzzwords: Attitude is everything! Change your perspective!... Read More
Whether it's the other kids making fun of you at... Read More
Water is an important tool for magic rituals in many... Read More
Ever witnessed an incident that needed to be reported to... Read More
It was the 10th day of rain, and I walked... Read More
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger... Read More
Does that title make you cringe? It made me cringe... Read More
We are all involved in this game called life and... Read More
Are you aware of your inner dialogue? If not, you... Read More
If you suffer with or have in the past suffered... Read More
I'm often asked how it is that I stay so... Read More
Occasionally people will ask me how I keep a positive... Read More
Changing Negative Thoughts into Positive Thoughts is a key lesson... Read More
For some reason, most people find it easier to think... Read More
The world is going downhill faster than an Olympic skier.... Read More
Speaking comes to most people as naturally as breathing. On... Read More
Every day that I eat EnergyRich? Food, I get almost... Read More
Each of us has a mind by which we convert... Read More
Are you a person who loves challenges, or hates them?... Read More
"Putting ourselves down, is an insult to our worth." --Helen... Read More
"If I have the belief that I can do it,... Read More
Emotions are controlled by a combination of reason and action.... Read More
Studies show that men and women profit most with having... Read More
Music is very powerful. The kind of music you listen... Read More
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving... Read More
1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design.... Read More
There are very many methods for achieving improvement to our... Read More
Uncle Liam was very kind to me again. He gave... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |