The Six Rs for Changing MInds and Overcoming Resistance

This article borrows from Howard Gardner's book, "Changing Minds" (2004). In order to get people in conflict to cooperate or collaborate sufficiently to settle or resolve their differences, and perhaps achieve reconciliation, it is necessary that they change their minds. The reason they are in dispute is because they are of two different minds about a particular thing, which is what they are fighting over. People do not change their minds easily. Some people are prepared to be burned at the stake, literally, rather than change their minds, or admit to a change of belief. People cling to the artifacts of their own minds with great stubbornness. This is called resistance. When a mediator seeks to bring parties together, she will encounter resistance. If there were no resistance, if changing minds was easy, there would be no need for mediators.

Howard Gardner has identified six R's, which are helpful in helping people to change their minds. They are: reason, research, resonance, re-description, rewards and real world events.

Reason is employed by way of the use of argument in order to persuade.

Research is used in order to collect facts, also with the purpose of persuading, often a mediation is a conflict between competing facts.

Resonance appeals to the feeling part of the human personality. Does a proposal feel right? Some people rely heavily upon resonance, and prefer it to a reasoned and researched position. Orators and advertisers seek a message that will resonate their audience.

Re-description can be profoundly effective. Matters are often expressed in the negative, but when changed into a positive form of expression, convey a completely different and more attractive meaning. Mediations are often a persistent attempt to re-describe the problem in order to make solutions seem more attractive.

Rewards are an important part of any negotiation, and are usually accompanied by penalties. This is often known as the "stick and carrot" approach.

Real world events can have the effect of changing parties' perceptions completely. Such events may be quite trivial, like going out for lunch. After lunch, what was said in the morning and rejected out of hand may, with the benefit of the simple event of several hours passing and a meal, seem much more attractive.

The ever-present problem of the mediator is that parties do not want to budge, but unless there is some change they start to get impatient. So the job of the mediator is to continue to make some progress, so that there is a perception of movement. This is necessary in order to keep the parties at the negotiating table. So it is helpful to the mediator to be able to play upon the six R's, developing a facility with each one, in order to keep the parties going through the process in a productive way. Ultimately, the matter must be resolved, not by the mediator but by the parties themselves. The combined focused attention of their minds is what will accomplish the result that they have come to mediation to achieve. The mediator, by using the six R's, helps to maintain the process to its successful conclusion.

Charles B. Parselle is a mediator, arbitrator and attorney. He graduated from Oxford University's Honor School of Jurisprudence and is a member of the English bar, then was admitted to the California Bar in 1983. A practicing attorney, he is a prolific author and sought-after mediator. To consult him, please contact him through his website: http://www.parsellemediation.com

---

Business: Keys To Negotiating Well

Whether it's buying a car, asking for a pay rise,... Read More

Neogtiation: How to be Right Without Making Other People Wrong

What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to... Read More

Negotiations: The Art, Science, & Sport of Online Deals

Negotiations can seem as complex as physics, and in fact,... Read More

30 Tips for Keeping Meeting Expenses to a Minimum

Money makes the world go 'round. And when it comes... Read More

The Ultimate Truth in Persuasion

OK, so you want to improve your persuasion power right?Why?... Read More

How Barter Can Help Your Business Online or Offline

How Barter Can Help Your BusinessBarter trade is a powerful... Read More

The Art of Negotiation in 535 words

I want to get better at negotiation, but where to... Read More

How To Deal With A Complainer

How To Deal With A ComplainerA Complainer Is Characterized by:1.... Read More

Avoiding and Accomodating in Negotiation

The avoiding approach to negotiating is characterized by losing, leaving,... Read More

The Six Rs for Changing MInds and Overcoming Resistance

This article borrows from Howard Gardner's book, "Changing Minds" (2004).... Read More

Negotiating Skills: Ask For More Than You Expect To Get

It creates some negotiating room, and you might just get... Read More

National and Cultural Negotiation Style

Cultural and national negotiation styles reflect communication behaviors and the... Read More

How To Communicate Using Space

What Is Proxemics?The study of the communicative aspects of personal... Read More

Win-Win Power Negotiating

Let's talk about win-win negotiating. Instead of trying to dominate... Read More

How to Negotiate Effectively

You may be thinking, "Gary, I am a mom, housewife,... Read More

So Whats Your Argument?

Arguments aren't always bad things. Sometimes They're used to convince... Read More

Four Ways To Work Out Business Disputes

Business owners have four options to resolve disputes with partners,... Read More

Lets Make a Deal

Smart buyers will always ask for a better price. Unfortunately,... Read More

Suppliers as Your Partners in Cost Reduction

This article is one of the many articles still to... Read More

How To Make An Inflexible Bureaucrat See You As A Person

Inflexible Bureaucrats Are Characterized by:1. Cares little about your happiness... Read More

Negotiating Tactics: Don?t Let ?Good Guy ? Bad Guy? Control the Sales Negotiation

Counter one of the classic negotiating gambits by addressing it... Read More

Negotiation: A Compromising Position

Negotiating is a hot topic these days for a good... Read More

Cross Cultural Negotiations

Cross cultural negotiation is one of many specialized areas within... Read More

The Most Powerful Persuasion Skill Youll Ever Learn

Criteria ElicitationThis is without a doubt the most important persuasion... Read More

The Art of Haggling

Did you know that at one time in this country... Read More

Negotiate Like a P.R.O.

Whether you're negotiating a peace settlement in a war-torn country... Read More

What Are The Four Types Of Negotiating Outcomes?

Negotiating outcomes are the types of results that can happen... Read More

Barter: Its Not Just for Doctors Anymore

Time was, in the country, the local "doc" was as... Read More

Negotiating: Forcing vs Compromising

Forcing is a hard-nosed approach that makes heavy demands from... Read More

7 Tips for Bartering Products and Services

What better way to gain a new customer than by... Read More

Barter and Its Benefits

What is Barter? Barter involves 2 parties. Each party wants... Read More

Resolve Conflict In 6 Easy Steps - The BEDROL Method

The principles of Negotiation can work for you in any... Read More

Embarrassed To Discuss Your Prices? Seven Common Reasons We Cant Talk About Them

Last week, a wonderfully-skilled electrician installed a new light fixture... Read More