1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make your teen-ager do
It doesn't work. When our kids are infants, we are in total charge. Between ages 3 to 13, kids still really like us, and often will go along with what we want.
However, from 13 on they realize they are as big as we are, and they can really do a lot of what they want. So, stop focusing on what you are going to make them do and start focusing on what you are going to do. How you are going to respond to what they do; what you will give and what you will withhold; how you are going to model good choices for them. Focus on what you are going to do, because it's the only thing you can really control.
2. STOP lecturing
You didn't listen when your parents did it, so what makes you think your kids are going to listen to you?
The same information can be conveyed over time in short bursts. Keep it short and sweet. One of the best places to do the short and sweet stuff is while riding in the car. You have a captive audience, and you are both looking ahead and not staring at each other.
3. STOP using adultisms
We commit an adultism when we forget what it's like to be a teen -- to think and reason and experience the world as a teen -- and expect a teen-ager, who has never been an adult, to think, act, reason and experience the world like an adult.
4. STOP grounding or restricting them for long periods of time
By long I mean, except for the most enormous of infractions, any longer than two weeks. For adults, two weeks is like a snap of the fingers -- gone. For most teens, two weeks seems like forever, which causes diminishing positive results the longer the grounding. Consequences need to be strong enough to get their attention, swift enough after the infraction to have an effect, and short-term so they can have another chance to do better soon.
5. STOP trying to reason with them about the rules
Here is one event I can guarantee will never happen in your household: You explain a rule or why you said no to your teen-ager, and they respond with, "Well, thank you, Mom and Dad, I never thought of it that way, and now that you have explained it that way to me, I no longer want to go to the movies with David, I feel bad for asking, and I think I'll just go to bed early and think about the wisdom you just shared with me."
There are still times when "because I said so" is the best thing you can say.
6. STOP making every issue a battle for control
If every issue is a battle for control, your teen will make every issue a battle for independence. Remember, trying to control a teen-ager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla -it's just going to frustrate you and make the gorilla very mad.
Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.
It's that time of year when mom and dad look... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
Home, home on the range, Where never is heard A... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More
Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More
How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More
1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a... Read More
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart,... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted... Read More
Pool safety should be on the minds of every parent... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
Seven-year old Michael was on a school trip to a... Read More
I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More
Bath time can be fun or it can be a... Read More
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More
Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ½ hour... Read More
Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More
As a parent is seems that the majority of your... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
Despite serious reductions in funding for arts programs in... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than... Read More
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More
"The best blush to use is laughter: It put roses... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
Parenting |