Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room to see her dad and said, "I got another one of those instant messages. It says, 'tomorrow you had better not show up at school or else'." She has been getting messages like this now for weeks. The result of this is that she no longer likes to turn her computer on.

Sue is now 14 years-old and in the 8th grade. She has been bullied at school for a number of years and they have had a difficult time getting the Principal and teachers to put a stop to it. Sue has two disadvantages that make her a target. First, she has always had a weight problem, not extremely heavy but just a little over weight. Second, her last name is hard to pronounce. This has led to numerous ways to say and spell her name. They have been very creative and cruel. Tom is aware that she needs to lose about 20 pounds but what can he do about his name, change it?

This should come as no surprise to anyone, but as technology changes we all adjust; unfortunately, so do the bullies. Bullying has gone wireless. These are situations our children face that we never did.

How does this happen? The internet, cell phones with text messaging, instant messaging, camera phones and e-mail are the bullies new tools.

This is coming to a school near you if it hasn't already. The concerns involving cyber-bullying include:

1. Cyberbullying can be much more damaging psychologically and can be much more intense.

2. It creates a barrier between the bully and the victim. This can make anyone who normally wouldn't be a bully now becomes a potential bully because there is no face to face contact. Smaller students have found a way to act tough.

3. It is very difficult to catch the bully. When the victim is suspected or caught their defense is that it was someone else impersonating me or someone must of used my password.

4. Camera phones is making cyber-bullying more creative. Taking someone's picture and then manipulating it. When finished it is posted on a web site or e-mailed out. Imagine getting an e-mail of a nude individual with your face attached to it, and you're only a teenager.

5. Many think this is a joke and not as serious as bullying face to face.

Parents must be aware

Many kids, including Sue, do not want to report this problem to their parents for fear of how their parents may react. Many believe their parents will take away their cell phone, computer, or internet access. This is an obvious solution to stopping the messages, but it is only a temporary one. Sue feels harassed by the bully and punished by her parents when her equipment is removed. This is a double punishment for her.

SOLUTIONS are available - ask questions and act as if you're unfamiliar with the topic. For example, Have you ever heard of anyone receiving improper messages on their phone? Does anyone at school use their camera phones for taking pictures of others who don't want their picture taken? Then Sue's dad should educate her about each situation and how to handle it when and if it arises.

Text Messaging ­ When Sue receives an obscene message, threat, or abusive message on her phone teach her to not respond. Your wireless provider should be notified to see how they handle this situation.

Chat-rooms and Instant Messaging ­ This is what we need to teach Sue:

1. She should never give out her personal information.

2. She should not share her password.

3. If Sue receives inappropriate messages, have her disconnect or block the sender.

4. She should not respond to inappropriate messages. We do not want a dialogue to begin.

5. She should avoid giving out the name of her school.

6. No child should ever agree to meet anyone from a chat-room. That 17 year-old stud just may be a 53 year -old bald man with a pot belly.

E-Mail ­ Once again, when Sue is sent an inappropriate email, she should not respond. Go to the source button to find out information on tracking where it was sent from. If it was sent from someone at school, then print the e-mail to use as proof. Sue's parents can contact the school or their service provider to see what options are available. If there are threats involved, then contacting the police is always an option.

Look into e-mail filters, creating folders for these e-mails, and spam software to block them. Whatever you choose, it will never be 100% perfect in blocking unwanted e-mails.

Here are some warning signs that Sue's dad needs to be aware of and Sue needs to inform an adult if she comes across these:

· If anyone insists on having her send her personnel information to the online "buddy."

· If she is sent messages, pictures, or offered gifts and told not to share these them with anyone.

· If she is requested to send pictures of herself to the e-mailer.

Remember adults do not make friends with children over the internet, then tell the child to keep it quiet without a purpose.

Handling the topic of cyber-bullying with your child before it becomes a problem will make it easier when and if it becomes a problem. Your child needs your guidance and ignoring this issue does not help or support anyone who is a victim of cyber-bullying.

Derek Randel is a parent coach who consults and works with parents in removing the yelling from their home. He has started http://www.stoppingschoolviolence.com a program for parents to help stop bullying. He has authored three books and can be reached at 847-853-4308 or derek@randelconsulting.com

---

Some Thoughts on Counseling Goals for ADHD

What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More

Violence in Media

In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More

When Your Childs Adoption Story Changes: Nothing But the Facts or is It Nothing are the Facts?

Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More

Get Down (On The Floor!) And Play With Your Children

When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More

Confident Kids : Why Some Parents Should Carry a Health Warning

As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More

How To Teach Children Loyalty and Dependability

Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More

6 Ways to Communicate Clearly with Your Teen

How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More

?I?M OVERWHELMED? -- 5 Tips On How Parents Can Take Control Of Their Lives

Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More

When Kids Hurt Parents

The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes... Read More

Childrens Books And Educational Toys - Can They Still Be Fun And Have Educational Value

It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball... Read More

Baptisms And Alternative Ways To Hold A Naming Ceremony

Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More

The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

Muscle Pain And Children Do Not Mix

I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More

Surprise ? Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much

School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More

Selecting A Quality Day Care Center

Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More

How to Create an Attitude of Cooperation

Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More

Does Your Child Need A Bedtime Routine? - Yes!

Do you struggle to get your child to bed at... Read More

Parenting Univeristy: Potty Training 101

When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's... Read More

A Little Love, Please?

Article based on a friend's experienceI just wanted to share... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What is Impulsivity?

Impulsivity is one of the hallmarks of people with Attention... Read More

Teaching Your Children About the Value of Money

We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More

How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities

Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 3 More Dangerous Myths

MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More

Now, They?re Bullying My Daughter in Our Home: Welcome to Cyber-bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More

How Effective Is EEG Neurofeedback Training in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?

Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Youth In A Changing World

IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More

A Child Can Make a Difference

Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More

Banishing Bedtime Blues

"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More

Preventing Obesity in Young Children

Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More

How To Help Your Child Learn

Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More