How Is Peaceful Parenting® Different?

Peaceful Parenting® ideas are very different from other kinds of parenting practices that you have learned or read about. Certainly it is harder to practice Peaceful Parenting® than to simply threaten or bribe your child into following your directions or making what you consider to be the "right" choices. But what is the heart of the difference between Peaceful Parenting® and other programs?

Simply put, Peaceful Parenting® follows the idea that human beings are internally motivated. Children (and parents) do what they do because of what is going on inside of them. The world outside of the child (and the parents) gives the child information. But the child decides what to do with this information based on what is going on inside the child at the time.

So when you ask your 7-year old to come inside for supper, your child hears your request as information. Based on what is going on for this child, he will behave accordingly. One child might decide to run inside as you have asked because he is very hungry. Or another child might decide to play one more inning of kick ball with her friends. Yes, she has heard your request. Yes, she wants to eat supper. But she also wants to play one more inning because it is her turn to kick and she knows she will kick the winning run!

Contrary to what you may have learned in other parenting programs, children cannot be manipulated into behaving just as we want them to. Unfortunately there is a lot of information in our culture that would lead parents to believe that they can, should and must control their children.

The reality is that people are not easily controlled. In fact the very urge to control others may result in those others resisting harder because they do not want to feel controlled. If people were as easily manipulated and controlled as our culture represents you too would be easily controlled and manipulated.

For instance, do you have the ability to resist buying everything that is advertised to you in the media? Of course you do! Even the "bribes," positive reinforcements or carrots the advertisers offer with rebates and sale prices does not mean that you must purchase every thing, willy nilly. You decide to purchase a product because you need or want a specific item, not because of the enticement of advertising.

Do you have the ability to resist your child's unhealthy or inappropriate request? Even when your child punishes you by telling you she "hates you" or "won't love you any more if you don't give in to her way," you still have the ability to stick by your decision to answer your child's request with a firm "no" response. No matter how hard your child tries to externally control you, you can make a reasonable decision.

So why do we think it is otherwise with children? Simply because our children are smaller, less experienced and younger does not mean they are any more easily controlled or manipulated using external rewards and punishments.

Peaceful Parenting® means you understand your children are internally motivated by their genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Practicing Peaceful Parenting® means you understand that you are also internally motivated by your genetic instructions for safety, love, power, fun and freedom. Both parents and children experience the urge to control one another because parents and children are both born with the urge for power. Luckily we are also born with an urge for love. Our desire to stay connected with one another hopefully ameliorates our desire to win and control each other. Understanding this means the desire to follow Peaceful Parenting® ideas. It is harder, more challenging and more rewarding than trying to control our children using external control ideas. Peaceful Parenting® also is more respectful of your child's capacities to learn and become a responsible adult.

Nancy S. Buck, Ph.D. established Peaceful Parenting, Inc. in 2000 to bring her knowledge and experience with effective parenting to the greatest number of parents and other caretakers of children. She developed the Peaceful Parenting® program from her 25 years of experience as a developmental psychologist, trainer and educator with The William Glasser Institute and as the mother of twin sons. Her genuine, warm and authentic teaching style is clear and concise, helping learners move from the theoretical to real life situations.

---

Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen

Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More

Meningitis and Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More

Choosing a Daycare or Pre-School ? Top Ten Safety Tips

When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More

Getting through the School Daze

It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: What to Do When Your Teen Feels Left Out

On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More

Say No to Mealtime Mayhem: Eating Out With Your Baby or Toddler

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More

Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More

Child ADHD - Deciding Where to Draw the Line

The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Are Sleep Overs with the Opposite Sex OK?

Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More

10 Steps To Prepare You For Life With Children

It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More

Minimizing Homework Hassles

John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More

How to Take Charge of the TV

Many children enjoy TV, and they can learn from it.... Read More

Dyslexia: Is the Shoe Perhaps on the Wrong Foot?

Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More

What is Prenatal Intelligence?

Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More

Toilet Terrors And Other Potty Training Fears

Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More

Scolding: One of Communications Tools of Last Resort

(Excerpted from Jim Rohn's 2004 Weekend Leadership Event)You have to... Read More

How to Raise Creative Kids

"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More

5 Ways To Tell If A Preschooler Is Living In Your House

1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More

From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids

How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More

While You Have the Time, Take the Time

Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More

Want To Further Your Childrens Studies?

Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More

Back to School Success: The Parents Job and the Students Job

Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More

A New School Year

Depending on where you live school will be starting this... Read More

Teach Your Kids to Cook Well, Eliminating Excessive Health Care Needs in the Future

We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that... Read More

What the Matter Is

When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my... Read More

Your Company Vehicle is a Portable Bill Board; A word of advice on children passengers

Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More

The Muffed Dance

Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More

Saving Money on Preschool: Readiness Skills Needed for Kindergarten

As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More

Its a Sick World

It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More

The Ten Things That Successful Parents Do

1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More

Diapers: Do You Choose Disposable Or Reusable?

Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More

COMMITMENT: Teaching Children the Lessons of a Lifetime

It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More

Water Hazards For Young Children

Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More