Top 10 Mistakes by New and Expectant Dads

From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own feelings, there's no shortage of mistakes made by new dads and dads-to-be.

Here's a Top 10 List of New Dad Mistakes and some suggestions on how to make the transition to fatherhood a bit smoother.

1. Criticizing mothering abilities. One of the sure-fire ways to get into an argument, especially in the middle of the night, is to criticize your spouse and what she's doing. By all means, speak up if the child can be hurt. (The same goes in the reverse, by the way.) If you're uncomfortable with what she's doing, save it for the morning or for a time when she's better rested and you and she can discuss the matter calmly. Choose your approach carefully. Try to broach the subject when it will be received well. After all, she may be right, or you both may be right. With parenting, there are often many rights. And you both want what's best for your newborn.

2. Sitting back and letting your spouse do it all. As a dad, one of the worst things you can do is sit back and let your spouse do all the work. You're just setting the groundwork for trouble. Try discussing with her what needs to be done, and instigate those conversations. Most often the women initiates the conversation. If she sees you're interested, she'll value your opinion that much more and feel comforted by the knowledge that she's not in this alone. If you wait too long to get involved, your spouse may resent it.

3. Ignoring signs of depression and anxiety. You are the one who's NOT pregnant. You don't have hormones raging inside of you. You need to watch out for extreme, and sometimes even subtle, changes in your spouse. Look out for signs of depression or high anxiety beyond what might be considered normal for a life-altering event. Studies are now showing depression in women WHILE pregnant, not just after the baby is born. It should also be noted that Post Pardum Depression can sometimes manifest itself with panic attacks. It's not always depression per se.

4. Trying to fix everything. A man's natural tenancy is to "fix" things. But women often want their men to just listen to how they're feeling. They want to be understood and heard. They don't necessarily want you to do anything. They just want to vent. Be the support for your spouse.

5. Ignoring your partner's feelings. If you notice your spouse upset, a bit down or just not herself, the easiest thing to do is to look the other way. Approach her and ask her what's wrong. But be prepared to let it go if she doesn't want to talk about it. Just asking lets her know that you care.

6. Claming up about your own feelings. Men have been called many things, but touchy-feely when it comes to our own feelings and anxieties, is usually not among them. But men do have feelings, fears and anxieties. When it comes to having a baby they typically deal with the financial issues surrounding the new baby. Men also tend to bottle up those feelings fearing that they will overburden their already burdened spouse. It's important men share their feelings, she will most likely feel closer to her spouse for sharing and will also then know she's not the only one with anxiety. The communication will help foster a feeling that you're in this together, and you can get through any challenge together.

7. Losing track of time. Dads to be should be keeping track of time. Dads need to know how far along their spouses are in pregnancy, not just the due-date. Grab a pen and paper and initiate a discussion with your spouse about what she would like to see accomplished and by when. And come up with your own ideas as well. When should the baby's room be painted? When should the furniture be bought? Are there home improvement projects you're trying to get crossed off the list before the little one arrives? Initiate the completion of projects so your spouse doesn't feel like a nag.

8. Playing dumb. Playing into the stereotypes of being a dumb dad especially when it comes to changing a diaper or giving a bottle makes a miserable situation for everyone. And will most certainly make your spouse upset with you. Then when you do interject your opinion, your spouse will likely discount it. If you're not playing, that's even worse. Get educated.

9. Avoiding parenting classes, magazines. How often have you heard that children don't come with manuals? Mothers don't magically know it all either. They usually do a lot of reading and learning. Dads should do the same (interactive DAD is a good place to start, by the way.) Many hospitals also offer Daddy Boot Camps. Check them out. And attend if you are feeling like you have a lot of learn.

10. Pretending you're asleep when the baby awakens at night. Here's a complaint you hear over and over again. Men are "deep sleepers" and women awaken at every noise. Sometimes that's true. More often it's out of choice. Dads need to do their fair share of waking up. If your spouse is breast-feeding, encourage her to pump milk into bottle so you can let her sleep. If there are issues with a bottle and breastfeeding, then dads should at least be as supportive as they can in cleaning up and with housework. And give your spouse a break, literally. If possible, let her sleep in on the weekends and take over the chores. And get her a manicure and pedicure or a spa getaway. If you can't afford that type of luxury, give her a massage yourself--it's free! Keep in mind, even though becoming a father is a BIG adjustment for you, your spouse is also dealing with the physical and mental recovery from pregnancy and labor. And both were probably more physical than she ever imagined they would be.

Taking an active role in raising your child will bring you closer to the your spouse and your newborn. (You don't know how tight you get with the little one during a poopy diaper change or a spit up on your dress shirt.)

These are great memories you'll be creating. Your little one won't remember. But you will. And he or she will feel closer to you because of it.

Welcome to fatherhood.

Glenn Lawrence is editor of the award-winning Interactive DAD Magazine http://www.InteractiveDadMagazine.com, the premier online site for dads updated daily. He's also a father of two.

---

Maximizing Your ADHD Childs Performance in School.

As a parent there are lots of things that you... Read More

Missing The Bus

As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed... Read More

Reclaiming Her Identity: A Mothers Diary

After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More

Tools to Find Family-Friendly Content

The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More

Intro to Medications for ADD ADHD

The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention... Read More

Puberty - Get Ready to Play the Puberty Game

Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite... Read More

Identifying Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in the Classroom: Eight Things Teachers Should

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More

Parents ? The No Child Left Behind Law Wont Do Much For Your Child

Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More

Stroller Safety Tips

Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More

Career Education: Does Not Mean the 6 Year College Plan

Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More

Guide To Choosing Educational Toys For Children

In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More

Tips for the Classroom Teachers with ADHD Students

Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More

The Safest Stuffed Toys for the Kids on your Gift List

Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More

No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say?

The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More

Is My Child Lazy?

Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More

How NOT to Motivate Your Children and Students

Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More

Preventing Obesity in Young Children

Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps to Avoid

4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More

Thirteen Values You Can Teach Through Homework

Are you a parent concerned about passing values on to... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Drugs and Violence In Public Schools

Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More

Parenting in the Kitchen ? Lessons in Cooking, Socializing, and Bonding

Kitchens are where everything happens. It's not just where meals... Read More

The Post-Holiday Blues In Stepfamilies

In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More

The 411 on Natural Colic Remedies

Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More

Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Children

How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More

Twins - Double The Trouble Or Double The Pleasure? Both!

If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More

Friends Are A Gift You Give Yourself

My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More

Boundaries - Why Theyre Needed

Imagine a child who lacks ownership of his own life,... Read More

Meet The Twixters!

There is a new stage of development for parents to... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

KIDS AND THE NEWSMore than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes... Read More

Sanity Savers For Busy Mums Page

Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More

Three Tips to Get Children with Sleeping Problems Asleep

According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More