Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to raise responsible, happy children are limited only by our imaginations. Here are some places to begin.
1. Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say the words. If you think, "I don't have to tell her. She knows," you are wrong. It doesn't count if you think it but don't say it out loud.
2. Tell him that you are glad he is your child. Say the words and mean them. If you don't feel it, there is something wrong and you should find out what's going on. We all have moments when we have a hard time getting in touch with our positive feelings for our children. I'm not talking about those times. I'm talking about in general, most of the time, if you're not feeling good about being your child's parent, something is wrong. He will never feel good about himself if he senses that you are not connected to him.
3. Give her an example to follow. Take the time to teach her the steps. Kids need models. It's unfair to expect that she will know what to do in her daily life if you haven't shown her how to do it.
4. Spend time with him. If you are absent most of the time, he notices, and he probably thinks it's because he isn't important enough.
5. Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, "This is important and you are important."
6. Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, "What you are saying is important. You are important."
7. Explain why. It takes more time, but it conveys that she is important enough to spend the time helping her understand. When you explain why, you are also saying, "I understand that you need to know why. I am going to help you meet your needs."
8. When he tells you about something that happened, ask him how he feels about it. Take the time to listen to his answer.
9. When you ask a question, encourage her to elaborate. Say, "Tell me more about that," or ask, "What was that like?"
10. When you ask a question, don't interrupt when she is answering.
11. When you ask a question, watch your responses. Don't disagree or criticize his answer. This teaches him that it isn't safe to be candid and will make him edit what he tells you.
12. Take her seriously.
13. Participate in the driving. The kids whose parents never help with the driving feel bad about themselves.
14. Say no when you need to say no. Kids need to know there are limits and that some things are outside of those limits.
15. When you say no, explain why.
16. When you say yes, explain why.
17. Set a positive example with your own behavior. You can only expect her to behave with dignity and self-respect if she sees you doing it.
18. When you lose your temper or make a mistake, apologize. Say that you are sorry, be specific about what you are sorry for, and give him a chance to respond.
19. When you know that you have disappointed him, acknowledge it. Ask him how he feels about it.
20. Spend time alone with her. Arrange activities for just the two of you.
21. Ask him what he would like to do.
22. Give her a private space where she can express herself.
23. Respect his privacy.
24. If he did a good job on something, say so.
25. If she didn't do such a good job on something, point out what she did well.
26. After a disappointment or failure, ask, "What did you learn from the experience?"
27. When you are giving feedback, describe specific behavior. For example, "I like how you asked the question so politely" or "You still need to pick up the towels off the floor."
28. When there is a problem, focus on the issue, not the child. For example, "You didn't do the last ten problems on this assignment" is more constructive than "You never finish anything."
29. Ask what he thinks.
30. Let her be the one to choose the restaurant, movie, or activity some of the time.
31. Ask him to go with you on routine errands just because you want to spend some time with him.
32. Touch her when you talk to her.
33. Give him a hug at least every few days.
34. Go in and say goodnight before she goes to sleep. (This is easy to forget once they become teenagers.)
35. Look up and smile when he walks into the room.
36. Introduce yourself when she is with a new friend.
37. Ask her to tell you about the book she is reading or the movie she just saw.
38. Review child development literature regularly to stay updated on what is normal at each age and stage. It is important to recheck your standards and expectations to be sure they are realistic for the child's age and individual abilities.
39. Look for ways to maintain your own self-esteem. If you are unhappy, discontent, or disappointed in how your life is turning out, it will be difficult for you to build the self-esteem of your children.
40. Every child needs to be the object of a parent's undivided attention on a regular basis.
41. Make certain that your body language matches your words. If they are out of synch, he will be aware of it.
42. Be yourself. Tell the truth.
43. Be appropriate. You don't have to say everything that is on your mind or tell him things he isn't ready to know.
44. If you show that you accept yourself and your actions, you give permission to her to do the same.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
Hints from Ruowen Wang? Keep a small basket filled with... Read More
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and... Read More
My son is 6 yrs old. He came home the... Read More
Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks... Read More
For any of you Moms out there that are doing... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More
The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More
Parents, when you help your children learn to read, you... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
What is Happening in the brain of children, teens, and... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Even though the "Stop and Think" movement in ADHD treatment... Read More
There is a front line and a back end to... Read More
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More
The children of Baby Boomers, the Echo Generation, are entering... Read More
More and more kids these days are diagnosed ADD, ADHD,... Read More
O.K. So now you have taken the step of having... Read More
Today the little red school house is not what it... Read More
What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
As the flurry of Back to School activities subside, parents... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder... Read More
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More
Search for Assurance: The Power of BelongingThe job hunt is... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
I am a dad. I have been now for over... Read More
Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
Those of you that have children know what an excursion... Read More
A small town, somewhere in the world, was managed by... Read More
Q. When you consult with a family with teens, what... Read More
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More
Parenting |