Pet Loss Can Be Just As Devastating!

'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a cat, for God's sake!'

I'll never forget the wracking sobs of the girl sitting before me, and the disbelief on the face of the mother who uttered these words.

I was a Guidance Counsellor in a city high school, and the girl's performance had slumped in recent weeks. Her mother couldn't believe it might possibly be related to the loss of the girl's pet cat.

It became obvious that there wasn't much of a bond between mother and daughter. So over the years the girl's need to receive and GIVE affection had been transferred to her cat. Now that the cat had passed on, the girl was devastated.

What made matters worse was her mother's total lack of insight.

Studies carried out by veterinary associations in the UK suggest that most kids will have a pet of some kind at some time: cats, dogs, mice, hamsters - whatever! - and it's probably the same in other countries.

Since kids' pets are so common, it's well for parents to be aware of the impact they can have on their children's lives.

Psychologists talk of the 'human - companion animal bond', which can be as strong as any human-to-human bond. Or even stronger, as in the case of the girl above.

So when the loss, illness or death of a pet occurs, the impact can be just as devastating.

Many families (parents as well as kids) will be familiar with the grief and devastation brought on by the death of a faithful dog.

But some parents think that the death of a mouse or fish is no big deal. It's a tiny animal, so no great loss!

They fail to realise that the attachment or BOND between child and animal is not measured by the animal's size! It's the level of emotional investment that counts.

In fact we now know that the reaction to a pet's death can go through exactly the same process as that of the loss of a loved one.

  • Denial (No, he'll be okay. He can't have died!)

  • Bargaining (If I get him back I'll look after him properly this time!)

  • Anger (It's the vet's fault. OR I should have done this or that!)

  • Grief (There's a void in my life now!)

  • Moving On (He'll always be in my heart, but I'm coping now)
How can we help our kids cope with this complex process?

Obviously, the first thing is to recognise the impact of the loss, and we can learn from the example of the mother above.

It also goes without saying that we must encourage our kids to express their grief and explore their feelings.

And we must also recognise the value of a 'rite of passage'. This is a ceremony, simple or otherwise, whereby the participants realise they have moved from one situation or status to another.

Following the death of a pet, this can be a burial or a memorial ceremony. As parents we MUST attend - it's not some simple game the kids are playing in the backyard!

It's a deeply emotional, psychological coming to terms with a potentially devastating loss.

Encourage the kids, then, to treat it seriously. Let them pick or buy flowers. Let them draw pictures, write poems and/or sing songs. Let them say prayers of gratitude for the companionship they enjoyed. Let them express their grief!

Then, at all costs, avoid the temptation to supply a 'replacement' pet. Kids must have time to EXPERIENCE the void, so that they can come to terms with it and in due time move on.

At that point 'another' pet (not a 'replacement') can be considered.

Experiencing both the joys and loss of a pet can be a sound emotional training for the unpredictability of life.

By treating this aspect of their childhood seriously and sensitively we can do our kids an immense favour.

Happy parenting!

Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.ht ml and http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html.

In The News:

pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

Life Lessons Learned in My Underwear

For several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: When is it OK to Quit?

Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More

Is it Attention Deficit Disorder or is it Tourettes Syndrome?

During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More

Alias: Aptitude

Be aware. You may become totally overwhelmed when you get... Read More

Parenting Your Adolescent: 3 Powerful Steps to Being an In-Charge Parent

Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: The King of Games - the Game of Kings

Many people still think that the game of chess is... Read More

The Different Types, or Styles, of ADHD

Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More

Top Three Reasons To Get Involved At Your Childs School

You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More

The Value of Play

Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More

Top 10 Mistakes by New and Expectant Dads

From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own... Read More

Labor of Love

The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh... Read More

How to Assist Troubled Teens

What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More

Simple Tricks To Help You And Your Kids To Find Friends

One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More

10 Points on Children for the New Parent

I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More

?Mommy, I Can?t Sleep!?: Sleep Disturbance in Children

Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More

Responsible Fatherhood - A Unique And Irreplaceable Role!

Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More

A Man and His Baby

When a couple steps forth with a baby in tow... Read More

Breastfeed a Toddler - Why?

Is your baby approaching his or her first birthday and... Read More

Parenting - The Irrational Vocation

There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More

Children Need Roots and Wings

"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More

A Mothers Love

Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose... Read More

Coping With Colic

Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike,... Read More

Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children

No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

Mom vs. Dad: Navigating Parenting Differences With All Good Intentions

Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Stay at Home Mom You Need to Raise Cowboys

Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More

Childhood Obesity

Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More

Bedtime and Sleep Habits

Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More

Some Good News About Blended Families

They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More

Nanny 911 and Disciplining Your Child

Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More

Simple Living in a Materialistic World

We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More