Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?

Children are much more likely to cooperate with adults who like being with them and who let them know they are worthwhile. This builds a level of trust and a feeling of safety. Within that environment, they are more likely to respond by being helpful and pleasant.

Relationships are created step by step. Sometimes the smallest things - a word of encouragement or small act of appreciation - can tilt the balance and create a whole new energy in a relationship.

We all need to feel accepted and approved of.

If your children walk into the room and you look up and smile, glad to see them, they will receive the message:

"I am worthwhile."

"I am welcome and appreciated."

That unspoken message creates an atmosphere in your home that feels safe and inviting.

So start looking for things you appreciate about your child.

We humans tend to notice the things we focus on.

Let me give you an example. I never paid much attention to cars and trucks. If the one I had got me where I wanted to go, I was happy, so I didn't notice what other people were driving.

A few years ago, I bought a Saturn sedan - turquoise. Very pretty, I thought. For the next several weeks, everywhere I went, I saw Saturns. And lots of them were turquoise. I hadn't noticed before, because I wasn't thinking about Saturns. But all of a sudden, there they were. Everywhere.

What changed?

My FOCUS.

My ATTENTION.

After buying a Saturn, I was thinking about Saturns, so I noticed the ones around me. It's human nature. We notice what we look for.

Look for the things you want to see in your child.

Do you want him:

- to be smart?

- to take responsibility?

- to be capable?

- to be lovable?

Then look for those things in him.

If you look for things he is doing wrong, you will find them.

If you look for things he is doing right, you will find those as well.

If you look for things you can praise, they are there, but you have to notice.

Just as the Saturns were all around me, I didn't see them until I was focused on them. The same is true of people.

Your children are doing things now that would please you, if you took the time to notice. And they are waiting to be acknowledged.

Stay in your heart.

When you are not in your heart, you are likely to be judging, condemning, looking for things that are wrong. And remember: whatever you look for, you will find.

So why not deliberately think about things that you feel good about? They are there, waiting for you to notice.

Make a list of the things you most enjoy or admire in your child.

- Think of qualities she has such as a sense of humor, a tender heart or determination.

- Think about abilities he has, such as artistic, musical or athletic.

- Think about good times you have had together - memories that make you smile and feel your heart connection with your child.

Write them down.

Then, take time to sit quietly and think about those things.

Read over your list. Stay with it until the love wells up within you. When you get the FEELING of love, sit with it for a few minutes. Savor it?without an expectation that it will be reciprocated. At this point, this is all about YOU - your thoughts, feelings, actions.

Then take that feeling of love with you every time you interact with your child.

You may start to see results right away - changes in your child. If so, that's great. If not, give it time.

This process is about transforming something in yourself, rather than trying to change anything in your child.

Now, as you go through your day, not just today, but every day, look for things to appreciate in your child.

Then let her know.

Tell him you love him.

Tell her what you appreciate about her, be sure that it is totally sincere.

Do not let any day go by without acknowledging your child at least once. More is even better, (but don't over do it, or it may seem phony).

Appreciation is very powerful.

Whenever you bring feelings of appreciation, rather than judgment, you are in a powerful position to invite your child to join you.

As you begin to notice the positives and express your appreciation, your child will respond, but do not expect or require a change in his behavior. That will happen naturally, in its own time. This is not about him - it's about YOU.

As you are falling asleep tonight: be sure you are in your heart.

Use pictures, memories or thoughts about your child that invite the feeling of appreciation. Perhaps it will be a memory from today.

Fall asleep considering the things you appreciate about your child, and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of love that wells up within you.

Then surely, you will have sweet dreams, knowing you just created a tomorrow filled with love.

Pat and Larry Downing have many years of experience counseling teenagers and their parents, conducting family mediations and leading workshops and support groups. They are co-authors of the e-Book, "Feel Good Parenting: How to Use the Power of Your Heart to Create an Extraordinary Relationship with Your Child."

For more information on how to create relationships that are peaceful, harmonious, cooperative and joyful, you may go to go to http://www.feelgoodparenting.com to sign up for a free e-Course and a free e-zine for parents.

This article is copyright protected.

PERMISSION TO REPUBLISH: This article may be republished in newsletters and on websites, provided you include ALL the above information about the authors, as it appears, including copyright information and live website link.

---

How to Help Your Children to Blossom

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More

Time Out for Adults

"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More

The Seven Keys of Being a Father

Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More

Ten Ways to Help Your Child Make Friends

Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more... Read More

Hurting from the Outside - In: The Rise of Self-harming

Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More

Parenting---Roots and Wings

I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More

Blended Families Can Be Successful

Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More

What Is Homeschooling And How Do I know If Its Right For My Family?

Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More

Quality Time with Your Teen

It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More

Winning The Whining War

Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More

Because Every Child Is A Born Genuis

Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More

Exposing the Damage: TV and Kids

There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More

Why Do People Have Kids?

Despite the theory that people have kids because they want... Read More

Theres a Lollipop on Your Bottom (and Other Terms of Endearment)

"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More

How Effective is Attend in Helping Children with Attention Disorders?

In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More

How to Stop Divorce Parental Conflict from Bursting?

It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More

Children Cooperate When Appreciated

Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: The Trust Issue

Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More

Teenagers and Stress: What Parents Can Do to Help

More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More

Send Your Child to College FREE!

College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More

The Symtoms Of Meningitis And Septicaemia

Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More

Pick Your Fights With Your Teenager Wisely

I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More

School Issues: When Should an ADHD Child Be Held Back In School?

This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More

Remember The Generation Gap?

The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More

Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More

Over-Focused ADHD

The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

Vision: 20/20 Is Not Enough!

Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More

Clean Kid Syndrome - Does Your Child Suffer from it?

The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More

Dads - What Family Legacy Are You Passing On to Your Children?

Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More