Safe From Strangers

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of your young child by a stranger. The fear causes parents to think long and hard about their children's safety. They tell them in a very clear voice, "Do not to talk to strangers."

The problem is though, that a child's view of a stranger is very different from a parent's view. From the child's perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary. In fact, few, if any strangers actually look like the child's notion. Then to make matters more confusing for children, we teach then to respect and listen to their elders and be polite. Then as role models, children see us talk to people we have never met before, day in and day out.

So young children get it and will not to talk to strangers. They will very willingly avoid scary looking people. However, when confronted by a friendly, kind looking older person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means "speaking when spoken to" and as they are taught in school, they will follow their directions.

Helping young children not to talk to strangers or not go with them, takes much more than the simple admonishment, "Don't talk to strangers."

Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave from persons unknown must spend a good amount of time talking about the issue and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips may help:

When out in the community, in a matter of fact voice, point out the various people and ask your child if s/he knows them. Use this as an opportunity to explain that a stranger is any person we do not know, regardless of what they look like.

Next it becomes very important to differentiate the rules for grown-ups and the rules for children. Sometimes simply phasing it as, "Are you old enough to talk to people you don't know by yourself?" and then explain that they must have your permission to do so.

In the event a stranger approaches a child, they then must be equipped with strategies to manage the situation. Some parents provide a "code word." Explain to the child if someone doesn't know the code word, they do not have permission to go or talk with the person. In such situations, the child must be instructed to leave the person and immediately go to another adult they know, or older child if an adult is not available. It important to also teach the child that this is not rude. The child must understand that they have your full permission to leave the situation and to do so immediately.

Managing your child's safety, in your absence is truly a scary thought for most parents. We do not want to put undue fear in our children, but we do want to keep them from harm. It is important to understand how our own behaviour may contradict what we want children to do when approached by people they do not know. We have to talk about the difference between what parents may do and what children may do. Only parents may touch the stove? only parents talk to strangers.

Finally, in addition to teaching who NOT to talk to, we must also teach, who they CAN talk to. If for instance, your child is lost in the store, who can they talk to? Develop a list of safe persons your child can talk to ? even if they do not know them. The list may include police, fireman, teachers and even cashiers in stores. Remember keeping children safe is an ongoing discussion and not a simple one-time set of rules.

Keep talking with them to keep them safe.

Gary Direnfeld, MSW
garydi@sympatico.ca
905 628-4847

Gary Direnfeld is a social worker and expert on matters of family life. He is in private practice, writes and provides workshops and is the developer of the "I Promise Program" ? teen safe driving initiative. Search his name on GOOGLE.COM to view his many articles. Feel free to call him for your next conference and for expert opinion on family matters. Courts in Ontario consider Gary an expert on child development, marital and family therapy, custody and access recommendations and social work.

Buy the book: To order Direnfeld's book, Raising Kids Without Raising Cane, send a cheque or money order in the amount of $12.00 to: Interaction Consultants, 20 Suter Crescent, Dundas, Ontario, Canada L9H 6R5

Parents of new teen drivers are encouraged to check out this teen safe driving program: www.ipromiseprogram.com

http://www.ipromiseprogram.com/gary/direnfeld.htm

In The News:

---

Three Sure-Fire Ways to Teach Your Child About Safety

Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More

Your Job as a Role Model

A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More

Bedtime and Sleep Habits

Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More

Shopping with Children

Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More

Nanny 911 and Disciplining Your Child

Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More

Eco-Parenting

Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More

The Secret To Keeping Kids Interested on Family Vacations

Vacations and trips are great family events, but how do... Read More

Parents ? The No Child Left Behind Law Wont Do Much For Your Child

Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More

People of the Century by Dan Rather

Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More

Just What Is A Learning Disability?

A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More

5 Great Tips For Choosing Safe Toys For Your Children

Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More

The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)

We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More

Assume Personal Responsibility? Who, Me?

As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More

How Public Schools Assault Parents Values

Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More

Hiking with Children

There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More

Girls Gone Mild

Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More

Top 25 Children Quotations

"You can learn many things from children. How much patience... Read More

How to Parent Your Teen Effectively

Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents... Read More

Bless Your Child With The Name

What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More

Vouchers --- Parents, Dont Depend On Them

Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: What Do We Mean by Attention Anyway?

When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More

How To Be A Bad Mother

As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More

Lifebooks: Every Adopted Child Needs One

Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More

New Mom...New Baby...New Debt?

Ah, there is nothing like being an expectant mom. Along... Read More

Guide to Choosing Plush Toys for Children

Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More

Potty Training ?To Train or Not to Train?

I have always found the notion of toilet training a... Read More

My Best Buddy

My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More

The ADHD Parents Guide: Questions for the School

Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More

Best Investment

Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More

Violence in Media

In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More