How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child

As parents, we strive to address all of the questions asked by our children. If we don't have the answer, or don't like the question, we would never think of ignoring the child. We do not accept improper communication as acceptable behavior. Most parents, however, are quick to excuse or overlook the behavior of their child when he / she reacts the same way and are often left wondering when the lines of communication broke.

Picture this: Five year-old Jason is riding home from school with his father. Jay's favorite CD, the Shrek soundtrack, is in the player and while he usually sings along, today he doesn't appear to be paying attention to it. Two blocks away from their house, they pass the softball field where a game is in progress. Dad announces "Jay, when we get home, you're going to need to clean-up all the toys on the floor in your room. We wouldn't want anyone to fall." Jay doesn't respond. Dad knows that cleaning up toys is one of Jay's least favorite activities so he waits a few moments and tries again. Still no response.

In the pause between tracks on the Shrek CD, Dad tries to get Jay's attention again by simply speaking louder, keeping his tone warm and pleasant. And again, his comment is met with no acknowledgement from his child. Turning on to their street, Dad loses his patience and raises his voice, barking a command that Jay is to march straight to his room and clean up his toys "for the fourth time!" Jolted to action, Jay rushes out of the car when they return home and heads straight to his room, not emerging until dinner time.

The interaction between Jay and his father is the result of a non-verbal agreement between them. Reinforced by previous similar exchanges, Jay's parents have fostered an environment where they have tolerated his lack of response to their directions, and he has learned that his lack of communication is acceptable behavior.

Children are by nature easily distracted and not always responsive to their environment. It is the responsibility of the parent to emphasize positive patterns of communication and ensure the child learns that ignoring communication is not acceptable. Early prevention, in the form of educating your child about the proper forms of communication, is the key to ensuring that the non-verbal agreement does not take hold.

If your child has already grown accustomed to this style of communication, here are some essentials to assist you in addressing the situation:

Talk: To your child, and explain to them in age-appropriate terms how they are communicating and why it doesn't work.

Show: Your child how to communicate effectively, even when the questions are hard. Role-play a conversation to show them a more effective way to communicate.

Practice: Be sure you are aware of yourself and the way in which you communicate to others. Children model adult behaviors. Be sure you are not guilty of poor patterns of communication with your spouse or parenting partner.

Be Consistent: Be constant in the manner in which you communicate with you child. Send the same message with each and every interaction. Allow your child to see that you will call their attention to those times that the unwanted behavior rears its ugly head.

Remember: Kids will be kids and they will sometimes be distractive and non-communicative. You are the expert in knowing your child's behavior and can best judge the improvement in their communications. The best way to ensure healthy communication patterns is to model positive communication skills.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Charles Sophy currently serves as Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS), which is responsible for the health, safety and welfare of nearly 40,000 foster children. He also has a private psychiatry practice in Beverly Hills, California. Dr. Sophy has lectured extensively and is an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of California Los Angeles Neuro-Psychiatric Institute. His lectures and teachings are consistently ranked as among the best by those in attendance.

Dr. Charles Sophy, author of the "Keep 'Em Off My Couch" blog, provides real simple answers for solving life's biggest problems. He specializes in improving the mental health of children. To contact Dr. Sophy, visit his blog at http://drsophy.com.

---

ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part three

Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

Finding A Caregiver You Can Trust

Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More

7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money

Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More

The Muffed Dance

Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More

Is There Any Real Use For A Fun Quiz?

Q. I don't like my children spending so much time... Read More

14 Romantic Time-Outs for Parents

Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More

10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens

1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More

Parenting: 6 Observations on Fatherhood

Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I... Read More

How Do You Find the Best Car Seat to Protect Your Child

Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More

Positive Parenting of Teenagers: Helping Your Teen Understand What I Cant Afford It Means

Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More

Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan

Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More

War Declared On Instant Messenger: How to Stop Your Child from Wasting Their Life Away Online

Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More

Top 50 Mom Quotations

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More

Monitoring Your Teens for Drug Use Without Appearing to be Spying

Even if your teenagers do not use drugs, you still... Read More

Encouraging Your Child to Write

How in the world do you get your child to... Read More

Honey I Can?t Afford The Kids

Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually... Read More

How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader

Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More

Getting Through to Your Teenager

Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More

?I?M OVERWHELMED? -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives

Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More

How to Take Charge of the TV

Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More

What Is Homeschooling And How Do I know If Its Right For My Family?

Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More

Ready, Aim, Achieve! - Become An On-purpose Family Through Goal Setting

Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More

Every Mom Worries

Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More

6 Tried & True Fun Ways to Educate and Entertain Your Preschooler

1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More

Ten Tips for a Great First Day of School!

Many children are jittery on the first day of school.... Read More

The Personality of a Virgo Child

Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More

Your Checking Account

Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More

Birth of a Parent

So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More

Using Diet, Counseling, and Attend to Overcome ADHD

When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons

When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More

Potty Training Caveats- Dont Start Too Soon

The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More

After the Driving School

If you visit search engines you can find several resources... Read More