How to Write Bad Poetry

"All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling."--Oscar Wilde

People write poetry for a plethora of reasons, but this article has a sharpened arrowhead aimed directly at the fingertips of amateur poets who wish to be published yet refuse to learn the attributes of a well-crafted poem. These poets are the ones who plop their pieces, shining with every beam of ambiguity, vagueness and hackney, into cyberspace for review. I have encountered a few of these poets to whom I have given a courteous critique, only to be backhanded in the face by sore comments such as, "You must be too dense to get it," or "Everyone I know tells me how great I am. You're the only one?"

Of course I am usually left wondering why someone would care to post a poem in a critique forum if any constructive comment given to the poet gets immediately flushed down the cyber-potty. Many new poets seem to think that writing a poem is one hundred percent emotion. They overlook the notion that, as with any craft, poetry entails a good deal of practice and learning as well as desire and talent. So instead of writing about the importance of concrete imagery, figurative language, and the art of minimizing abstractions, I thought it might be fun, (and might even tick a few people off) to write a small compendium of attributes of bad poetry.

Recipe for a Really Bad Poem

- A bad poem should not have any original language. If you aim to write a bad poem, avoid coming up with stark images. The last thing you would want to do is write something fresh, innovative, and evocative. Use as many hackneyed expressions as possible, such as "crystal clear," "dark as ebony," "blue as the sky," "dark as night," "?paints a picture," "climb the highest mountain," Etc.

- An especially bad poem should be heavily weighted with abstract words such as "heart," "love" "sadness," "despair," "hate," and "destiny." The more abstract and generalized your poem, the better suited it will be to mean absolutely nothing to the reader. Aim for zero concrete images if you want a particularly bad poem. For example, "The world is a sorrowful place/ filled with sadness and hate?blah blah blah." Also, be sure to TELL the poet how to describe something by using superfluous abstract adjectives! "The water is pretty;" "The world is ugly;" "His eyes were beautiful?" A bad poem should never use figurative language or descriptive imagery to SHOW the reader a slice of life.

- No matter how odd the sentence becomes, or how unlikely the phrase would be concocted in normal language, make it RHYME. Rhyme anyway!! That's right, a bad poem is going to have very forced rhyme. If you have to rearrange the structure of a sentence just to make the rhyme fit, go for it! For example: "The apple blossoms fell in May/ on the grassy field is where they lay." (Notice how I just couldn't say, "They lay on the grassy field?" That wouldn't rhyme, so I had to make up a funky sentence.

- Don't worry about punctuation, grammar, or spelling. What you really want to do is to make the reader scratch her head and read it a zillion times trying to figure out what it means. Bad spelling and poor grammar will really detract from the meaning, so get reckless with your words. Try this poem out for size:

i watch as the sun/ sets over the horisen/ the ocean pants/ like a wild monster/ breaths with heavy/ breath and then falls/ something small/ always gets lost/ in the mouth/ of agony

-------or-------

u r reel speciol/ like honi sweet/ from a candy bee.

- A good practice for a cleverly bad poet is to make the objects of the poem plural! Globalize your subject for an incredibly weak impact! "Trees are?" "People cry?" "Flowers bloom?" By pluralizing all the objects of the poem, you are blurring the imagery, thus making it sappy, intangible, and simply boring.

----------------------

Frequently Asked Questions of bad poets who want to be published but don't want to work:

-----------------

Q. Who are you to judge what a good poem is? A poem is like beauty; it is in the eye of the beholder!

A. Paul Valery once said, "a poem is never finished, only abandoned." You have to work on your poem. You have to find a certain clarity that will reach the reader. Sometimes we get so fogged up with our own emotions, we don't really see the true poem. Emotional outpours make excellent first drafts, but if you don't go any further then that, you aren't working hard enough to make your poem good-even in your own eyes. Also, as far a judging a poem is concerned, as long as you hope to publish your poetry, it will get judged. Know what these "judgers" are looking for.

Q. If clichés were so bad, why have they been around for so long?

A. Exactly!! Everyone understands clichés-almost to the point where they don't even mean anything anymore. Poetry is an art of expression and exposition. If you are too lazy to come up with the images yourself, then you aren't really writing poetry.

Q. I write poetry for personal reasons. It is my way of dealing with the world. Why should I care what you think about poetry?

A. You shouldn't. Unless you are trying to perfect your craft so that you can express yourself through literature in some publication, you can write any way you want. Just know, though, that if you post your poem for critique, you might get some honest criticism based on poetic technique. If that is not what you are looking to get, please let people know what you are looking to get.

Devrie Paradowski is a freelance writer and poet. Her poetry has been published by several literary journals and she has written dozens of articles for various publications including "Poetry Renewal Magazine," and "Poetryscams.com." She is the author of the chapbook, "Something In the Dirt," which can be found at http://www.lulu.com/content/108560 . In 2001, Devrie founded a popular online literary community ( http://www.LiteraryEscape.com ) that has become highly respected for some of the most honest and in-depth poetic critique on the Internet. In keeping with her commitment to inspire amateur writers to hone their skills, she also founded a local writer's group called, "The Fire and Ice Writer's Group."

---

Ode To Quetzalcoatal [Now in Spanish and English]

Ode to QuetzalcóatlQuetzalcóatl the GreatNo one knew his true name,... Read More

The Power of Eating Disorders

I want to get closeI am afraid.Afraid of what... Read More

My Grannio

I never thought I would have to say GOODBYE to... Read More

Africa

AFRICA (to africans in diaspora)africa here i come, africa africa... Read More

A Different Place...

I wish we had met 20 years ago... A different... Read More

Hindu Poet - Kamalakanta

Kamalakanta was born in Burdwan India in the late 18th... Read More

The Goat and the Rope [a Poem: in Spanish and English]

The Goat and the Ropewhere there were devils I saw... Read More

Shadows of the Andes; Ollantayambo; and Cesar Vallejo [Poems in English and Spanish]

1) Shadows of the Andes [or: Song to the Andes]I... Read More

Eight Poems

Out of the eight poems provided here [all previously unpublished],... Read More

The King and Delka & Moiromma: the Cold Planet [Parts 25 and 26]

#25The King and Delka [Split Mawkishness-on Moiromma /Part V]Sickly SentimentalityI... Read More

Thank You To Our Soldiers And A Tribute To Old Glory And A Prayer For Peace

Thank youDedicated to soldiers and their loved onesFor those who... Read More

Review Of Stephen B. Wileys First Book Of Poetry: HERO ISLAND

Poet Stephen B. Wiley's first book of poetry, Hero Island,... Read More

Three Poems: Dona Leonors Revenge; The Old Moon; Common Sides [All in Spanish/all in English]

1) Doña Leonor's Revenge [1627 AD]Rafael Ortiz's fate Was... Read More

The Butcher of Lima and Footprints to Mantaro Valley (Two Poems)

Footprints to Mantaro Valley (Peru; in English and Spanish)In what... Read More

Passion and Poetry, and Life

Ironically, the passion that can neutralize the repulsion for difficulties... Read More

New Poetic Work By Ethiopian Immigrant Promotes Respect, Courage And Cultural Sensitivity

McLean, VA - "The Healing Conscious" tells the story of... Read More

Two Poems on the Traditions of Peru [in English and Spanish]

Atahualpa's Game [Peruvian]Sometimes, it's not wise To share your wisdom... Read More

Publishing Your Poetry

If you are serious about seeing your work published by... Read More

Way of Life: Rhymes of the Inca [four poems: see in Spanish and English NOW!]

Way of Life: Rhymes of the IncaPizarro (Spanish conquistador ((1525))The... Read More

Ambiguity and Abstraction in Bob Dylan?s Lyrics

To many people contemporary poetry is a turn-off. The reason... Read More

Article on Poetry and Two Poems

Writing Poetry for TomorrowWhat does a man need to be... Read More

Cruel World

Azra, Azra, Wake up Azra. Wake up Azra, It is... Read More

Give Me a Lily Pad & The Continuum [two Poems]

What can I do to keep this world in its... Read More

Rocks

Take some time to stop and look at nature. Pick... Read More

Asha of Darfur [A poem with a commentary by the author]

Asha of DarfurCry, cry-oh little Darfur woman For your sister... Read More

Storm Rising along the Lima Coast

Storm Rising along the Lima Coast [Summer of 2002]?wind was... Read More

Man Unbowed [A poem]

Man UnbowedUnbowed by sin, the world of man, stands Upon... Read More

Five Poems

Poems have different cores, or so I believe, and can... Read More

The Poets Corner [Three Poems with a review]

The Poet's Corner [Three poem/ see review of poetry under... Read More

My Final Defeat - Fixed Competition

She probably can't remember and I know I can never... Read More

Mother, I Dont Mind The Pain

I am among those who know that one never recovers... Read More

Changes

I am not the one I was before yesterday.I cannot... Read More

Expressing an Emotion - The Art of Writing Poetry

Writing poetry is an art, a way of expression, finding... Read More