My Dads Secrets

From the book Spider's Night on the Boom

I've only begun to understand my dad since I became a father myself, and it's amazing to me how I'm constantly being reminded of lessons he taught me 40 years ago-lessons that I never even knew I was learning.

As a kid, my life was like a black-and-white kid's adventure movie, composed of disjointed, but sometimes very exciting scenes. My parents played the parts of supporting actors in the movie of my life, and although my dad would have rated large letters in the opening credits, his character would have been reviewed by a critic "needing to be fleshed out."

Even so, I saw my father as supremely confident. He could fix anything, he always seemed to know exactly where he was going, and knew the most efficient route to get there. I never saw a look of worry on his face, never heard him express any doubts, and I certainly never saw him cry. His air of confidence made our home a safe place to my brothers, sister, and I-a place to grow with total loving support.

But since the mantle of "Daddery" has been passed to me, I've come to realize that my dad must have had moments of genuine doubt and confusion, just as I do. But I never really knew how he felt, deep inside. It never showed, and we never talked about it.

When I became a father, I suddenly began to appreciate my own father's sacrifices as he worked tirelessly to provide for his family. I began to get a glimpse of the precarious balancing act he faced every day: wife, children and family vs. the dampened fires of his own soul.

It was only after I left home that I began to hear stories about my dad's dreams-sacrificed in the name of being a "father." I heard about a young man who gave up a promising baseball career to become my dad. There was no long debate; that's what dads did. They set aside their personal dreams to pursue what was considered a higher calling-that of giving the next generation an opportunity to pursue their dreams.

My father understood those rules clearly. Dads worked hard and stayed employed, regardless of how menial or mundane the job. Dads spent time with their kids. But most importantly, dads offered glimpses into what it meant to be a man and a father-in the purest sense of both terms.

In what seems to me to be a smaller way than my dad, I walk the precarious tightrope that is "Dad" vs. "Me," always trying to maintain a balance between the two. And although my circumstances are very different, the importance of the task remains unchanged.

Like my father, I try to let my kids know how much I believe in the sanctity of this special time in their lives. By offering them my love and support, I hope to give them the gift my father gave me-the greatest gift a father can give, really-warm, gentle memories of their childhood. And no matter how difficult their lives may become later on, they'll always be able to take comfort in those sweet memories, and no one can ever take that gift away.

So here's to my dad, to your dad, and to all dads-men who gave up or postponed their own dreams so that we might reach for ours. Men in whose footprints we tried to step as we struggled through the deep snowdrifts of our childhood, marveling at how long a man's stride could be.

© 2004. Gary E. Anderson. All rights reserved.

About The Author

Gary Anderson is a freelance writer, editor, ghostwriter, and manuscript analyst, living on a small Iowa farm. He's published more than 500 articles and four books. He's also ghosted a dozen books, edited more than 30 full-length manuscripts, produced seven newsletters, and has done more than 800 manuscript reviews for various publishers around the nation. If you need writing or editing help, visit Gary's website at www.abciowa.com.

abciowa@alpinecom.net

---

How To Potty Train In Two Days

Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More

We All Wish That Our Children Have Good Virtues, But... Are We Setting A Good Example Ourselves?

We all wish that our children should not smoke or... Read More

Pregnancy and Excercising - 6 Reasons to Excercise During Pregnancy

Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More

Who Will Be Their Guardian?

If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More

Really Good News About Your Children?s Video Games

Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More

The Neurology of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Part One

What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More

Parenting Predicaments

Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Is it Time for That Talk?

Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child

Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More

Ten Helpful Little Tips For New Parents

The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More

Strengths and Weaknesses

All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through... Read More

Parental Internet Control Tips

The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More

Im a Father, Doesnt Anyone Care?

The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the... Read More

Teenagers Taking Risks

It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More

Educational Jigsaw Puzzles, How Educational Are They?

Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More

Blended Families Can Be Successful

Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It... Read More

Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?

"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

Successful Treatment Planning for Attention Deficit Disorder - ADD ADHD

O.K. So now you have taken the step of having... Read More

A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-Image Through Fitness

Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More

Cloning; is it for you?

What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More

Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More

Road Trip with Kids

Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More

Mom vs. Dad: Navigating Parenting Differences With All Good Intentions

Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More

Children Who Talk to Angels

What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More

Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps

Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More

Parents - Create An Emotionally Healthy Connection With Your Child

"I could have helped you if I would have known,... Read More

What About ADHD Teens and Driving?

This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More

So, The Thing Is... Im Feeling A Little Guilty

So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More

7 Things To Teach Your Kids About Money

Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More

How Much Water are You Wasting?

Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider... Read More

Delightful Defrazzlers

I will cherish this moment. I will not let it... Read More

EEG Biofeedback as a Treatment for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More