Ending Co-Dependence

Why does Co-dependence arise? Well because two or more individuals make an unconscious contract with each other to try to satisfy the unmet needs of the other. Initially, especially in the case of a couple, this contract is defined as "love". For instance, how many times have you heard yourself or others say something like "I can't live without you". Usually this means "without you my needs won't get met". In other words, "I will start to feel empty, needy, anxious and desperate without my needs being met by you".

The reason that this type of relational contract eventually breaks down is because no one can possibly meet the needs of any other person. Trying to do so would take so much energy and effort that it would essentially deplete the person trying to. Hence at some point the person whose needs are not being satisfied will start to feel disgruntled and perhaps start using the following expression, "you don't love me any more" when what they really mean is "you have broken your contract to meet my needs".

The unfortunate result of such a broken contract is that either the individuals part and try to find someone else to meet their unmet needs or they try to force, or coerce, usually through guilt, the other person into trying to meet their needs. This is when things can get very ugly. So what can be done about this ongoing saga that seems to affect almost all relationships in my view?

Although this may not be met with applause by most individuals reading this article I must say that it becomes necessary to address one's unmet needs one's self. This is the alternative to trying to turn one's partner or friend into becoming one's "new parent". The latter strategy will always fail and leaves one's integrity in tatters. Trust me, I've seen happen hundreds of times.

So how does one address one's needs one's self? In order to begin to address this I offer an example of a common need: "I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself".

Let's look closely at what this need implies. The need suggests that it is there to help motivate the individual to get the validation he/she needs, so that, it will get met, so that, it will make that individual feel complete, whole, will give them self esteem and self confidence.

In other words that "the need to be validated will make them feel good about themselves".

So what I would like to suggest you do right now, if you wish, is summon up the need to be validated in yourself (if this is something you personally struggle with) and notice whether you feel good about yourself as you are aware of it's effect on you.

Do you feel good about yourself knowing that you have such a need? I doubt it. In fact you may feel somewhat foolish or weakened by having such a toxic need inside you. Is this what you want living inside you?

If not, make some simple statements to the effect that a) you acknowledge that the belief that this need is helping you is false b) that the need itself is toxic to you i.e. it weakens you and leaves you "needy" and c) that you would like the need and the false belief that it helps you feel good about yourself purged from your life.

I will leave it to you to determine for yourself the impact that such a simple process can have on your life and on your relationships. For more help with such issues you can visit the web site below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is a Key Note Speaker, Author, Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build phyiscal, emotional, mental and spirtual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being. Personal Url: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

---

Discount Wedding Dresses ? Elegance and Style that Won?t Blow Your Budget!

If you're planning your wedding day then you'll be all... Read More

Bridal Shop Owner Reveals Insider Secrets Every Bride Should Know

Your wedding is nine months away and you decide to... Read More

Creating a Realistic Wedding Budget While Still Having the Wedding of Your Dreams

Perhaps the single most important thing that must be accomplished... Read More

Getting Married? What You Should Do With Your Checking Accounts and Credit Cards

Marriage is a wonderful thing, but planning the wedding is... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 9

When it came to love-making, Napoleon, that short plump bundle... Read More

Grooming for the Groom

The big day is not all about the bride; the... Read More

Expressions of Devotion: Buying Engagement Rings, Wedding Rings, and Wedding Bands Online

Ritual symbolism abounds in everything we do; this is particularly... Read More

Las Vegas Theme Weddings

"Las Vegas theme weddings are the envy of the world.... Read More

Marriage Proposals ? Why Doing It Right Will Make All the Difference

Proposing marriage to your beloved is a very big step.... Read More

The Bridezilla Syndrome: Do You Have It? Ten Ways to Avoid All the BS!

In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are... Read More

Wedding Insurance ? Peace of Mind for Your Perfect Day?

With the average cost of a wedding around £17,000 you... Read More

How to Lower a Wedding Cake Price

I recall how Mrs. Ingridman taught me invaluable lessons on... Read More

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the... Read More

Top 5 Reasons for Hiring a Wedding Planner

One of the most joyous occasions in life is a... Read More

Brad Pitt - Jennifer Aniston Marriage Undermined by Inappropriate Friendship with Angelina Jolie

Speculation continues about the break-up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer... Read More

Get a Prenuptial Agreement before Your Next Marriage

While signing a prenuptial agreement can be one of the... Read More

The Planning of a Bridal Shower!

Planning a bridal shower? Maybe a dear friend or even... Read More

Requesting the Presence of Your Presents

For better or worse, in people's minds weddings and wedding... Read More

Marriage Missing its Spark?

If the fires of passion in your marriage have been... Read More

Who Should Get A Gift At Your Wedding?

Planning a wedding is hard enough without having to think... Read More

Jewish Wedding Traditions - The Wedding Day in a Nutshell

Many of the Jewish wedding traditions are derived from ancient... Read More

How to Choose Your Wedding Shoes

Wedding day is known as the most unforgettable day in... Read More

Toss a Garter or Two

The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More

Wedding Dress Styles ? What?s Available

There are so many styles of wedding gown to choose... Read More

What Goes Into Wedding Preparation From Your DJ?

Exactly what should your disc jockey be doing in the... Read More

Is Your Marriage Sinking?

Reading this article does not necessarily mean that if you... Read More

To Register or Not to Register (for Wedding Gifts)

I say always register for gifts! You see, people tend... Read More

Negotiation Strategies Especially for Couples

These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common... Read More

Gatlinburg Honeymoon Packages

Gatlinburg in Tennessee is the city with streets of art... Read More

Wedding Reception Entertainment - Choose Wisely

When planning your wedding, what type of entertainment are you... Read More

Marriage Advice: Ten Ways to Add Romance to Your Marriage

Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to... Read More

Family Cycle (I) - Euphoric and Dysphoric Cycles in Marriage

Despite all the fashionable theories of marriage, the narratives and... Read More

Celtic Wedding Rituals -- Tying the knot

One of the most elegant rituals you can choose for... Read More