Bullies

Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood. There's not much we can do to protect our children from these cruel and brutal kids except teach them how to defend themselves from an otherwise unprovoked attack of the bullying kind.

Bullies are kids who have tremendous low self-esteem. They feel better about themselves by tormenting another, usually smaller or weaker child. If a bully decides to pick on someone that is not smaller in size but otherwise imagined as weak, they will usually have a gang around to further ensure the unfairness of the battle. They do not fight fair, nor do they understand compassion, dignity or basic integrity. Gee, wonder where they learned these lovely qualities?

A larger, stronger individual has most likely bullied a child who feels the need to bully another smaller or weaker child. Parents or caretakers who regularly torment or abuse their children are teaching these children to torment and abuse others who are not able to stand up to their size, strength or perceived power. These parents or caretakers are bullies themselves. Adult bullies are spouse beaters, verbal abusers, child abusers and the type of person we see personified in fiction as the menace to weaker, gentler people everywhere. They are the ones we love to hate in movies and books. Sadly, they are merely carrying on the tradition of their upbringing.

All we can do is teach our children to stand up for themselves in this situation ... to avoid kids who have nothing better to do than torture other children and how to defend themselves if they ever do become the target of a bully.

We do not regularly teach our children to kick someone's teeth down their throat or fill their ears with a vicious verbal attack but I do believe that, under extenuating circumstances, children should be taught to fight back, to do whatever it takes to stop their attacker. Children might ignore a name caller or walk away from an instigator, but to do nothing when physically hurt by another child (or adult) leaves them defenseless. I have told my daughters to never start a fight but to always finish one, if possible. They have my total approval in defending themselves, whatever it takes. As much as we don't want to tell our kids to hurt another, do we really want to see our kids get hurt themselves? Of course not.

My older daughter was tormented last year for the first few months of school by a group of boys who clearly had no idea how to relate to a cute girl. ;-) She was pretty freaked out ... at first. Then she fought back, giving them a dose of their own medicine. She stood up for herself with dignity and more smarts than the boys were capable of responding to. They are now all very good friends. These boys would fight to the death for her if she were threatened. They huddled around and comforted her when she didn't make the cheer leading team. They STILL apologize for having tortured her! Yes, she is a strong-minded kid. A lot of kids aren't. Those are the little darlings who need to learn to defend themselves the most.

Sometimes, enrolling a child, especially a boy, in a self-defense class works wonders for their self-esteem. They are instructed from the first day that they are not to use their newfound talent on another human being, however, the inner strength and physical control they learn can do wonders for their shy and reserved natures. Other good avenues for a child in need of a boost are sport lessons, gymnastics or possibly acting or dance classes for a child who expresses a desire to learn the arts. The better kids feel about themselves, the less likely they are to become victims or bullies in life. A good heart to heart conversation, where the child is heard and understood, can also work miracles in healing a wounded spirit. A child who bullies other children needs to be stopped. They are in desperate need of instruction on caring for and nurturing others. Sometimes, a simple "How would YOU feel ...?" can jar a recessed nerve in their brain to awaken compassion and respect. Naturally, these lessons are best learned at home but a child who is on his way to becoming a sociopath needs help wherever he can get it.

Approaching the parents of a bully is probably one of the most unrewarding encounters you might have. They most likely have taught their child to be a bully, albeit unconsciously through a variety of abusive behaviors. I think it is imperative that these parents be made aware of their child's antisocial problem, whether from the school or another parent whose kid has become a victim of the bully. In so doing, we might indirectly encourage some of these parents and caretakers to reevaluate their family values and environment.

Copyright ? 2000-2005- Rexanne Mancini

Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com ? http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne's Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

---

10 keys to Developing Your Childs Genius

Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More

Detox To Help Conception

Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More

Toilet Terrors And Other Potty Training Fears

Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More

Helping Your Child to Deal with Change

Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More

What Do Chinese Water Torture and Arguing with Children Have in Common?

Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More

Nail Biting Basics

Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More

Dads, Handle your Kids Mistakes

One of the most difficult parts of being a father... Read More

Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons

Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More

Understanding A Childs Beliefs, Nuturing Young Beliefs

Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

Fun Things to Do with Your Kids this Summer

10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More

Bring On The Music To Help Your Child Learn Faster And More Effectively

Do you remember how you first learned the alphabet? I... Read More

How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Get Reported?

Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More

The Safest Stuffed Toys for the Kids on your Gift List

Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More

Teenagers Taking Risks

It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More

Selecting A Quality Day Care Center

Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 7 Tips for Back to School Success

Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More

Social Engineering via Robotic Toddlers

Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More

Selecting and Hiring Childcare Employees

In today's fast-paced society, many families depend on some form... Read More

What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators

Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?

Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More

Elephants and Teenagers

Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More

The Top 5 Reasons Why Unwed-Parents Must Establish Paternity

"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More

Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother

Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More

Homeschooling ? Is It Worth It?

Suppose that you rearrange your life to homeschool your child... Read More

Send Your Child to College FREE!

College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More

Teenagers and Stress: What Parents Can Do to Help

More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More

Choosing Wooden Toys For Children

Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More

I Cant Sleep Without You

When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More

What About ADHD Teens and Driving?

This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More

6 Signs You?re A High Maintenance Parent

The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More

Spend Time Not Money With The Kids This Winter

Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost... Read More