Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes we may believe that if we apologize to our children we weaken ourselves and the rules we are trying to keep. We may also believe it will make our children think their behavior was okay. It is important to understand that this is not the case. I have found myself at times reacting negatively to my daughter's occasional inattention to her daily diabetes care. Not just negatively but loudly. What I discovered was that I could apologize for how I responded to her behavior, without condoning what she did. (Or didn't do) Apologizing in this manner makes it clear that I am not relaxing the rules. It does not undermine my authority or my ability to make the rules and expect compliance. I found it does set a good example and encourages her to be open and apologize when she has done wrong. Apologizing shows empathy for what I may have done to her feelings and respect for her right to be treated fairly.

Apologizing shows that you can admit error without loss of face. It shows that your self-esteem is strong enough to be left intact. It teaches your child to take responsibility and shows them that everyone makes mistakes. And finally it will prove to your child that you both can survive mistakes.

Showing that we have the strength to admit to and survive mistakes helps to encourage our children to have the same strength in their dealings with others. It's important to demonstrate that a relationship can survive errors. Our children need to know that it's possible to make amends and give another person the option to do the same in return. Apologizing lets a person both give and experience forgiveness. If our children grow up with the experience of apology and forgiveness within the family, they will be far better equipped to deal with the relationships they will develop as they grow up. There are few life skills we will ever teach our children that are more important than this.

Different Ways of Apologizing We can apologize by saying it in words, by doing something for our child, or buying something for our child. Don't start yelling at your computer screen, I'll explain the buying part in a minute.

Some of the words we can use:

"I'm sorry I got back later than I said I would."

"I feel awful that I shouted at you this morning."

"It was silly to get so upset about your messy room."

Doing something:

Doing something special with our children can be more powerful than just saying we're sorry. It shows that we really mean it.

Buying something:

Giving our time and attention to our children almost always means more to them than buying them something, but little surprises given along with a verbal apology shows we have given thought to what happened.

When Not to Apologize

There are some dangers in apologizing too much. The problem is not with the apology but with the reason for the frequency. When we find ourselves apologizing too much we might be showing our children our own uncertainty. Our children rely on our certainty about life. They rely on us for guidance. Instead of apologizing if we aren't sure whether we have done the right thing, it might be a good idea to feel sorry but say nothing. We need to use our own judgment to decide how much is too much.

What Happens When We Don't Apologize?

We all remember at some point in our lives when someone was clearly wrong and did not apologize for their behavior. It caused a lot of resentment when we felt we were unfairly treated. Our children have an acute sense of fairness. Resentment grows and eats away at good feelings and a barrier grows between our children and ourselves. We must not allow this. Remember this about apologies; if you want to hear them, you need to give them. Apologies make you feel better about yourself. They are a statement of honesty and wipe the slate clean. And finally, it they are given, make sure you accept them.

About the Author
Russell Turner, USA info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

---

Parenting Styles - Overcoming Your Differences

If you spend any time in the parenting section of... Read More

Babys First Month at a Glance

Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More

How Being a Mom Makes You a Better Professional

"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Courage

Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More

A Quiz for Parents: What Are They REALLY Learning?

Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More

Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child

Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More

Using Diet, Counseling, and Attend to Overcome ADHD

When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More

Five Tips for Successful Grandparenting

1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.All children need... Read More

Dinner Table Drama

It has been a long day. Home from work, you... Read More

A New School Year

Depending on where you live school will be starting this... Read More

The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers

"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More

Committed Parenting

When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More

Teach Your Children - Without Them Knowing They Are Learning!

The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More

Pay Attention! Its Your Most Important Job

Anyone can become a parent; there are no tests or... Read More

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More

THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For

Today the little red school house is not what it... Read More

Book Review: The Ring Bear Depicts Turmoil of Becoming A Stepchild

In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More

More than Mom and Dad

Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More

My Husband Prioritizes Making Money Above Family Time

"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More

Couch Potatoes Beware!

It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight... Read More

Ten Ways To Become Your Teenagers Best Friend

Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More

Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns

Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More

Eating Disorders in Children

If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More

Peer Pressure - Five Ways to Help Teenagers Beat Peer Influence

Young people generally want to fit in to their various... Read More

Psychological Effects of Child Abuse

Many children who suffer from the psychological effects of child... Read More

5 Great Tips For Choosing Safe Toys For Your Children

Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More

My Best Buddy

My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More

Misplaced Passion

"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More

Who Will Be Their Guardian?

If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More

When Parents Disagree

Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More

Adderall and Its Side-Effects

Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More