Hamsters and their quest for world domination

"Hamsters?!" I hear you say. "Who cares about some fury little rodents." You ignorant little fool, you're pay the price for your stupidity when the Hamsters lead by yours truly will rise up and DESTROY YOUR LAME SPECIES! We are closer to this than you think. While you sleep, we are slowly spreading our influence. At first it was small. After been first discovered in 1930 by zoologist and Professor Aharoni at the University of Jerusalem, in the Syrian Desert, we quickly made our way to all four corners of the globe. With the exception of Hawaii, which does not allow its residents to own a hamster. A law was passed, hoping prevent escaped hamsters from reproducing and messing up the ecosystem. Huh.

Acting as cuddly little pets to children gave us the control of the older ones in the household and thus, our first taste of power! But many of us were used for - and still are - lab experiments, due to our superior disease-free nature and that we have a new litter every month. Since we have an extraordinarily high liking and tolerance for alcohol (our tolerance is equivalent to 40 times the human tolerance in proportion to body weight) experiments have gone as far as scientists who are testing a Chinese herb for its efficacy at curbing alcohol consumption. So if, late one night, you see a run-down drunk hamster on the street, clutching a lamppost for support, you'll know it was done in the name of Science. (http://www.accessexcellence.org/WN/SUA06/alcoham.html) But with our brainwashing skills processing our owners, many showed theIr distaste at such practises and protested against them, which have set us free!

But our secret plans were almost ruined when a game released on the Sega Genesis called "Toe Jam & Earl" featured hamsters in hamster balls as the bad guys in the game. Luckily it sold poorly and thus, not many where exposed to our darkside and any who did, saw it as a joke and thought it was hilarious. Just when we thought it was clear, an episode of "Pinky & The Brain" contained an evil brown hamster that looked like a mobster trying to take over the world. He failed and thus, our cover was secure. We have even got as far as running for US president 2004! (www.hamsterforpresident.com) We were set for world domination! We were to rid you of your corruption and incompetence.

Unfortunately at the last moment, somebody reliesed that Diddley Squat and Bupkes were Hamsters. Nether the less. A new campaign for 2008 is under way and this time we have come prepared. While the facts that our average life span is 3 years and that we are only the size of your hand may seem to count against us, we have carefully created complex messages of propaganda disguised as a music entertainment group (www.hamsterdance.com) which should be much more successful than our last, crude attempts e.g. "Four against Willi", a game show from West Germany. Hosted by German comedian/singer Mike Krueger, where two families of four members would each go head to head in competition, taking part in some zany contests, many of which included hamster-related events, such as running around on a giant wheel. It was cancelled after just a few shows, back in 1987.

And if I say 1000 days instead of 3 years, it sounds much bigger.

Hamster writes for http://www.random-plus.com

---

Taking Care of Your Sick Dog

Just like humans, dogs are subject to diseases and illnesses.... Read More

Need a Low-Maintenance Pet? Try a Tarantula!

If you're like me, then you don't really have the... Read More

How To Find a Lost Cat

Losing your cat is a worrying experience, use these 'How... Read More

West Highland WhiteTerrier Grooming - Key Considerations

Whether you intend to show your Westie, or keep him... Read More

Westie Merchandise that Benefits your Dog

There are many places to find Westie merchandise, but before... Read More

Online: The Fastest, Cheapest, Easiest Way to Buy and Sell a Horse

Selling a HorseThe best new tool for people selling horses... Read More

Separation Anxiety in Dogs

What is Separation Anxiety?When you leave the house, it is... Read More

Training Collars: Teaching Your Dog Basic Obedience and Breaking Bad Habits

Training CollarsTraining collars are a tool many pet owners utilize... Read More

Chinese Shar Pei Character

If you have never seen a Shar Pei before, the... Read More

Tips for Finding the Perfect Family Dog

If your kids have been begging you to get a... Read More

Horse Training Secrets For Busy Horse Owners Short On Time

Picture this. You're late for work one day. You look... Read More

Breeding Discus ? 3 Ways to Encourage Spawning

So you have a mature pair of discus fish that... Read More

Petting a Dog is Good For Both of You

Studies have shown that regularly petting a dog brings a... Read More

Shut The Door Buddy: Simple Dog Tricks To Teach and Impress

The shutting and opening door trick can be taught to... Read More

Horse Training Techniques From The 1800s

Was he the world's greatest horse trainer of all time?... Read More

History of Dogs? Or Maybe Wolves?

OriginDo you know that the adorable little puppy you bought... Read More

Fur Isnt Such a Good Sunscreen

You might think the most important bit of dog health... Read More

West Highland White Terrier - Picking the Right Breeder

Do you want a Westie as a pet? What are... Read More

Reuniting Lost Pets With Their Owners

Losing a family pet can be a traumatic experience, especially... Read More

Pet Identification Tags And The Internet

The greatest fear of most pet owners is that there... Read More

Amazing Insights Of A Horse Training Expert From The Late 1800s!

Could a horse trainer, born about 154 years ago, teach... Read More

What You Need To Know To Keep Your Dog Safe In Your Car

Man's Best Friend is a great companion around the home,... Read More

Our Childrens Story

One we must regrettably share with our children for they... Read More

Basic Discus Fish Care

Are you thinking about getting some discus then and want... Read More

Special Gifts for Animal Lovers

Animal lovers come in all shapes and sizes. Undoubtedly if... Read More

Questions to Ask When Choosing a Dog for Family Life

Dog's come in all shapes and sizes ? out of... Read More

The Artful Dog Shopper

I am a dog lover by nature. I have just... Read More

Crate Training Dogs & Puppies- FAQ

1) Why should I crate train my dog? ... Read More

Keeping Gars - A Short Review

If you take a quick look at this species they... Read More

Canine Selection: A Guideline for Picking Your Perfect Companion

Let's face it ? everything is cute when it's small... Read More

Protecting Your Child from a Dog Bite

Dogs make great loyal pets and are always pleased to... Read More

Cats and Their Allure: What, When, Where and Why

Domesticated cats have been gaining in popularity in the United... Read More

Our Pets

Having a pet is an experiance that I think everyone... Read More