Why Me?
"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count." --Neil Maxwell
Yesterday morning, my family and I got up at 5:30am in Mexico to begin our journey home from a holiday retreat. Eight hours of packing, driving, flying, and standing in line later, we arrived at the airport in Los Angeles physically intact but emotionally a bit worse for wear.
It was at this point, standing in yet another line with a screaming toddler in my arms, that my six year old daughter Clara decided she absolutely had to have a look at her passport picture. This was a seemingly innocuous request, but in fact would have involved my unhooking several bags from my shoulders and letting loose the toddler who, screaming aside, had already demonstrated her intention to leave no 'Do Not Enter' sign undisturbed in her exploration of the world of airport immigration.
Now, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have thought 'why me?' when Clara was nipping at my ankles and the people around me in line were silently nominating me for a 'person I'd most like to not sit next to on an airplane' award. (Actually, many of the people around me may have been asking themselves just that.)
But after responding to Clara's continual requests like a six year old adult, (I believe the words "I'm not going to do it and you can't make me!" may have passed my lips), I took a deep breath, recognized that my reaction was more a function of my emotional state than her behavior, and I apologized for being mean to her.
"Mean?" she asked, incredulously. "You weren't mean to me. You're my daddy. Daddies can't be mean."
It was at this point that the question 'why me?' popped into my head. Why me? Why do I get to be loved so unconditionally by someone who is all too frequently in the line of fire when I lose my cool? How is it possible that her love and trust are still firmly intact after six years of sporadically positive parenting?
As I thought about some possible answers to those questions, the following story came to mind:
One day, a human went to heaven, in the way that humans often do. On arrival, the human was greeted by a host of angels and given a tour of all of heaven's wonders. Over the course of the tour, the human noticed that there was one room the angels quickly glided past each time they approached.
"What's in that room?" the human asked.
The angels looked at each other as if they'd been dreading the question. Finally, one of them stepped forward and said kindly, "We're not allowed to keep you out, but please believe us - you don't want to go in there."
The human's mind raced at the thought of what might be contained in that room. What could be so horrible that the angels of heaven would want to hide it away? The human knew that one should probably take angels at their word, but found it very hard to resist temptation. "After all", the human thought. "I'm only human."
Slowly walking towards the room, the human was filled with dread and wonder at what horrors might be about to be revealed. But in fact, the room was filled with the most wonderful things imaginable - a beautiful home, nice cars, great wisdom, a happy family, loving friends, and riches beyond measure.
Eyes wide, the human turned back to the angels. "But why didn't you want me to come in here? This room is filled with the most amazing things I've ever seen!"
The angels looked at each other sadly, then back at the human.
"These are all the blessings God wanted you to have while you were on earth, but you never believed you were worthy."
There is a notion in Jewish mysticism that the nature of the universe is not one of reward and punishment but rather one of receiving or rejecting God's blessings. When we connect with our sense of value in the world and connection to others and to life, we become like God - we share naturally and receive continually. When we cut off from our awareness of being of value and a part of all things, we become distinctly human. We retreat into ourselves and experience a world of pain, loss and suffering.
Maybe when good things happen to me, it's not so much a reward for good behavior as it is a case of an abundant universe sharing freely with one of its citizens. Maybe the reason I have a daughter who loves me unconditionally is to make it easier for me to be a really great father to her. And if you find yourself to be happy, or beautiful, or successful, or talented, or wealthy, maybe it's so you will be able to share your happiness, beauty, talent, and wealth with the world.
Michael Neill is a licensed Master Trainer of NLP and has written over 450 articles on in the areas of business success, money, relationships, health, happiness, well-being, and spirituality. His weekly coaching column is reprinted in newspapers and magazines throughout the world, and can be found online at http://www.geniuscatalyst.com
Along with eating healthier we need to be more active.... Read More
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
As parents, we want our children and teens to grow... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
Discipline is a necessary part of parenting yet it makes... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More
You have two kids who are 14 months apart. How... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
Though you can cover even very long distances by car... Read More
One of the most important aspects of parenting, is ensuring... Read More
Throughout the year, many days of celebration are tucked capriciously... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
As a mother of two sets of fraternal boy/girl twins,... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
Get into their world. The world that teens are growing... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
This past holiday season Canadians spent over $45 billion-with parents... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
Parenting |