A Recovering Ragers Creed

A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted to the expression of anger. While many people feel better when they "let it all out" a rageaholic should totally and completely abstain from expressing their anger.

If anger or rage is a problem for you or someone you love, the following creed will help get things moving in a more positive direction. Read this list each morning before beginning your day:

1. I will practice self-restraint as a *top* priority today. (Notice that it does not say, "I will practice standing up for what is right.")

2. I will act *the opposite* of how I feel, when angry. (Notice that it does not say, "I will share how I really feel.")

3. If I feel that my anger is about to erupt, I will *quietly* leave the situation. (Notice that it does not say, "I will stay around and process my feeling.")

4. I will find truth in *all* criticisms directed toward me today, especially from my partner. (Notice that it does not say, "I will explain my point of view.")

5. I will say, "You are right," in a sincere, meaningful way, when I am criticized. (Notice that it does not say, "I will say, 'You are right, but...'")

6. I will give an example of how the person who criticized me is *right*. (Notice that it does not say, "I will point out an exception to their observation.")

7. I will repeat the following sentence to myself today: "I am better off being *wrong* because when I am right, I am dangerous." (Notice that it does not say, "I need to stand up for myself when I am right." That is in the self-help literature for depressed women. Rageful men are not depressed women.)

8. I will avoid explaining myself in any way by saying, "I have no idea why I did that...it doesn't make any sense to me either." (Notice that it does not say, "I will make sure she understands *my* point of view." Life can go on without you being understood.

9. I will listen sympathetically to my partner when she tells me about her day. (That means maintaining eye contact and turning the television off...not just on mute.)

10. I will not give unsolicited advice to my wife or children. (That also means not asking questions such as, "Do you know what you should do?" or "Do you want to know why that happened?")

11. I will avoid blaming family members for anything today, especially if it was their fault. (Instead, say things such as, "It's not your fault you ran out of gas. That stupid gas gauge shows there is gas when there isn't!")

12. I will avoid trying to make any family member "understand" anything. (You may find out that they don't want to understand what you think is the moral or the "truth" of some situation.)

13. I will avoid trying to convince my child or spouse that I am being fair. (Enjoy the relief of *not* trying to convince your teenager that you are being fair, and just sympathize with them for having an unfair parent that wants to ruin their lives.)

14. I will look for an opportunity to sincerely praise everyone I live with, especially the cat I don't like. (Yes, every day! Pet the cat and say nice things to it. The children and your wife will know that you have changed...insist that you have come to have warm feelings toward the cat.)

15. I will humbly commit myself to removing my angry behaviors today, as my contribution toward a more peaceful world. (Realize that there is enough anger and grief in the world without you adding to it.)

Put this list on the refrigerator and ask your wife and children to remind you about it. When they do, calmly say, "You are right. I am sorry. I was wrong."

About The Author

Newton Hightower is the Director of The Center for Anger Resolution, Inc. in Houston, Texas, and author of the new book Anger Busting 101: New ABCs for Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them. Visit Newton's website for more anger- busting ideas and a free email newsletter filled with guest articles and tips for husbands, wives, and therapists. http://www.angerbusters.com

newton@angerbusters.com

---

Self-Opinions---Can Limit Our Lives

Dr. Phil says each of us has a personal "truth"... Read More

Attitude = Altitude, Its Really Up To You!

Quote of the week:"Of all the attitudes we can acquire,... Read More

CHANGE: Do You Do It? or Does It Undo You?

It has been said that CHANGE is THE only constant.... Read More

Never Run Out of Altitude, Airspeed, and Ideas at the Same Time: Lessons From the Vietnam POWs

Bosses can't control many things at work. In fact, they... Read More

How Much Better Can You Have It?

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't... Read More

Turning Fear Into Power

How would your life shift if you moved into what... Read More

Living in the Moment

This week's wisdom is on the power of living in... Read More

Give Your Attitude A Little Altitude

Need a way to make your life a better place... Read More

Fear Is Nothing To Be Afraid Of

Several years, I was listening to a radio talk show... Read More

How to Begin to Overcome Shyness

The one thing that is absolutely vital to overcoming shyness... Read More

Define Yourself With Confidence

As a trainer of coaches I often teach my students... Read More

The Power of Positive Thinking - Turn a Bad Day Around!

Turn brutality into kindness. There is no small deed and... Read More

Individualized Positive Affirmations for Improving Self-Esteem

Positive self-esteem is very important if not crucial to our... Read More

Moving? Pack an Emotional First Aid Kit

From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More

Welcoming the Unexpected

As I walked my dogs recently on what "should" have... Read More

Personal Assignments for Great Self-Esteem

Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us... Read More

Anamchara - Beyond Positive Thinking

One of the most well known books ever written on... Read More

Positive Changes Achieved by Exercising Mind, Body & Spirit

My story explains the struggles I had as a 23-year-old... Read More

Rebuild Those Plans

Byron and I started our first business full of enthusiasm... Read More

Increasing Expectation Positively!

At your next staff meeting lead your team through the... Read More

Believe It Or Not

I am often astounded at what and why people believe... Read More

Strength Within

For the twelve hundred hostages, most especially Timur Kasumova.It's a... Read More

Beliefs

Do you realize that what we believe about ourselves, affects... Read More

Positive Thoughts and Words

You want to change your self-care habits and you can't... Read More

Banishing Hannibal Lecter Personalities From Your Life

We all know them. We all have somebody like them... Read More

How To Stay Positive In spite of The Negativity Around You

I'm often asked how it is that I stay so... Read More

Watch Your Mouth

Ever had one of those mothers, or grandmothers, who would... Read More

Universal Mind

"There is an infinitely worthier subject for philosophers (to study)... Read More

What?!? No Bananas?

"Where are your bananas?" It seemed like a logical question... Read More

Take a Gratitude Break

An old Joni Mitchell song reminds us, "don't it always... Read More

Developing Self-Esteem

It would be pretty hard to become successful without first... Read More

Changing Negatives to Positives

Occasionally people will ask me how I keep a positive... Read More

Self-Sabotage - Are We Prisoners of the Past?

Many people who suffer from low self-esteem would give anything... Read More