Should We Apologize To Our Children?

An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes we may believe that if we apologize to our children we weaken ourselves and the rules we are trying to keep. We may also believe it will make our children think their behavior was okay. It is important to understand that this is not the case. I have found myself at times reacting negatively to my daughter's occasional inattention to her daily diabetes care. Not just negatively but loudly. What I discovered was that I could apologize for how I responded to her behavior, without condoning what she did. (Or didn't do) Apologizing in this manner makes it clear that I am not relaxing the rules. It does not undermine my authority or my ability to make the rules and expect compliance. I found it does set a good example and encourages her to be open and apologize when she has done wrong. Apologizing shows empathy for what I may have done to her feelings and respect for her right to be treated fairly.

Apologizing shows that you can admit error without loss of face. It shows that your self-esteem is strong enough to be left intact. It teaches your child to take responsibility and shows them that everyone makes mistakes. And finally it will prove to your child that you both can survive mistakes.

Showing that we have the strength to admit to and survive mistakes helps to encourage our children to have the same strength in their dealings with others. It's important to demonstrate that a relationship can survive errors. Our children need to know that it's possible to make amends and give another person the option to do the same in return. Apologizing lets a person both give and experience forgiveness. If our children grow up with the experience of apology and forgiveness within the family, they will be far better equipped to deal with the relationships they will develop as they grow up. There are few life skills we will ever teach our children that are more important than this.

Different Ways of Apologizing We can apologize by saying it in words, by doing something for our child, or buying something for our child. Don't start yelling at your computer screen, I'll explain the buying part in a minute.

Some of the words we can use:

"I'm sorry I got back later than I said I would."

"I feel awful that I shouted at you this morning."

"It was silly to get so upset about your messy room."

Doing something:

Doing something special with our children can be more powerful than just saying we're sorry. It shows that we really mean it.

Buying something:

Giving our time and attention to our children almost always means more to them than buying them something, but little surprises given along with a verbal apology shows we have given thought to what happened.

When Not to Apologize

There are some dangers in apologizing too much. The problem is not with the apology but with the reason for the frequency. When we find ourselves apologizing too much we might be showing our children our own uncertainty. Our children rely on our certainty about life. They rely on us for guidance. Instead of apologizing if we aren't sure whether we have done the right thing, it might be a good idea to feel sorry but say nothing. We need to use our own judgment to decide how much is too much.

What Happens When We Don't Apologize?

We all remember at some point in our lives when someone was clearly wrong and did not apologize for their behavior. It caused a lot of resentment when we felt we were unfairly treated. Our children have an acute sense of fairness. Resentment grows and eats away at good feelings and a barrier grows between our children and ourselves. We must not allow this. Remember this about apologies; if you want to hear them, you need to give them. Apologies make you feel better about yourself. They are a statement of honesty and wipe the slate clean. And finally, it they are given, make sure you accept them.

About the Author
Russell Turner, USA info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com

---

The Secret of Understanding Children

It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More

Develop Your Childs Genius: Training Your Child for Success

This time, I would like to talk about a subject... Read More

Why A Father Is Not A Dad

It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More

Choosing Wooden Toys For Children

Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More

Four Tips For Alleviating Back To School Anxiety

Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More

10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens

1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More

Avoid Weight Problems In Children

Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more... Read More

How Effective Are Ritalin and Dexedrine in Treating the Symptoms of ADHD?

Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More

Words of Wisdom for Single Parents

The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More

Drugs and Violence In Public Schools

Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More

Teaching Children Good Manners

Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More

Monitoring Your Teens for Drug Use Without Appearing to be Spying

Even if your teenagers do not use drugs, you still... Read More

Why Creativity and Self-Expression are Important to Little Kids

Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More

Teaching Your Children with Coupons

Coupons can be a great tool in educating your child... Read More

Using Cloth Nappies

We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More

The Thing with Quality Time

It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More

Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?

"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More

Diana, Princess of Whales

Younger generations unfortunately will not understand how larger than life... Read More

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?

It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More

Homeschooling Takes Your Child Out of Public School --- A Unique Benefit

Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More

Television - The Great SATAN!

I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More

Don?t Make Fast and Furious Food Changes

OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More

Is a Mothers Love, Medicine?

Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More

Understanding A Childs Beliefs, Nuturing Young Beliefs

Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

Children - Blessing or Curse

You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More

From Go Fast Kids to Calm Kids

How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More

Eye-Opening Questions for Working Parents to Ask

I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More

New Baby ? Relax and Become a Yummy Mummy

Lets face it becoming a mum is a bit of... Read More

Getting Through to Your Teenager

Have you ever watched your teenager make a mistake (that... Read More