Parenting Your Teenager: Late vs. Too Late, and 5 More Sure Fire Tips

Late vs. Too Late

Every now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,

"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since they are almost 18."

Sorry, but you are wrong.

While it certainly may be late in the game, it is never too late. I often find myself thinking I wish I could have worked with this teen/family/marriage sooner. It's always easier to work with a problem when it has first begun, because there is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice yet still small enough to solve easily.

One of the many reasons that it is never too late is that in many ways, adolescence now lasts until about 25 anyway.

Modeling Bad Choices

You really can't, with any fairness, get very mad at your teen for doing something you have modeled for them.

Now I am not talking about letting your kid off the hook for bad behavior just because you did it too when you were young.

Many parents tell me they are reluctant to talk with their kids about drugs because of fear that the kid will ask the parent if they did drugs as a teenager.

Parents must get over that fear.

Just because you did it does not mean it's a good choice, and you still have the responsibility to deal with the issue with your teens.

At the same time, if you are currently modeling bad choices for them, then that is a very different story.

You really can't expect your kid to not do things they see you doing. This is because if you are currently doing it, you lack the moral authority to encourage them not to do it.

Going back to the late vs. too late notion above, one of the very best examples for kids is to see their parent change something that, while difficult to change, still desperately needs changing.

Two Important Questions

Counselor, speaker and author Dan Allendar, in his new book, "How Children Raise Parents," says that all children, even teenagers, are constantly asking two important questions:

1) Am I loved?

2) Can I get my own way?

How we answer these over time as parents has a huge impact on how our kids turn out.

By the way, the right answers are:

"Yes, you are loved move than you could possibly know"

and

"No, you cannot get your own way, because of the answer to question No. 1."

Information is Available

Did you know that contrary to what our parents had available to them, there is a ton of useful information out there for parents of teens. Read Allendar's book mentioned above, go to a seminar, do a Google search under parents of teens.

You do not have to do this parenting teens thing on your own, nor do you have to make it up as you go along. Use the resources available to you.

Labor Intensive

There are a few so-called parenting experts out there who will tell you with a straight face that if you do it right, parenting teens is easy.

I think that is such a misleading and damaging big fat lie.

If you are going to do any parenting well, especially parenting teens, it has to be labor intensive.

Listen to the Music

Listen to the music your teen listens to.

Don't talk like them, act like them or dress like them. It's a guaranteed way to be laughed at and ignored. But do listen to the music.

Get familiar with the artists and the lyrics. You need to know what is being loudly pumped into your kid's brain, because it absolutely does influence them.

Remember how much it influenced you?

Visit ParentingYourTeenager to subscribe to leading Parent Coach Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."

---

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More

Raising a Violent-Free Teen in 10 Easy Steps

The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More

How Can I Teach My Child Respect?

A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More

Co-Morbidity Rates: Other Problems That May Come With ADHD

Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More

Grandparents --- Homeschool Your Grandchildren and Feel Younger

Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More

Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons

When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More

Meeting The True Needs of Children Diagnosed As ADHD

How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More

Best Tips for Stress Free Child Party Games

When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More

Vouchers --- Parents, Dont Depend On Them

Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More

Finding A Caregiver You Can Trust

Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More

Its OK For Your Child To Be Bored - In Fact, Its Recommended!

NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More

Healthy Eating For Children: Six Simple Rules

Rule #1 Make Every Bite Count!Everything your child eats should... Read More

New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to Build Trust

``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More

Educational Toys - How Do Parents Choose The Best Toys For Their Child

The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More

Breastfeeding, Its My Right

My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More

Eye-Opening Questions for Working Parents to Ask

I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

What About ADHD Teens and Driving?

This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More

Does Sexual Abuse Usually Occur Just Once?

Your daughter tells you that Uncle Charley has touched her... Read More

Challenges for Our Children

Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More

For School Success, Dont Coddle Your Kids

Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More

Games Of The Past Meet The Present

Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More

A Child Can Make a Difference

Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More

Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving Parenting

Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More

Teaching Your Child To Lift a Car

Yesterday my husband Wade took the day off (that's one... Read More

The Metamorphosis of The Brain: Raising Your child to be a Brainiac

The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More

Building Your Childs Self-Esteem

According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More

Promoting Your Childs Heart Health

Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More

ADHD: Some Survival Strategies for Parents

In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More

Building Self Confidence

Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More

Is Your Teen Swamped with Homework and Tests?

I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More

Busy, Working Parents --- 22 Ways To Homeschool Your Kids

If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More